Archive for Walmart

Walmart On The Beach

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, Europe, Germany, Modern World, News with tags , , , , on 27/08/2016 by floroy1942

Ever wondered if Walmart customers go holiday? Well here they are on the beach.

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Meanwhile In Australia

I hope you liked it. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

 

 

Walmart Revisited

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, Mobile Phone, News, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 19/04/2016 by floroy1942

For some reason Walmart seems to attract the strangest of people. Here is another look at their customers.

 

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I hope you enjoyed this. ‘Til next time!

Roy.

Oh No! Not Walmart Again!

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, Modern World, News, Obesity, UK with tags , , , , on 10/04/2016 by floroy1942

WalMart supermarkets in the States seem to be the shop that attracts every weirdo on the planet. See what you think of these:-

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The mind really boggles to think that these people actually walk among us every day. Life sure has changed since I was a child!

Anyway, I hope you had a good laugh, for there will be more coming very soon. Enjoy your day!

Roy.

Nonsense Too

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, Old Age Pensioner, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 25/01/2015 by floroy1942

Without humour you might as well be dead so here is my latest offering. I hope you enjoy it.

12 Italian Priests
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up…and all the other bells started to ring.

The Blind Cowboy

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it’s only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in Karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy…Do you still want to tell that blonde joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m going to have to explain it five times…”

Not A Difficult Joice

Not A Difficult Joice

Bob and the Blonde

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?” Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.” The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.” Bob placed a £20 note on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, The guy on the ledge Did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, But willingly handed her £20 note to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money.

Dogs

 World Phone Survey

Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
“Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a massive failure because of the following:
1. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
3. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
4. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
6. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
7. In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.
8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Getting Old In 2055

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW.

‘WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS FOR

1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN FOR A SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!’

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in

CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.

  You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. You may say ‘What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?’

Answer:

A FUNERAL PARLOUR.

(WHO SAID SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)

OOPS!

‘Til Next Time.

Roy.

Christmas – A Time To Be Happy

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Children, England, Europe, Modern World, News, Senior Citizen, UK with tags , , , , on 25/12/2014 by floroy1942

Its that time of year again when we are supposed to put all our worries to one side and enjoy the Christmas spirit. I hope this helps!

Old Folks

 I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour, but, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts, have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet any more, can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92, have lost all my friends, but, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

The last photo I have of my dog!

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The Kingdom of Thailand

In the original native culture of Thailand , when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the following community ceremony: They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward. A Beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankles of each of the men. She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his navel to attract flies and insects.

(This keeps them off his face during the ceremony)

A specially chosen nubile and very beautiful naked girl then does a sexy and sensuous dance in the centre of the circle. As soon as all the men become fully aroused, the kneeling girls then reach over the knees, pull the erect penises downwards as much as they can and then, on a given signal from the centre dancer, release them. The men’s penises would then spring back up and go “WHAP!” against their belly buttons. This exercise was a measurement of the strength of their masculinity . . . The man who killed the most flies was elected to the court of the King.

And that, folks, is why the capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok .

Law Abiding Englishman

While hiking along the white cliffs of Dover this morning, I noticed a Muslim extremist slip from the cliffs and fall into the Channel. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all of the explosives he was carrying. If he didn’t get help, he’d surely drown.

Being a responsible Brit, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Kent Police and the Home Office. It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and neither authority has yet responded.

I’m starting to think that I wasted two stamps.

Ever wondered why Walmart is so famous – Here’s why:

Mommas Chatting (as you do)

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

”This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.” ”Yes, I remember him as a baby.” says the other mother cheerfully.

“He’s a martyr now though.” the mother confides. “Oh, so sad dear…” says the other.

”And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.” ”Oh, I remember him,” says the other happily, ”he had such curly hair when he was born.” ”He’s a martyr too…” says the mother quietly. ”Oh, gracious me…” says the other.

”And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18”, she whispers. “Yes,” says the friend enthusiastically, ”I remember when he first started school…” ”He’s a martyr also,” says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says……..
“They blow up so fast nowadays don’t they?”

Teacher

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: “What do you do at Christmas time?”

Patrick addressed the class: “Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.”

“Very nice Patrick,” she said. “Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?”

“Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”

Realising there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?”

Isaac said, “Well, it’s the same thing every year . . . Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad’s toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves . . . and begin to sing: ‘What A Friend We Have in Jesus’. Then we all go to the Bahamas

Have a happy holiday.

Roy

Has Walmart Started Its Own Airline?

Posted in America, Britain, Europe, Germany, Insanity, Modern World, News, Obesity, Overweight, Travel with tags , , , , on 24/02/2014 by floroy1942

As you peruse the following pictures you can be forgiven for imagining the headline to be true.

Did You Say All Refills Are Free?

Did You Say All Refills Are Free?

Thank God For The Seat Belt Extensions

They Are Bought And Paid For, Why Shouldn’t I Show ‘Em Off?

Why Do I Always Get The Seat Next To Someone Like This?

Stewardess:” I have no idea where he’s flying to Captain. He hasn’t moved from that seat for the last Year.”

I…Er…. Sorry Words Fail Me!

I can hardly wait for Walmart to expand into rail and shipping.

Roy

Aliens Are Real And Shop At Wal-Mart!

Posted in America, Immigrants, Insanity, Life in the Universe, Modern World, Obesity, Old Age Pensioner, UK, USA with tags , , , on 07/04/2013 by floroy1942

When someone tells me they believe in aliens I used to think they were mad, but after seeing the latest crop of photo’s of Wal-Mart customers I think I have changed my mind.

Mars Maybe?

Venus?
Venus?
Jupiter?
Jupiter?

It's Got To Be Uranus
It’s Got To Be Uranus!

 Neptune
Neptune
Mercury?
Mercury?
Titan
Must Be Titan Orbiting Saturn
Your Guess Is As Good As Mine!
Your Guess Is As Good As Mine!

Saturn?
Saturn?

Why do all the strange people shop at Wal-Mart? Is it something in the air or is that a regular meeting place for aliens living among us?

Roy

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