Archive for Marriage

An Islamic Dilemma

Posted in Afghanistan, America, Arab, Benefits, Britain, British Humour, Immigration, Muslim, News, Religion with tags , , , , on 22/08/2015 by floroy1942

As many know, Islamic marriage rules are complicated because of so many intermarriages. This is just one example of a dilemma that can arise because of this phenomenon:

Dear Benefits Office Manager,
My name is Mohammed Reza and I live in Tower Hamlets London and I would like to present before you the following story. Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an 18-year-old daughter.
After the wedding, my father, a widower, came to visit a number of times, and he fell in love with my step-daughter. My father eventually married her without my authorization.
As a result, my step-daughter legally became my step-mother and my father my son-in-law.
My father’s wife (also my step-daughter) and my step-mother, gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I am the husband of my stepdaughter’s mother. This boy is also my brother, as the son of my father.
As you can see, my wife became a grandmother, because she is the mother of my father’s wife. Therefore, it appears that I am also my wife’s grandchild.
A short time after these events, my wife gave birth to a son, who became my father’s brother-in-law, the step-son of my father’s wife, and my uncle.
My son is also my stepmother’s brother, and through my step-mother, my wife has become a grandmother and I have become my own grandfather.
In light of the above mentioned, I would like to know the following:
Does my son, who is also my uncle, my father’s son-in-law, and my stepmother’s brother, fulfil the requirements for receiving childcare benefit?
Sincerely yours,
Mohammed.

See what I mean! I would hate to be the benefits manager who has to sort this out.

Oh! By the way, it’s not a real story.

Roy.

The Weekend Is Here!

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, Modern World, News, Senior Citizen, Teens with tags , , , , on 06/03/2015 by floroy1942

Little

Joe And Paddy

Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re making love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

Funny-cartoon-and-now-relax

Age Has It!

An  elderly man in the Atherton Tablelands in Queensland  had owned a large farm for several years. He  had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped  for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic  tables, a barbecue and some apple and peach  trees. One evening the old farmer decided to  go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a  while, and look it over. He grabbed a twenty  litre bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he  neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and  laughing with glee.  As he came closer,  he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping  in his pond. He made the women aware of his  presence and they all went to the deep  end.
One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re  not coming out until you leave!’ The old man  frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you  ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond  naked.’ Holding the bucket up he  said, ‘I’m here to feed the  crocodile…’
Some old men can still think  fast.

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Birthday Treat

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday. “I’d like to be eight again” she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
‘I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!’
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Funny-cartoons

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

funny-cartoon-pictures-29

God Loves Drunk People Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was that?” asked his wife. “Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s bloomin’ well pouring with rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know.”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?” “Yes,” comes back the answer. “Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark. “Where are you?” asks the husband. “Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.

‘Til Next Time.

Roy.

A Lighter Moment

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, Insanity, Modern World, News, Senior Citizen, UK with tags , , , , on 14/02/2015 by floroy1942

Take time out for a chuckle.

Whyatt-piranha-comic

Here’s a little story to cheer up all men!

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a Prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where there are beautiful nurses who are more gentle and accommodating.

As usual, he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination. “At this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection,” said the nurse.

“I haven’t got an erection,” said the man.

“No, but I have” replied the nurse.

Wyatt

I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”

Thinking back, I really should have run, but you don’t get offers like that every day.

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A Simple But Effective Security System

 TEL AVIV, Israel – The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It’s an armoured booth you step into, that will not X-ray you but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: “Attention to all standby passengers,  El Al is pleased to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London . Shalom!”

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Film

A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, “No! No! Don’t enter that church, you damn fool.”

His wife asks him, “What are you watching?”

Husband replies, “Our wedding video.”

ATT00017

The Lost Keys

Several days ago, as I left a meeting, I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys.They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all. “Hello My Love”, I stammered; I always call him “My Love” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice. He barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your bloody car.”

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Robbery

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and raped his wife. A moment of silence passes, then the guy says, “I can’t believe they raped my wife after only five beers!”

Every-Morning

Famous Quotes:

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.  Rodney Dangerfield

 “There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.”  Lynn Lavner

 “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”   Camille Paglia

 “Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”  George Burns

 “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”  Sharon Stone

 “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”Tiger Woods

 “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”Jack Nicholson

 “Clinton  lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”  Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

whyatt

‘Til Next Time.

Roy.

Oh To Be A Woman

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, Europe, Modern World, News, UK, USA with tags , , on 06/12/2014 by floroy1942

What’s the difference between men and women in marriage? This should give you an idea:

Women In Three Pictures

 

Single

 

Married

 

Divorced

 

And For The Men:

 

Single

 

Married

 

Divorced

 

Get the picture?

Roy.

The Hypocrisy Of Islam

Posted in America, Britain, Christianity, European Union, Human Rights, Immigrants, Muslim, News, Religion, Sharia Law with tags , , , , on 17/05/2014 by floroy1942

It emerged last week that a Sudanese woman is to be hanged for ‘leaving the Muslim religion of Islam to become a Christian’ and marrying a Christian man. Muslims continue to insist their religion is one of peace, but daily, the facts make that statement a lie.

Meriam Yehya Ibrahim Ishag With Her Husband

Meriam Yehya Ibrahim Ishag With Her Husband

Meriam Yehya Ibrahim Ishag told the Islamic court in Khartoum Sudan, that she had been brought up an Orthodox Christian by her Christian mother,  because her father, who followed Islam, was never at home during her childhood.  The court refused to accept this, and even called her by her Muslim name of Adraf Al-Hadi Mohammed Abdullah during the trial.

Muslim Hanging

Muslim Hanging

The woman, who is eight months pregnant, was charged with apostasy, meaning she changed her religion from Muslim to Christianity which is forbidden in Islam.  She was also sentenced to 100 lashes for ‘adultery’ because she married a Christian, and the marriage is not recognized under Islamic law.

The hypocrisy of Islamic law becomes evident at this point because she was condemned for marrying a Christian, but her own mother was also a Christian and her father followed Islam. But such is the dominance of men in Islam that they can marry whomsoever they please, but a woman cannot.

The Brutality Of Sharia Law

The Brutality Of Sharia Law

Sudan is a Muslim country and governed under Sharia Law, the Islamic system of law so criticized by anyone with a sense of decency. To say that it is barbaric is by anyone’s standards, putting it mildly. Under Islamic law it is forbidden to have any other religion but Islam, and any who change to another religion are systematically put to death. It is also forbidden to marry outside the Islamic religion.

And yet, Muslims will have us believe it is a religion of peace!

The Lashes Punishment

The Lashes Punishment

The judge was ‘magnanimous’ in giving her three days to change her mind and accept Islam but she refused. In a well publicized show of ‘mercy’ the sentence will not be carried out until two years after her child is born. The 100 lashes will be inflicted after she has recovered from the childbirth.  It’s nice to see that Sharia is such a merciful system of law is it not.

As you would expect, Amnesty International and other human rights groups have protested at the disgraceful conduct of the court and the charges brought against Meriam Ishtag.  Amnesty’s Sudan researcher Manar Idriss is quoted as saying: “The fact that a woman has been sentenced to death for her religious choice, and to flogging for being married to a man of an allegedly different religion is appalling and abhorrent.”

Sudan

Sudan

The embassies of the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and the Netherlands issued a joint statement expressing “deep concern” about the case and urged Sudan to respect the right to freedom of religion. Of course their ‘deep concern‘ will carry a lot of weight with these people and be completely disregarded. Many in Sudan have also protested against the court’s ruling, but naturally they have fallen on deaf ears.

Farouk Chothia of the BBC in Africa reported: There is a long-running debate in Islam over whether apostasy is a crime. Some liberal scholars hold the view that it is not – and back up their argument by citing the Koranic verse which states: “There shall be no compulsion in religion.” Others say apostasy is tantamount to treason – and refer to what Prophet Muhammad said: “It is not permissible to spill the blood of a Muslim except in three [instances]: A life for a life; a married person who commits adultery; and one who forsakes his religion and separates from the community.” The latter is the dominant view in conservative Muslim states such as Sudan, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan and the cause of much religious tension.

Preparation For Stoning

Preparation For Stoning

The very idea of Islamic, or Sharia Law has been debated for many years, mainly for it’s sheer barbarity and brutality. Men and women hung in a public place from lampposts or cranes or beheaded in the town square, the stoning to death of women and occasionally men who committed adultery, and the hacking off of the hand of a thief. No other religion on earth displays such foul practices and yet it is perfectly acceptable to the Muslim world.

Many of these laws are used to settle disputes using false evidence, as for example a man who wishes to be free of his wife. He need only accuse her of adultery with a couple of people as ‘witnesses’, and she is buried up to the shoulders and  stones are thrown at her head by a baying crowd until she is dead.

They Should Add The Line As Interpreted By Fanatics!

They Should Add The Line “As Interpreted By Fanatics!”

It is indeed sad that in this century, mankind has still not learnt the lessons of history and maintain this brutal form of law. It may well have been acceptable in the dark ages but not in today’s modern world. All other religions left this idea of law behind centuries ago, but still the Muslim world continue to practice it. The sad part is that it will never change because it is so deep rooted in the Islamic ideology. It has become the focus of their being and there is no wish to change.

Appearing in More And More British Cities.

Appearing in More And More British Cities.

Harping back to an old theme in my posts, I dread to think what will happen when the Muslims try to take over European countries as they are sure to do at some time in the future. The mass immigration to European countries by those of the Muslim faith, coupled with their very high birthrate make it almost inevitable. They are already in the process of insinuating themselves into local/national governments and education across Europe, especially in Britain. If they do succeed in taking over Europe, you can be sure that America will be next, for the signs are already there.

The Headline Speaks For Itself!

The Headline Speaks For Itself!

Already there are areas within Holland, Belgium and Britain where Sharia law is practiced and the governments do nothing to stamp it out. If it means a mass raid by the police, or even the army, to remove all those practicing Sharia then so be it. European countries should be run under European law and no other, and anyone who thinks differently should be put on the first boat back to their country of origin.

Enoch Powell - Without Doubt A Visionary.

Enoch Powell – Without Doubt A Visionary.

I find it hard to imagine that the western population will accept Sharia Law in Europe. If the Muslims attempt such a thing there will indeed be blood in the streets as predicted by Enoch Powell so long ago.

May your God always be with you.

Roy.

The Disgrace Of Forced Marriages

Posted in Afghanistan, Britain, Child Abuse, Europe, Immigrants, Muslim, Religion, Teens, UK, USA with tags , , , on 15/08/2013 by floroy1942

Arranged and forced marriages have hit the headlines again due to the summer school break in which many Pakistani, Indian and Bangladeshi children are taken back to their homeland to be forced into marriage with a complete stranger. Records show children as young as two have been handed over for marriage, perhaps to settle a debt between families or within tribes. In some places newborns can be promised in marriage where two families wish to strengthen their ties, in others a child can be married off to settle disagreements with another family.

Forced Marriage

Forced Marriage

It is all so sordid and disgraceful that I am surprised in these ‘enlightened’ times this sort of practice is still tolerated. In many countries like Pakistan, such things are illegal but happen daily in the northern provinces and it is clear the government is not taking any action to stamp it out.

In the Muslim faith children, especially girls, are taught from birth that this practice is normal and they must accept it when the time comes. Under Islamic law the child/teenager must agree, but that does not reflect the reality, for in practice they have little right of protest and must obey their parents wishes. Arranged marriages are a common thing , where two young people are introduced and given time to get to know one another with the hope that love will blossom from the relationship. The marriage is arranged by the parents who look for a suitable candidate and discuss it with the other family. It is many times successful, but can still lead to coercion by the father or mother.

That is different from real forced marriages where one of the prospective partners is not consulted and dare not disagree with their parents choice. Many young girls are forced into such unions, often with men old enough to be their father, and if they rebel, they are coerced with severe beatings by their parents to submit, sometimes by being threatened with death if they continue to disagree, the so-called ‘honour killing’.

Killed For 'Staining The Family Honour'

Killed For ‘Staining The Family Honour’

This practice has led to many young girls taking their own lives or running away to live as outcasts, but when they are eventually found they are killed for the family ‘honour’, usually by a family member. Britain has seen many honour killings where children have been murdered because they in some way ‘stained’ the family honour. In some families this has happened because a young teenage girl of Pakistani birth has taken to wearing western style teen clothing. In one particular case a Pakistani man, with the help of his wife, killed his three daughters for supposedly bringing disgrace to the family honour. It is a sad and sordid business that happens across America, Europe and many other countries.

Typical Arranged Marriage - The 'Bride' Is A Child

Typical Arranged Marriage – The ‘Bride’ Is A Child

This time of year is particularly bad in the UK because many immigrant families living here go back to their own country on holiday. It is an ideal time for these people to finalize a forced marriage because their children are on holiday from school and will not be missed. Airport officials have been warned to look out for families travelling with a one-way ticket for young children, especially girls, and for children who look particularly nervous or unhappy when passing through the airport.

Part of the problem is that something like this is so ingrained in the culture, is very hard to stamp out among immigrant families. It is their way of life and they feel they have a right to practice it no matter where they live, even though it is against English law. If a young girl goes missing from school after the summer break it is normal for the authorities to ask the parents where the child is, but if they receive the reply that the child has gone back to Pakistan or wherever, what do you do?

Child Bride

Child Bride

The only course of action is to set up help organizations that can aid these children before it gets too far. They do exist of course, but it can be very difficult for a young girl or a teenager to defy their family and contact such an organization. The Foreign Office’s Forced Marriage Unit, set up to assist in such cases dealt with 15,000 cases last year and it is widely considered that this is the tip of the iceberg.

The cases related to 60 countries: almost half were linked to Pakistan, 11 percent to Bangladesh, eight percent to India, and two percent to Afghanistan. Other countries were Somalia, Turkey and Iraq. There are many organizations set up to help but unfortunately they have to rely on the victims coming forward before they can take action, and when they do the child is taken away from their parents and given help. It can be a traumatic experience for any teenager, and in particular a young child, which is why not many come forward.

Doomed To A Life Of Pain And Misery

Doomed To A Life Of Pain And Misery

In very many cases, young girls and teenagers can look forward to repeated rape by their new husbands starting on their marriage night. There is no question of consent, they are at the mercy of their new husbands. One woman who came forward to British police said she was married as a very young girl and repeatedly raped by her husband for eight-and-a-half years before she eventually ran away. These kind of stories are not uncommon.

It is sad that this disgrace is still practiced, but I cannot see it ending despite the tens of thousands of children per year who are condemned to a life of pain and horror, and from which there is little chance of escape.

Roy.

Family Breakdown And The Repercussions

Posted in America, Britain, Child Discipline, Children, Christianity, England, Europe, Parenting, Relationships, Teen Violence with tags , , , on 30/12/2012 by floroy1942

According to an Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) survey on family life, Britain is now fourth among all western nations for the breakup of marriages and in particular, partnerships. By this they mean families where a relationship has broken down and children live alone with either the mother or father, compared to children living with both parents.

On The Decline

On The Decline

Britain has just 68.9% of children living with both parents, however the country at the top of the list is Finland with a score of  95.2%. Other examples are Italy at 92.1%, Spain at 91.5%, Germany at 82%  and the US on 70.7%. The country with the lowest percentage is Latvia on 64.9%.

As you would expect, in Britain at least, this situation is also linked with an increased divorce rate, but the predominance of so-called ‘partnerships’ these days means the divorce rate is a poor guide to one-parent families. Marriage was always viewed as a union for life in the past, but increasingly over the past thirty years or so actual marriage is no longer considered necessary and couples live together and have children by mutual consent.

A New Life - But A Life Lost!

A New Life – But A Life Lost!

The problems have been exacerbated by the steady decline in morality whereby the number of teenage pregnancies has gone through the roof compared to forty years ago. The days when couples did not have sex until they were married have long gone, much to the relief of many, but it means we are seeing too many young girls left ‘holding the baby’ – literally!

In a way this is sad, for it means there is no commitment from either partner in the union. It also means there are no legal ties and either one can just walk away if they feel like it. The fact that the union has produced children is but a small consideration, especially for the one who does the walking. I have always been of the opinion that couples who just ‘live together’ are much more likely to fail than those with a marriage contract, even in these times of increasing divorce rates.

Single Mother

Single Mother

At one time the appearance of children on the scene was a positive binding agent for any marriage, and often resulted in couples becoming closer even if they had tended to drift apart a little beforehand. But now in this ‘modern age’ with its total lack of commitment, children sometimes become a problem, or in many cases just a source of income in the form of ‘Family Allowance’.

In my opinion, the slow death of religion in the country has also played its part. Whereas years ago the churches were full on Sundays, now you often find only the old folks in church. Love it or hate it, religion in British churches did promote a sense of responsibility, respect and caring in people that is lacking today. With the steady rise of agnostics in society these admirable qualities are seldom evident as people concentrate more on themselves. This has had a steady influence on partnerships and as always it is the children who suffer the most.

Becoming Unruly

Becoming Unruly

There can be no doubt that a child who loses a father or mother during a breakup go through a traumatic period that can affect them their whole lives. Many children become unruly and seldom listen to their lone parents advice for they feel let down when one parent moves out. It is hard for children to acquire a sense of responsibility when it appears to them that their parents have none.

Many of the problems suffered by children these days come not only from the fact that either their father or mother no longer live at home, but also from the need for lone parents to work in order to make ends meet.

For A Child - Traumatic

For A Child – Traumatic

I have always believed that for children to have a proper upbringing the mother should stay at home. I have seen nothing in modern life to make me change this.  The idea that you dump your small children with a stranger in a crèche for the day while you go out to work cannot possibly have a positive influence on them. Ever been in a situation where your children do not do as you tell them, ignore you completely or argue? Well, put that down to the fact you were not at home teaching them the essentials of life when they were very young. Many young mothers today seem to think “That’s the nursery or teachers job”! Well, it isn’t! All these facts combined lead to the aimless, unruly, and often violent teenagers we have on the streets today.

If this was my child he would have received a bloody good hiding!

Let us not forget that the lack of commitment to each other and the family has led to the point where the tax payer is having to subsidize broken families in the form of benefits that is costing many billions every year and climbing. Britain has a staggering 26.7% of children living with only their mother, and 450 children from every 1,000 will experience their parents breaking up before they are 16. There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that to continue in this way will have very grave results in the future.

Roy.

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