Archive for Google

Time For A Little Nonsense

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, Europe, Modern World, News, UK, USA with tags , , , on 09/01/2015 by floroy1942

If you are having a bad day, then I hope this little offering will help cheer you up.

Genie

A man is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The man thinks for a moment and says, “I want to live forever.”

“Sorry,” said the genie, “I’m not allowed to grant eternal life.”

“OK, then, I want to die after a Labour government balances the budget and eliminates the debt.”

“You crafty little bastard,” said the genie.

ATTE6

Viagra

The woman asked the pharmacist, “Do you have Viagra?”
“Yes,” he answered.
She asked, “Does it work?”
“Yes,” he answered.
She said, “Can you get it over the counter?”
“I can, if I take two,” he replied.

Words of Wisdom

And  now…today’s life lesson:

ATT117

I’ve  learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,

but p*ssing everyone off is  a piece of cake.

 

The Curse of Old Aunts

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 Great Paint Job

funny-no-smoking-in-arabic-fuel-petrol-truck-pics

 Another Genie Story

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that even his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that it was a Manischewitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out popped a genie.
BUT this was no ordinary Genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.
‘Vell kid,’ said the genie, ‘you know how it voiks. You got tree vishes.’
‘I’m not going to trust you,’ says the Arab. ‘I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!’
‘Vott you got to lose? Looks at me – you’re a goner anyvay!’
The Arab thought about this for a minute and decided that the genie was right. ‘Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.’

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
‘Okee-dokee kiddo, vat’s your second vish?’
‘My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.’

* * * * * * * P O O F!* * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.
‘Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Best you should make it a good vone!’

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, ‘I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!’

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
If you’re an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there’s bound to be a string attached.

Hospital Laughs

 

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Wisdom

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!” The woman said, “That’s okay.”

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to.” The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.” So, KAZAM – she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.” So, KAZAM – she’s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you.

Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife. Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Have a great day!

Roy.

So Starbucks Finally Paid Up!

Posted in America, Britain, Demonstration, England, Government, Justice, Theft, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 24/06/2013 by floroy1942
"We Keep Our Bucks"

“We Keep Our Bucks”

I read with interest this last week that the coffee chain Starbucks have finally paid the UK tax man the Corporation Tax they owe, or at least part of it. So that’s one down and more to come, hopefully, with Google and Amazon the remaining main defaulters. We, the less well off, seldom get a chance at the opportunities these big multi-national companies have to duck taxes, but there again, we do not have all the high-powered lawyers they have. Starbucks admitted they had not paid any Corporation Tax on sales worth £400 million in the years between 2009 and 2012, which should have netted the Treasury £92 million at 23%. That amount of money would have bought a lot of apples!

Whichever way you look at it, these companies hire the best lawyers and economists with one thought in mind: How can we get around the tax laws? Mind you the filthy rich are at it too, and if just 50% of these people paid what they owe, we, the rest, would be paying much less and the financial crisis would be over. It was interesting to read that Starbucks said they ‘made a loss last year’, why, because they were siphoning off the profits by “paying fees to other areas of its business — such as ‘royalty payments’ for the use of the brand”. How convenient!

Demonstration

Demonstration

Now they have suddenly decided to cough up what they owe for the tax year 2012, and in a statement they said: “We listened to our customers in December and so decided to forgo certain deductions which would make us liable to pay £10 million in corporation tax this year and a further £10 million in 2014”.  Yea, Right! I suppose the fall-off in custom and the demonstrations outside various branches had nothing to do with that decision. Face it Starbucks, you finally got found out!

My only remaining question is, when are they going to cough up the back taxes of £92 million?

Roy.

‘The Cloud’ Scares The Hell Out Of Me!

Posted in America, Britain, Europe, Hackers, Muslim, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 09/08/2012 by floroy1942

The recent experiences of Matt Honan in the USA have highlighted a major problem with ‘The Cloud’ that in my opinion is only going to get worse. Over the last few days we have heard about Matt’s case where his entire digital life was erased by a hacker who got into his account via the Apple Tech Assistance. This is just the first of what I am sure is going to be a sustained attack by hackers to get at people’s private data.

Everything Is Connected – Everywhere

Until now, all my private data was kept on my hard-drive in my computer and with the proper anti-virus software and a good firewall I have been able to keep hackers out, but now? With the introduction of this ‘Cloud’ thingamy I am no longer master of my own data. It will in the future be stored somewhere in cyberspace because all computer companies like Apple, Google and Microsoft are going ‘Cloud’. If I wish to keep up with the latest technology I have no choice but to go along with it, whether I wish to or not. To me this is setting a very dangerous precedent, and the day will come when the whole thing comes crashing down.

If He Doesn’t Trust It Neither Do I

I am certainly not the only one with this opinion, for Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple has also said in public that he sees ‘horrendous problems’ in the future as cloud-based computing takes hold. He said.”I really worry about everything going to the cloud, I think it’s going to be horrendous. I think there are going to be a lot of horrible problems in the next five years.” He added: “With the cloud, you don’t own anything. You already signed it away” through the legalistic terms of service with a cloud provider that computer users must agree to. I want to feel that I own things. A lot of people feel, ‘Oh, everything is really on my computer,’ but I say the more we transfer everything onto the web, onto the cloud, the less we’re going to have control over it.” Well! For my money, he should know better than most of us.

Sure, its nice to be able to transfer information between my iPhone, tablet and computer, but at what cost. My data will never have been more vulnerable! All the experts talk of their security arrangements for the cloud with encryption and passwords and all that other baloney, but hackers are not as stupid as the presuppose. The United States government and defence systems are among the most secure on the planet, but that hasn’t stopped hackers getting in time and time again. So what chance do we have with the ‘Cloud’.

The Tip Of The Iceberg, And They Are Not The Real Criminals

You can bet your last dollar that at sometime in the near future someone is going to get in again and create havoc. Just imagine, the passwords, bank details, e-mail addresses, correspondence and all the rest of the data you and I, and tens of millions of others wish to keep to ourselves will be available to the first low-life who gets in. The experts can rabbit on forever about how ‘safe’ it all is but they will never convince me, and they should not convince you with all their glib talk.

Its always the same old story, when someone comes along with an idea that will be a  huge benefit to the world, there is always someone who will use it for personal profit. Criminals hack into our computers looking for bank passwords and the like, and the Spam, market is growing day by day. Imagine if someone managed to get into the Cloud! Of course, I know everyone has protected their data with a personal password etc. and there must be millions in the Cloud, but that will not stop these nasty individuals from creating havoc once they have penetrated the outer defences, and as we saw last week, they are easy to breach.

Waiting For An Opportunity

If we the people allow this travesty we will have no-one to blame but ourselves when the muck hits the fan. I just bought a new iPhone 4S yesterday, but you can bet your life I did not activate the ‘Cloud’ function and I am sure I never will. Hopefully, Apple, Google and Microsoft will give users the option of joining the ‘Cloud’ just like the 4S phone, otherwise I will be very annoyed at being forced to use something I do not consider safe.

If there was a movement to counter the introduction of the ‘Cloud’ I would be the first to sign up. I feel safer with my old P.C. hard-drive and I would willingly enter the ‘Cloud’ like I would enter the fires of Hell.

Roy.

How Safe Will ‘The Cloud’ Be?

Posted in Britain, England, Europe, Hacker, Hackers, Modern World, UK, USA with tags , , , , , , , on 09/06/2011 by floroy1942

It seems nothing can stop the march of technology, with Steve Jobs of Apple this week proclaiming the PC is on the way out because ‘the cloud’ is coming. Personally, I have my doubts!

Soon To Be A Relic Of The Past?

The advent of smart phones and tablets have no doubt changed computing from what we are all used to, now we can do it all on the move. No need to sit behind a desk and punch the keyboard, just flick your fingertips over the screen and its ‘job done’. A nice innovation, and no doubt a boon to busy business people who find it hard to sit still for more than a few minutes. As for the rest of us, I don’t see it having a major impact for some time to come, although it will eventually.

What is more worrying to me as a normal user, is the arrival of ‘the cloud’ and all it promises, and doesn’t promise.

Everythings In The Cloud

It does promise the possibility to transfer data, music or what have you from one piece of equipment to another without having to connect them together with a USB cable. This is because all information will be stored on ‘the cloud’ instead of your Pc’s hard-drive, i.e. there will one huge ‘hard-drive’ in the sky as it were, and everyone will store their data there. You will be able to connect to it with your Ipod, tablet or phone any time you want, providing you have an internet connection that is, and download or upload data as you choose.

Cloud Computing Explained:

What is doesn’t promise you in my mind, is total security of your information should you wish to use ‘the cloud’. Recent events, such as the hacking of Sony and many governments, have left me extremely wary of placing all my data, not to mention private stuff like bank details etc, on some ‘cloud’ over which I have no control whatsoever.

What If He Gets In The Cloud?

To me it seems like a hackers paradise, and you can bet your life that right now some foul despicable low-life is trying to get into the cloud to steal personal data. With the introduction of massive hard-drives in cyberspace, accessible to anyone, hackers must think they have died and gone to heaven.

Past experience has shown quite clearly that no matter how sophisticated the security on a computer system is, it can, and will be hacked. You can hardly imagine a system more secure than the U.S. Defence Department, but its been hacked on more than one occasion.

Everyone’s There

I know that I will not be storing all my data on one of these clouds once they are up and running, but part of the problem is, some of my data is in the hands of, for example,  companies I have dealt with in the past, my bank, government departments and the like. It has already been stated that many companies and institutions are intending to use ‘the cloud’ for their data storage, and coincidentally, along with it my information.

‘Cloud’ Providers:

The sad thing is, I have no control over this, in fact, I will not even know it is being done.

There is little doubt that unless a catastrophe occurs, like the whole cloud suddenly blowing away and everyone’s data being lost, we will not have much choice in the matter. Such an event would no doubt put the brakes on the whole thing, and possibly cause a rethink.

Future Winners In The Cloud Market?

There are new ‘clouds’ coming on line every day as people like Google and Microsoft etc get in on the act, and for sure there will be a ‘battle of the clouds’ in the future as each one tries to get your business. Naturally enough, (you knew there would be a downside) it will cost you. No-one is going to give you your own little ‘hard-drive on the net’ without you having to pay for it. What its going to cost I have no idea, but there will be a subscription fee, probably determined by how much you use the facility. Ouch!

Internet Speed Comparison – You Will No Doubt Notice That Spain Is Not Even Listed!

The one thing that will be essential, not only for businesses but also the private user, is fast, dependable internet. While many countries like Britain are moving to get fast internet connections to every household, Spain where I live, is still in the middle ages. The best speeds in my area are a lowly 3mb and with my current provider I am getting only 0.8mb. Not only that, but the internet went down five times in the last week. Truely laughable when you consider what other countries are getting. When cloud computing takes off people are going to be demanding a much better internet service from their provider, and that is going to be a major problem.

New Mac Tablet PC?

But time waits for no man as the saying goes, and you can bet your last dollar that in a few years PC’s with a hard-drive will be a relic. As progress marches on, we, the ordinary consumer have little to say in the matter, and will eventually be forced to accept the new data storage system because that will be all there is.

Intel’s Vision Of ‘The Clouds’ Future:

From my perspective, it would seem we are once again diving into uncharted waters, but there again, it won’t be the first time. I for one will test the waters thoroughly with my toe before diving in.

Roy.

No Hable Espanol!

Posted in Britain, England, Europe, Free Speech, Germany, Human Rights, Immigration, Modern World, UK, USA with tags , , , , , on 21/02/2009 by floroy1942

Now that I live in Spain, one of my top priorities is to learn the Spanish language. I had intended to start at a state run academy this month, but as I have to go back to my old stamping ground for an operation, it has been put on hold.

This makes it all the more annoying when I get redirected to the Spanish version of a web site while surfing the net. I try where possible to put my location as the UK, because then at least I get the pages in English. But sometimes that doesn’t work and I still get directed to the .es site automatically. This is very frustrating!

Admittedly, some web pages think of people like me, and put a language selection menu on the page which is handy. What a pity all do not have this foresight.

One of the worst problems is buying stuff on-line. I have for example, I-Tunes on my computer, but when I go to the Shop, I must go to the German page because I have a German credit card. I even had to give my old employers address in Germany just so I could buy music or whatever from Apple. You can’t live in one country and have a credit card or bank account from another? Isn’t it ridiculous?

We have now a global economy, with people moving from one country to another to find work, or some other reason, but this doesn’t seem to get through to the web. How many Poles are living in Western Europe? How many Turks live in Europe? How many Middle East people have moved into Europe? The list is endless, and yet the Internet does not support this migration to the extent it should. It is time company’s ensure their websites reflect the needs of people who no longer live in their countries of origin.

I am sure a Polish person living and working in France would love to view pages of interest to him in his own language, no matter how good he speaks french. To do this he must go to a Polish site, only to find himself redirected to the french site because that is where his computer is!!!

The only web company that has done something useful in this area is Google with its translation tool featured on their pages. A very handy tool that I have made use of frequently.

Web Page designers must be made aware of this shortfall in their product, and the best way to do that is for everybody to send e-mails to the Help Section of the page being viewed. Maybe then they will listen. Miracles do happen!

May tomorrow be better for you than today

Roy.

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