Archive for Modern World

The Squirrel and the Grasshopper – A Tale of Modern Times!

Posted in Human Rights, Immigrants, Insanity, Modern World, MP's with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 18/11/2009 by floroy1942

Does the following joke ring any bells? It should in today’s world!

The Squirrel and The Grasshopper

The Rest of the World Version.

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs, dances, and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter and dies out in the cold.

The End


The Australian Version.

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs, dances, and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

ABC News shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The Australian press informs people they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer, while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights, and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel’s house. The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing ‘We Shall Overcome’.

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his ‘fair share’ and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel’s taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court, and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home, and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it, and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel’s food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society – in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilise it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians’ apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and  attempted bombing, but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to make them return to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people’s credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel’s food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn’t bothered to maintain it. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper’s drug ‘Illness’.

The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arriving in Australia.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers.

Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia’s multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

The End


Like the old cowboy said: “Thur’s truth in them thur wurds!!!!!”

It doesn’t take a dimwit to see the comparison between this tale and the current way of things in many ‘liberalised’ countries with their excess of ‘human rights’ and ‘politically correct’ ideas.

The ways of the modern world are myriad – mostly insane!

Roy.

A Mathematical Projection of How Things Were, Are, and Will Be!

Posted in Britain, Children, English Schools, Modern World, Primary Education, Primary Schools with tags , , , , , , , , on 17/09/2009 by floroy1942

Jokes are continually passed from one to another on the e-mail circuit, but sometimes a gem comes along that is really a veiled image of the truth. My Brother passed this one on to me, and reading it, I found it quiet indicative of the way life has changed in England over the past thirty years.

Progress in Teaching Maths.

Teaching maths in 1970

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His production cost is 4/5 of the price.

Assignment: What is his profit?

Teaching Maths In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His production cost is 80% of the price.

Assignment: What is his profit?

Teaching Maths In 1990

A logger sells a load of timber for £100. His production cost is £80.

Assignment: What was was his profit?  

Teaching Maths In 2000

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.

Assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Maths In 2005

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate, and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.

Assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cuts down their homes for a measly profit of £20.

Teaching Maths In 2009

A logger is arrested and fined £100 for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups.

He is also fined a £100 because his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation, and is deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident, however, he does not have the correct Certificate of Competence, and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal.

His DNA is sampled, and his personal details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.

When released, he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off, but is prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned, and fined a further £100.

While he is in jail, the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a BBQ of squirrel and pheasant, and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish.

Upon release from prison, the forester is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own expense is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace, and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal by a regulated government contractor.

Assignment: How many times is the logger going to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign on the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

Teaching Maths In 2010

A logger can’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry. His bank has spent all his, and their, money buying derivatives of securitised debt related to sub-prime mortgages in Alabama.

They lost the lot, with only some government money left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders, who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry however, as it was built in the 1970s, it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. When questioned, they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home, they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again.

The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist, and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows money to pay more to the bankers, who take it as bonus’s. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim their share on expenses and allowances.

You do the maths!!!

Teaching Maths In 2017

أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار . صاحب تكلفة الانت =D 8 ج منالثمن

This is a prime indication of how firstly, between the 70’s and 2000, teaching standards dropped, with the inevitable result that exam pass rates fell significantly. The Ministry of Education reacted in a predictable way, by making the exams easier.

Secondly, from 2000 onwards, it epitomises the ever increasing influence of immigrants, minority groups, and the ‘Pat me on the back, I LOVE immigrants’ Brigade.

I like the joke, if it wasn’t so typical it would be funny. As it is, the hidden message is quite sad to say the least.

This is the reason 97% of students pass GCSE with a grade between A  and C today!

Will the last Englishman to leave the country please turn out the lights! (I think I said that already!)

Roy.

%d bloggers like this: