Archive for Hospitals

Time For A Little Nonsense

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, Europe, Modern World, News, UK, USA with tags , , , on 09/01/2015 by floroy1942

If you are having a bad day, then I hope this little offering will help cheer you up.

Genie

A man is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The man thinks for a moment and says, “I want to live forever.”

“Sorry,” said the genie, “I’m not allowed to grant eternal life.”

“OK, then, I want to die after a Labour government balances the budget and eliminates the debt.”

“You crafty little bastard,” said the genie.

ATTE6

Viagra

The woman asked the pharmacist, “Do you have Viagra?”
“Yes,” he answered.
She asked, “Does it work?”
“Yes,” he answered.
She said, “Can you get it over the counter?”
“I can, if I take two,” he replied.

Words of Wisdom

And  now…today’s life lesson:

ATT117

I’ve  learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,

but p*ssing everyone off is  a piece of cake.

 

The Curse of Old Aunts

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 Great Paint Job

funny-no-smoking-in-arabic-fuel-petrol-truck-pics

 Another Genie Story

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that even his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that it was a Manischewitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out popped a genie.
BUT this was no ordinary Genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.
‘Vell kid,’ said the genie, ‘you know how it voiks. You got tree vishes.’
‘I’m not going to trust you,’ says the Arab. ‘I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!’
‘Vott you got to lose? Looks at me – you’re a goner anyvay!’
The Arab thought about this for a minute and decided that the genie was right. ‘Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.’

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
‘Okee-dokee kiddo, vat’s your second vish?’
‘My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.’

* * * * * * * P O O F!* * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.
‘Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Best you should make it a good vone!’

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, ‘I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!’

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
If you’re an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there’s bound to be a string attached.

Hospital Laughs

 

ImageProxy

Wisdom

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!” The woman said, “That’s okay.”

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to.” The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.” So, KAZAM – she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.” So, KAZAM – she’s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you.

Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife. Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Have a great day!

Roy.

Death Of The National Health Service?

Posted in Benefits, Britain, Budget Cuts, England, Germany, Government Spending, Health, Immigration, News, UK with tags , , , , , on 08/10/2014 by floroy1942

Twenty years ago it would have seemed impossible that the National Health Service (NHS) could today be in its death throes. It is a sad indication of our times that our much vaunted health system could be on the point of collapse due to a lack of funding.

The National Health Charter

The National Health Charter

When it was launched in 1946 it was hailed as a major breakthrough in healthcare throughout the world. It provided free care to all people in the UK and was funded by the tax system. It has had tremendous success throughout its history and has served the British people well for 69 years. And then things changed! It is a sad fact that the NHS is not what it used to be. Now there is a shortage of doctors, trained nurses, beds, facilities and equipment that can no longer be addressed.

During the major sociological changes that took place in the 60’s and 70’s, fewer people were attracted to train as doctors and nurses which left major shortages. These were filled by the influx of people from the Caribbean and ex-colonies during that time and the problem was solved, or rather delayed, because bright young people continued to be enticed by more attractive jobs. During the last fifteen years these shortages have been filled by immigrants. This has not always been successful because not enough care was taken to ensure they were well enough trained, or spoke a satisfactory level of English.

This of course has diminished the effectiveness of the NHS but is not the so-called ‘killing stroke’.

    Typical Hospital Waiting Room

Three Brits – Four Immigrants

We have two factors here that contribute to the decline of the NHS as a service. The first is the increase in the ageing population because people live longer now than 50 years ago. The second, and by far the most damaging, is the huge influx of millions of immigrants since Tony Blair opened the doors wide during his tenure as Prime Minister.

Now, let me make things clear here! This is not an anti-immigrant rant and I do not hate immigrants! They are just people who took advantage of a golden opportunity given them by Tony Blair.

How We Lost Control - Thanks To Labour

How We Lost Control – Thanks To Labour

Like everyone else they have a need for health care and should receive it, but the problem is, ever since our dear Tony opened the gates he promised it to them for free along with all the other benefits he handed out to each and every one. But not only that, because restrictions were not put in place as soon as the man of the house arrived, then came his family, including parents, grand-parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, you name it. Sadly, they were all allowed free care on the NHS! If you are an immigrant into Germany for example, you get little if any benefits until you have worked a fixed number of years. And only then do you get free health care! Its the same in many European countries – why do you think they all want to come to Britain?

So you can clearly see where the problem lies. Ever since the immigrants started pouring in the NHS has become overloaded and just cannot cope any more.

British Medical Association

British Medical Association

Leading figures from the British medical world sent a letter to the Prime Minister saying: “Historic annual increases in the health budget, designed to keep pace with a growing and ageing population, have been severely reduced – meaning that our NHS has just been through the longest and most damaging budget squeeze in its history. Savings have been made, and despite the best efforts of nurses, doctors and other staff, patients have not been insulated from these cuts. Too many staff feel undervalued and demoralised when all they want is to be able to care for patients.” The letter also points to signs of a system “buckling under the twin crises of rising demand and flat-lining budgets”. Now that should be clear enough language for anyone.

It is a fact that people spend several hours sitting in a hospital waiting room before they get to see anyone, and the same is true at most G.P. doctor services. The most frequent problems suffered by the NHS at the moment, as highlighted by the letter are:

Patients struggling to get an appointment due to the shortage of G.Ps.

Many women not getting the high-quality care they deserve due to pressures on maternity services,

Thousands of patients facing longer and even unacceptable waits to find out whether or not they have cancer.

Families being “crippled” by the cost of social care, with thousands of elderly and vulnerable people not getting the help they need.

People with long-term progressive conditions such as dementia being cut adrift, reliant on unpaid and unsupported carers.

There can be little doubt the NHS, one of this countries proudest achievements, is buckling under the strain of too many patients and too little resources. It is fact that the whole economy of the country is being undermined, and has been ever since the doors opened.

UK Unemployed

UK Unemployed

We have more unemployed than in any other time in our history, plus a housing shortage that is crippling young people starting out in life. The benefits system is on its knees also, trying to keep up with every Tom, Dick or Harry that enters the country with their hand open.

The Decision Makers

The Decision Makers

You can see how concerned some of the political leaders are by this statement. Cameron promised real-term increases in NHS spending from 2015-20, Ed Miliband promised an extra £2.5bn a year and Nick Clegg pledged £1bn extra in 2016 and 2017. Looks like Clegg of the Liberal Democrats is not too worried about the situation.

Thanks to the crackpot decisions made at the turn of the decade by the lunatic Blair and his colleagues, Britain is suffering its worst crisis since the Second World War. These immigrants should have been treated as in most other countries these days, they pay their way until qualified for assistance. Thanks Tony! You have managed to do what Hitler never could – Bring this country to its knees!

Roy.

How Low Can You Get!

Posted in Europe, Germany, Health, Human Rights, Justice, Modern World, News with tags , , , , , on 31/12/2013 by floroy1942

After a forced absence caused by a stay in hospital for a simple operation, I’m glad to say I am back and rarin’ to go. I was somewhat dumbfounded to read of an incident today concerning the tragic accident of Micheal Schumacher. It would appear from the news that a reporter tried to gain access to Schumachers’ hospital room dressed as a priest.

Where The Accident Happened

Where The Accident Happened

We all know that the press, and especially the paparazzi, are only one step above lawyers, who are surely the lowest form of life on Earth. To be honest, it still amazes me how low these creatures will to go to get a story.

Michael Schumacher  -  Still In A Coma.

Michael Schumacher – Still In A Coma.

During the News of the World scandal in the UK a while ago that brought to light the amount of phone-tapping that went on there just to get a scoop, one would imagine they could not get any lower, but today’s events prove otherwise.

I guess we should all be thankful that the imbecile was found out before he could take any photos of Michael, but it saddens me somewhat that he was only escorted from the building and not charged with something.

It just goes to highlight how some of us inhabiting this planet have absolutely no scruples whatsoever. Ah well! Roll on 2014, and let’s hope things will get better.

My best wishes to Micheal for a speedy recovery, and Happy New Year Everyone!

Roy.

The ‘Right To Die’ Debate

Posted in America, Britain, England, Europe, Government, Health, Human Rights, Justice, UK, USA with tags , , , on 31/07/2013 by floroy1942

The Right To Die

The question is: Should a person with no ‘quality of life’, due to disability or an incurable disease, have the right to end their own lives with or without the help of others? This problem has been bouncing around the legal system in many countries for decades, and currently we still have no satisfactory solution. Some nations like Switzerland, where euthanasia was made legal in 1942, take a more understanding view than others of the suffering that such people undergo. In America, Britain, and many other European nations, with the exception of Holland and Belgium,  governments stick to the letter of the law.

Swiss Assisted Suicide Rates 1998 to 2009

Swiss Assisted Suicide Rates 1998 to 2009

I can fully understand the stance of people who are completely paralyzed and can do nothing without help, along with those who must suffer excruciating pain every day wanting to end it all. In such circumstances many of us would feel the same, but sadly the law does not agree. Under British law, If a person in such a position were to be assisted in ending their suffering by a family member or friend, the law seldom takes action, but anyone with a medical background, be it a doctor, nurse or carer would immediately be charged with murder.  That just does not make sense!

I believe the law should recognise that it is better for someone to die in the controlled environment of a hospital where their passing can be made easy, than taking the desperate measure of being placed in a Muslim area with a placard insulting Allah around their necks. The latter would be effective, but I think I would certainly prefer a hospital bed.

Results Of A Pew Research Centre Poll In 2005

Results Of A Pew Research Centre Poll In 2005

The big problem as I see it, is that the law does not have a clue about the suffering that such people go through. You have to imagine being in a wheelchair for example, not being able to move a muscle and not being able to do a single thing for yourself like eat, drink, turn on the TV or go to the toilet. Every second of the day you are dependent on someone else for things that you took for granted before tragedy struck. Imagine being in excruciating pain every minute of every day without end. I am not sure I would have the fortitude to withstand such a thing, so I can fully understand the desperate need to have a dignified end to a life that is no longer worth living.

On top of your own pain and anguish is that of your loved ones who suffer with you. Imagine if you will what a loving wife or husband must go through, having to be there every minute of every day doing everything for you except breathing. Such a situation does not destroy one life, it has the same effect on those closest to the patient. I am seventy, and thank God in reasonable health, but I would hate to be such a burden to my wife.

Better To Fade Away With Medical Help

Better To Fade Away With Medical Help

Without doubt, it is time for the government and the Justice Ministry to take a look at this ‘crime against humanity’ and re-assess the laws guiding assisted suicide. I am sure that with reasonable consideration and debate, a satisfactory system can be worked out that allows such things in a controlled manner. I truly despair at the people who demonstrate against such legislation, and it would be poetic justice if at some time in the future they face this heart-rending situation themselves. After all, they shoot horses don’t they, so why should a human being suffer just because of some out-dated law.

Roy.

Antibiotics Are A Dying Cure-All

Posted in America, Britain, Europe, Health, Modern World, UK, USA with tags , , , , , , on 27/01/2013 by floroy1942
E-Coli Bacteria

E-Coli Bacteria

Ever been to the doctor and have him prescribe antibiotics for your ailment? Well, that may soon be a thing of the past. Doctors and scientists are beginning to discover that many serious diseases are becoming antibiotic resistant, and that is dangerous. For the last forty-odd years doctors in Britain, as in many other countries, have regularly prescribed this magic cure-all for everything from pneumonia to ear-ache and that has now become a major problem.

Scientists are calling this a threat of the same magnitude as global warming  when it comes to the survival of mankind in the future. We have relied on antibiotics for many decades as a bulwark against the serious and not-so-serious diseases that can infect us, but now time is running out because the bacteria are getting smarter, and we have no replacement that can defeat them.

A Surgeon 'Scrubs Up"

A Surgeon ‘Scrubs Up”

With the decline in effectiveness of antibiotics come severe problems, for in the future it will be a lottery if you go into hospital for an operation and pick up an infection. This is happening now with increasing frequency in hospitals across the world, even in western countries, as standards of hygiene continue to fall. At some time in the future contracting MRSA, pneumonia, E. coli or tuberculosis for example could be the death of you because the strains are becoming antibiotic resistant i.e. the wonder drug has no impact on them!

Medical Science - Our Last Hope

Medical Science – Our Last Hope

It is the natural way of bugs subjected to a single drug over many years to mutate into a strain that is resistant; ‘familiarity breeds contempt ‘ if you will. We do the same, and should therefore not be surprised when other lifeforms do it too. Sadly, research into new forms of antibiotics have been almost non-existent in recent years.

This future debacle could have been avoided if the medical profession had not severely over-prescribed antibiotics in the past for just about every infection from pimples to a cut finger. Now however we are entering a dangerous period in man’s history. Should a serious outbreak of any of the sicknesses that have become immune to antibiotics occur it could spread unchecked, and there would be nothing we can do about it. Quarantining the sick would be the only measure open to us to combat such an outbreak, but curing those inflicted would be nigh on impossible.

Middle Age Kitchen

Middle Age Kitchen

Another problem that has in my opinion exacerbated this situation is that we have become too clean in our ways. In the Middle Ages and before, they had no inspectors going around checking hygiene in food factories and restaurants, or chemicals to sterilize work surfaces in the home, and while I admit they are necessary, we should not take it too far. Back then, people ate things that would make many of us throw-up today, and yet they rarely got sick from it. The main reason for this is that their own immune systems were far stronger than ours today.

Food Off The Floor

Food Off The Floor

I remember as a child eating things that had dropped in the dirt or on the floor  and we never bothered about it, and more to the point I never got sick. The bottom line is that we have become so clean that our own immune system has weakened because it has had nothing to fight. I may be wrong because I am not an expert, but it is my belief.

Great PlagueWe are fast reaching a stage where things such as global warming are reducing in importance when it comes to a threat to our lives, for if we cannot find new effective antibiotics very quickly we will be in big trouble. Many of the poorer countries are regularly threatened by dangerous diseases, like Ebola in some African states in the past, but if such a thing spreads and we cannot turn to antibiotics for a cure, the consequences could be dire.

Anywhere - Anytime

Anywhere – Anytime

Any sickness can spread at an alarming rate thanks to over-population and the ease with which we travel across the world, so the scenario for a huge pandemic will be far higher than it was during the great plague of London in 1665-6 when 69,596 died in London alone. The figure for the whole country was in the region of 100,000.

Many will reply that medical science has improved by leaps and bounds since that time, but the backbone of all treatment for bacterial diseases today is still the antibiotic. When we no longer have that we will be in big trouble.

I think the ball now lies fair and square in the court of medical science, for they must vigorously seek a replacement for our everyday antibiotics and find something that will kill these immune bacteria before it is too late. I wish them good luck!

Roy.

NHS In Self-Destruct Mode

Posted in Britain, Budget Cuts, England, Health, Immigrants, Modern World, UK with tags , , , , , on 24/11/2012 by floroy1942

It may not come as a surprise to many people that the British National Health Service (NHS) is steadily collapsing through mismanagement, poor patient care, poor nursing staff, and doctors. While there are many fine nurses and doctors in the system even today, ‘it ain’t what it used to be folks’!

The reasons given for the breakdown of the NHS are varied, mostly centred on budget restraints and a shortage of staff. But is this true? Firstly, like most government institutions, our NHS suffers from rampant over-expenditure on goods and services provided by private sources, i.e. paying way over the odds for drugs, equipment and other services that can be obtained cheaper elsewhere because the managers do not shop around for the best price. Its the old saying: ‘If you want to get rich quickly, get a government contract’! Secondly, A shortage of staff should not be countered by hiring foreign nationals with little or no credibility and a minimum of English, but make the profession attractive to our own young people.

1950 – Always A Nurse On Duty In The Ward

Looking back, I remember when the NHS was a shining example to the world of how a national health system should be run. As a patient you were guaranteed the best possible care with staff who would do their utmost to ensure your stay was as comfortable as possible, and the skilled surgeons did whatever was necessary to ensure your continued good health. So what the hell went wrong?

Are You Sure You Have The Right Patient?

Today it’s a daily occurrence for surgical instruments to be left inside the body when the patient is sewn back up after a procedure, people are left for hours in soiled beds and there are never staff around when a patient has an emergency. To top it all, patients have died because they were given medicine that was intended for others. You are extremely lucky these days if you go into hospital for surgery and come out without having contracted some other disease while in their tender care. Many of the nurses are extremely rude to patients, and this occasionally applies to doctors too, and you will be lucky if you have nurses on your ward who even speak English!

The number of complaints and claims against hospitals have gone through the roof in recent years and no-one seems capable of sorting out the mess. Last year officials logged a total of 760 so-called ‘serious untoward incidents’ in the NHS, and more than 4,000 patients required further treatment after doctors accidentally injured them during surgery.  But worse than that, a total of £310,000 was paid out in compensation to people who were operated on the wrong part of their body by surgeons because of name mix-up. Doesn’t give you much faith in the system does it? You go in for kidney stones and they take off your right leg!!!

Subjecting Yourself To Unknown Risk?

In addition to the above mentioned problems, in 2011 there were a total of 45 patients who suffered severe complications because instruments used during surgery had not been sterilized properly, and records show that more than 4,000 people required additional care because they suffered an accidental cut, puncture, perforation or internal bleeding while being treated for something else. Approximately 3,500 patients suffered severe complications because one or other medical device or piece of equipment failed to function correctly. It cost the NHS more than £2m last year in compensation claims from patients who had been revived after surgery only to find that something had been left inside them, which naturally required a second operation to remove it.

There is no possible excuse for the latter, for all operating staff should know you count the instruments before you start and count them again when you finish – a simple procedure that is highly effective and is designed to prevent such cock-ups.

Matron Knows Best

Fifty years ago we did not have all the fancy apparatus they have now, but by Heaven, the hospitals were a thousand times better than they are today for all the advancements made in the medical world. In those days there was never a spot of dirt anywhere in the wards or operating theaters because everything was supervised by Matrons with years of experience in their field and they ruled with a rod of iron. You never waited more than a couple of minutes before a competent nurse came to your bedside when you called. Everyone spoke English because they were English, not Caribbean, Muslim, Polish or Czechoslovakian etc. They were not even allowed on the wards until they were proven capable. Doctors were all British and were expert at what they did and relied on in-depth knowledge rather than a fancy machine to tell them what was wrong with their patient, and believe it or not, 99.99% of the time they were right!

I am sorry to say that today’s NHS is a complete and utter shambles and is more of a danger to the public than a rogue lion on the streets for you can shoot a lion!

I do feel very sorry for those doctors and nurses who do their work with pride and give their patients the kind of care they are entitled to, for their reputation has been tarnished by the lazy, rude, and downright incompetent idiots that abound today within the system.

Self Explanatory

When Tony Blair’s Labour Party started its massive recruitment of foreign nursing and doctor staff for the NHS they were not even bothered if the applicants spoke English or had proper training but just hired willy-nilly right left and centre and shipped them over to Britain, and this is why the system is failing so badly these days. Its the knock-on effect!

I rather think that within a very few short years the whole system will collapse in on itself unless someone takes it by the throat and shakes it, and then starts reorganizing it right from the top to the bottom. I am just glad I will never need its services for here in Spain they at least know which end of a scalpel you use to cut with.

Roy.

Some Nonsense For A Change

Posted in Britain, England, Health, Insanity, Modern World, UK, USA with tags , , , on 12/11/2011 by floroy1942

It’s my birthday today and my dashboard spam box is full again, so as I have not had a nonsense post for a while, I thought this would be a good time.

Who'd Work in an Embassy?

British government agencies overseas and the UK Emergency Services have to deal with a lot of calls from ‘strange’ people, as they do in the States I guess, and I came across a couple of articles that might be of interest.

Ouch! That Hurt!

A Consulate in Greece received a phone call from a man who wanted advice on how to install a chicken coop in his garden, while in Spain someone informed the Embassy that his dominatrix had left him stranded at the airport and would the Embassy contact her to let her know he had arrived. Now that sounds dodgy!

It gets worse, someone in Bulgaria expected the Consulate to sell his house for him (they should have sold it for €5 that would teach him), while in Dubai a person requested Consular staff pick up her dog that had arrived at the airport and bring it round to the house (using the Ambassador’s Rolls no doubt).

Ahhh! An Arctic Tan.

Apparently, officials in far off lands often get calls from UK residents about to go on holiday asking what clothes they should pack (imagine the fun you could have with that – going to the Arctic? Pack your bikini). I’m just glad I don’t work there.

As any Brit will know, most hospitals in the UK have an Accident and Emergency Department. The staff are usually overworked, but it doesn’t stop people coming in at all times of the day and night with weird ‘illnesses’. Here’s a taste of what the A&E personnel have to put up with.

I'll Bet She's No Good At Football!

One woman came in expecting staff to cut her toenails because she couldn’t get an appointment with a chiropodist,  and another arrived complaining she could not remove her false nails (time to strap her down and get out the pliers). A woman came in because her hand had turned blue. Now that could be nasty, but it turned out to be dye from her jeans.

Ohhhh Shit!

One woman even turned up at A&E with a child that had dog poo on its shoes and expected the staff to remove it. Now that’s cheeky! A man rang the department because he had constipation (naturally his request for treatment was blocked).  Staff often have to deal with men suffering from a hangover, but I’ll bet that’s not restricted to men these days.

There are without doubt some very strange people around, but why do they all have to live on our planet!!!!! Until Next time.

Roy.

 

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