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Fun Time

Posted in America, Australia, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, Teens, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 26/04/2015 by floroy1942

boobs

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while. The voluptuous organist, reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said…. Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday.

146

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one. But after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse’s outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can’t hold down a job, she’s not for him!

1

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: “Your Honour, when I put a coin into a vending  machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?” – He won!

10

Northampton Police report finding a man’s body in the River Nene, near Becketts Park. The dead man’s name will not be released until his family has been notified..
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a ‘Miliband for PM’ on his T-shirt. He also had a cucumber inserted in his rectum.
The police removed the Ed Milliband T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
In spite of what we sometimes think, the Police do care.

15

Pope Francis recently finished his sermon.  He ended it with the Latin phrase, “Tuti Homini” – “Blessed be Mankind.” A Woman’s Rights Group approached the Pope the next day.They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not womankind. So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, “Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini” – “Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.” The day after, a Gay Rights Group approached the Pope.They said that they noticed that he blessed Mankind and Womankind and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, “Sure.” The next day the Pope concluded his sermon with,   “Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti.”

199

Now on sale at IKEA – LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it’s all tongue and groove…

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
A telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialled the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signalling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
This demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

109

For the last six odd years, almost all of the things I wanted to write or say, have been stymied by a recently coined term referred to as “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS”! Although I consider myself rather fluent in the English language, that term was not in my vocabulary. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do a little research and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I’d been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri. An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams that were between Harry Truman and Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the Japanese Surrender Agreement. The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received, not a word has been added or deleted!

 (1) Tokyo , Japan

0800-September 1,1945

To: President Harry S Truman

From: General D A MacArthur

Tomorrow we meet with those yellow bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions!

 (2) Washington, D C

1300-September 1, 1945

To: D A MacArthur

From: H S Truman

Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!

 (3) Tokyo , Japan

1630-September 1, 1945

To: H S Truman

From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz

Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?

 (4) Washington, D C

2120-September 1, 1945

To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz

From: H S Truman

Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!

‘Til next time.

Roy.

Teenage Thrillseekers

Posted in America, Britain, Child Discipline, England, Europe, Insanity, Modern World, News, Teens, UK with tags , , , , on 16/06/2014 by floroy1942

'L'Eau ou Au Resto'Why on earth do teenagers today feel it necessary to do things that would class them in any normal society as nutcases? I read with some amusement, and then sadness about the latest craze among teens with nothing better to do with their lives. It’s called ‘L’Eau ou Au Resto’ and involves throwing themselves fully clothed into a river or canal. Why?

To me, and I am old and past foolish things, that the current generation are so bored out of their gourds with modern life that they have to do these strange things.

MilkingYes, I hear you say, but we did stupid things in our day, but never anything close to what today’s youth are up to. For example, we would think you belonged in the nuthouse if you went to a supermarket, bought a five litre bottle of milk and poured it over yourself on the pavement outside, the so-called ‘Milking ‘ craze of last year.

With regard to this year’s craze, police are warning of the dangers of such an act as at least one person has been killed and several injured trying it.

'L'Eau ou Au Resto'The one who died was a nineteen year-old from Beganne in France who tied his bicycle to his leg because he did not want to lose it when he rode into the river. Unfortunately for him the water was 20ft deep and the weight of the cycle dragged him down and he drowned. The whole episode was filmed by a friend. I wonder what he must have thought when the man did not reappear.

Several people have been seriously injured trying these stunts also. One middle-aged man tried to launch himself into a river but slipped and hit his head on rocks causing severe head trauma.

A young woman wanted to take a jump off a pier but because she was wearing high heels she slipped and hit her legs as she went into the water.

Balcony JumpingThis latest craze is not as bad as the balcony jumping phase that silly teenagers went through a couple of years ago. This involved jumping from high hotel or apartment block balcony’s into a swimming pool below. This caused very many fatalities among young people who fell to their death because they missed the pool, or slipped before they were ready.

FacebookTo stop such idiotic crazes is almost impossible, because they spread like wildfire on sites such as Facebook. Some idiot has a stupid idea, films it and puts it on the website and before you know it, everyone is at it. For some strange reason it has become a ‘Badge of Honour’ thing and our malcontent youth can’t wait to try it. There are videos of ‘L’Eau ou Au Resto’ on YouTube but to be honest, they are not worth a view. They are in French so it is clear where this fad originated.

Your guess is as good as mine when it comes to guessing what the next craze will be. Maybe it will be something completely off the wall like getting a job. But I guess that is too much to ask for.

Ah well! Roll on the day when sanity returns to the human race!

Roy.

Britain and the Devil’s Children

Posted in Britain, Child Discipline, Children, England, Parenting, Teen Violence, Teens, UK with tags , , , , on 14/04/2012 by floroy1942

Amazing how some young children can become monsters, and should perhaps have been strangled at birth. Three stories of occurrences with children caught my eye this week and prompted this post. When it comes to teenagers in Britain, most people are afraid of them, especially if they are hanging around on the street corner ahead wearing the inevitable hood. They are totally unpredictable and may let you pass unmolested, or they may on occasions pull a knife on you. It all depends on their mood and how they see you.

Children are our little darlings and wouldn’t hurt a fly, right? Well, I have to tell you that just this last week there were three cases that I for one find shocking, and totally unacceptable.

The Dreaded Hoodie

The first concerns a 15-year-old Gainsboro’ boy who has just been sentenced to six years in prison for raping two young boys – one of whom was just five. It came out in court that the offences, which took place between April 2008 and September 2010 with a further two in January last year, first occurred when one of the victims was five years old, while another seven-year-old was repeatedly raped over a period of time. In summing up the judge said he could not avoid handing down a custodial sentence due to the repeated nature of the crime.

In another case, the mother of a young Downes Syndrome sufferer is appealing for help in a vicious hate campaign against her daughter. It seems that childhood photos of her sixteen-year-old daughter Heidi had been hi-jacked from the website of the local support group she ran, and along with others, are being used in an internet hate campaign against people with Downes Syndrome on Facebook and other sites. The mother reported the offensive images to Facebook which were eventually removed. It does however indicate how sick some youngsters are that they would post such hate-filled pages on the internet for no apparent reason other than to deeply hurt others.

In Northampton last Monday, two girls saw a group of young boys throwing a very small kitten between them like a ball, and when they got tired of the sport they tossed it from a bridge into the stream flowing underneath. Eventually, once the group departed, the girls were able to retrieve the poor animal from the water. Thankfully, it survived the ordeal and is now in the hands of the RSPCA.

Gang Violence – Girls Too!

None of these incidents are related, but it shows the kind of animals in the guise of youth we are raising these days, and makes me wonder how much further down this road to hell we are going before parents finally decide to become parents and teach their children how to behave. Britain has the highest number of child criminals in Europe and the numbers are rising.

Apart from handing out tougher sentences the government can do very little about curbing youth crime, for the true responsibility lies with the parents alone. They cannot blame the government or the schools, for it is their legal and moral duty to raise their offspring to become responsible citizens in today’s society. In this many are sadly failing and have done so for years, hence the problems we have today. It is no excuse for a parents to yell that they cannot control their kids because they are too wild, for if that is the case they started trying far too late and are not putting enough energy into it.

I have always been convinced that a child must know who the boss is in the house from the cradle. It is no good allowing a child to dictate things for the first two years because; “well, he/she is just a baby” because by the time they get to three and you try applying the discipline you will surely find it is far too late. This happened to some good friends of ours, for now their life is hell and the daughter is only four-years-old. Now she throws tantrums and screams her head off until they give way and let her have what she wants. I would never venture to say that she will eventually grow up into ‘a bad ‘un’, but the possibility is there.

Advice for knuckleheads:

Saturday Night in Any English Town

Now we sit with a generation of youth who think they can get away with murder, literally, and can go out on a Friday and Saturday night and get paralytic drunk without any fear of retribution for their actions. So how bad is it going to get when they become parents and their children are growing up? I leave you with that thought!

Roy.

You Are Sharing More Than You Think On Social Networks

Posted in America, Britain, England, Europe, Human Rights, Mobile Phone, Relationships, Teens, UK, USA with tags , , , , , , , on 16/02/2012 by floroy1942

” My dog just crapped on the carpet” or “I woke up with a hangover this morning” are some of the ludicrous messages people share with the world on Facebook or Twitter, and to be honest, who the hell cares! Internet social sites have become a disease in today’s fast-moving world, and few people seem to be immune. But unknown to most, there are dangers in broadcasting to the world your daily life.

It has been revealed that most of these sites harvest your  personal information such as your entire address book, complete with names, telephone numbers and e-mail addresses without your knowledge. This seems to me a grievous violation of your civil right to privacy. To put it simply, download e.g. the Facebook or Twitter App on your phone, and the company has access to your private data, much of which it stores without your knowledge and consent.

This invasion of privacy is not confined to any one site, but seems to be a universal practice with most, if not all of them. The main culprit seems to be the “Find Friends’ apps that can be downloaded from phone manufacturers like Apple. This company has been criticised by two US Senators who have written to the company asking why this is allowed, considering it is against Apple’s own rules. Company guidelines state:  “Apps that read or write data outside its designated container area will be rejected.” They add: “Apps cannot transmit data about a user without obtaining the user’s prior permission.” Yea Right!

The excuse used by companies that feature this App say they only use the data to identify friends of the people using the service. Of course, ‘I am sure none of this information gets into the hands of advertising companies who want to send you ads all day long, and most certainly wouldn’t be used for market research’!

Twitter tells users that it “may customize your account with information such as a cellphone number for the delivery of SMS messages or your address book so that we can help you find Twitter users you know” and they inform iPhone users that they will “scan (?) your contacts for people you already know on Twitter”. Right! In today’s high pressure world I find it hard to imagine that is all they do for there is a lot of money to be made selling people’s contact data to advertisers and market research companies.

Are You Sure Its Safe?

Whether they do or not, I for one wouldn’t trust it as far as I can throw a 747. Private data should remain just that, private, and I am all for legislation that will totally outlaw these practices and  make the gathering of personal data illegal without the full prior permission of the user. Ever since the internet came along and greedy individuals found ways to make masses of money from it, our private lives have been in perpetual danger, and no-one is more susceptible to it than the users of Facebook, Twitter, and the like. These social websites have blossomed into multi-billion dollar entities over the past ten years, and there is little sign the pace is slackening.

Roy.

Social Networking – A Parents Dilemma

Posted in Child Abuse, Children, England, Justice, Modern World, Relationships, Teens, UK with tags , , , , , , , , on 10/03/2010 by floroy1942

Social network sites like e.g. Facebook, have been around now for quite some time and attract a huge following, especially among the young. In light of events over the past couple of years, many parents with young children, in particular girls, are in a quandary as to what to do about it. With ever increasing use of these sites by pedophiles it is extremely hard to protect youngsters from these preying perverts.

An Innocent Victim

Just recently in Co. Durham, England, a young 17 year-old girl called Ashleigh Hall was raped and brutally murdered by a pedophile called Peter Chapman after he persuaded the girl to meet him using a social network site. Like most of his kind he was trolling the social networking sites looking for innocent young girls he could pull into his evil web. Men of his ilk pretend to be young attractive males and are well into the sort of language used on the internet by the young.

For example, you or I would have no idea what A, S, L means, but in teen-speak it means Age; Sex; Location. Most pedophiles are adept at using the right language and tactics to get any girl to meet them. In cases where police officers have pretended to be a young girl, many of these perverts make no bones about what they are after and are quite blatant. Some will make it clear they are after sex or a webcam show, and others just want an audience while they masturbate on webcam.

Most people now know the shocking details of the Ashleigh Hall case so I won’t go into it here, but suffice to say that Chapman is just one of thousands of evil men who use the social networking sites to find victims. They have become adept at searching out those young girls who are vulnerable through their own curiosity, or feelings of inadequacy. It has become the ‘Holy Grail’ for predatory perverts.

As a parent it is extremely difficult to police the use of such sites as Facebook with young offspring. If you ban them from using it they will most likely go to a friends house and use it behind your back, but if you allow them unrestricted use they may fall prey to sick individuals like Chapman. The sticking point is to find a happy medium between the two extremes. Unfortunately, if you look in on your darling while she is chatting there is no way of telling if the young man she is in contact with is the real thing, or a pedophile. Even she would not know unless it was a friend she already knew.

Peter Chapman

Many pedophiles pretend to be a boy about the same age, or slightly older than the girl they are trying to entrap. Part of the scam is to use photos of some good looking young man with plenty of muscles, and in many cases its hard for girls to resist the charms of the ‘young Adonis’. They often set up another false identity as a young girl with whom the victim can converse, and they will of course confirm that the ‘young man’ in question is ‘a dream come true’.

They rely a great deal on the natural human instinct of curiosity in a young teenage girl regarding sex. Girls, and for that matter boys too, hear all about it from friends, see it at the movies and on TV and then the natural curiosity factor takes over. They want to try it just to see if its as good as everyone says it is. Like learning to walk, it is natural. You can warn them all you like, but the ‘Curiosity Factor’ must be satisfied.

When I was a young man these problems were non-existent, not only because we didn’t have computers, but there was a sense of

Pregnant Teen

Morality that has since been swept away. Children today are bombarded with sex from all sides, Videos, TV, movies, and not forgetting the computer. The liberalisation of our modern day society has its price, as we see with the number of unmarried teenage mothers and a terrible increase in sex crime. The one goes with the other, and to put it another way ‘You cannot have your cake and eat it too!!!’ (As a saying I always found that one a bit weird. Why would you have cake if not to eat it? Never mind, the meaning is however clear.)

Personally, I find that more responsibility should be taken by the sites themselves. They are after all the ones who provide the service for youngsters and should carry some of the responsibility for policing its use. I often wonder why the I.P address of every person you are in contact with is not automatically logged and saved on your computer along with dates and times? Why for example cannot the, e.g., last five chats you have not be stored in the computer memory for a period of perhaps a week or a month automatically?  It should not be too difficult to amend social network programmes to do this when people join. A statement to the effect that these measures are taken when people sign in to the site may prove enough to deter these animals.

Who Are You Chatting To?

Such measures may not stop the children from making silly and sometimes deadly mistakes, but it will give the predators some food for thought, knowing their IP address and last chat is stored on the victims computer. It will also make it easier for the police to track down any individual with a dubious character if a crime does take place. It’s just a silly idea I have that may be possible, but only a computer expert (of which I am not one) will be able to give a definitive answer on its feasibility. If you are a computer expert, perhaps you would like to comment on the possibilities of such an action!

There is one other thing that can be done to put a stop to this evil; the castration of all convicted pedophiles without the right of appeal. If it doesn’t put the fear of God into them it will at least make sure they don’t do it again.

Without a doubt, in these troubled times definitive action is necessary to stop these evil men from destroying the lives of our young girls.

What say you?

Roy.

P.S. A newspaper report by the Daily Mail, which first broke this story, is in trouble with Facebook who are threatening to sue The Mail over the piece that formed the basis for this blog. In order to ensure I do not get sued I have made a few changes. It would seem the Mail news item was not intended by the author to target Facebook as such, but this decision was taken by Mail editorial staff. Face book have said they feel their image has been damaged by the report and thus feel entitled to take legal action. The Daily Mail did change the title of the piece after objections were voiced, and have since printed a public apology.

The Oddity File.

Posted in Britain, England, Insanity, Teens, UK with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on 23/02/2010 by floroy1942

Occasionally odd-ball items appear in the news, and some are incredible to say the least. A news item the other day suggested that Hollywood should pay more attention to science. Not a bad request when you consider some of the things Hollywood will have us swallow. Professor Sidney Perkowitz of Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia has started a drive to get the Hollywood film script-writers to obey the laws of science when writing.

Starship Trooper Bug

He quotes films such as ‘Starship Troopers’ where he says the bug creatures were so huge they would have collapsed under their own weight, and in ‘The Core’, he criticised a team journeying to the centre of the earth to explode a nuclear weapon in order to get the Earth spinning again. For the Tom Hank’s movie ‘Angels and Demons’ the professor was unhappy about the amount of anti-matter Hanks was chasing. It was he said, “More than we will make in a million years running a high energy particle collider” plus he added, “you cannot contain it with an iPod battery”. Quite right Sir, that was a bit over the top.

For myself, I must say the script-writers do sometimes stretch our imaginations and there is room for improvement, but in pure sci-fi movies it would not seem quite right if Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock had to jump on a bus to get across town.

I am sure you have seen rude place and street names, and Britain seems to have its fill of them. Among the funniest are the following: Sandy Balls, a holiday centre in Hampshire the name of which dates back to the time of Henry VIII – Back Passage,

an alleyway in London – Crotch Crescent in Marston Oxfordshire – Friers Entry and Rape Lane in Oxford – Slut’s Hole in Norfolk and Salubrious Passage in Swansea.

Self Explanatory

I guess each country has its oddities, but I find these quite funny. The question is, would you want to live in e.g. Slut’s hole? I guess you need a warped sense of humour to really appreciate these names.

One of the more serious stories to hit the news this last week, was a report that English police have been told not to chase after criminals near the end of their shift in an effort to keep down overtime payments. You would indeed be a lucky criminal if the police were closing in but suddenly all disappeared because their shift was ending. I can just hear the police calling to the criminal; “Stay where you are. The next shift will be along in twenty minutes”.

It would appear some people never learn! Recently a news item told the story of a millionaire’s kid who advertised a party on Facebook while the parents were away. It resulted in the house being trashed by the ‘guests’, causing thousands of pounds worth of damage to the property. Yesterday it seems some silly young girl called Rachel Ross, who is 15 years old, made the same mistake with the inevitable result.

Trashed Party House

As in the first case, our little girl thought to have some fun while her parents were away, but didn’t count on 50 yobs turning up at her door

who subsequently tore the place to pieces. They urinated in cups and a child’s bed, left decorative samurai swords embedded in the walls and poured paint over the family’s laundry. On top of that they stole an X-Box, a Wii, jewellery, two laptops and a collection of antique weapons. The first victims were not short of a bob or two, but Rachel’s parents are not so lucky and are now looking at bills of thousands of pounds to rectify the damage.

It would seem it is now considered ‘cool’ to trash someone’s house at a party and it is fast becoming a regular event. Years ago I saw for myself inconsiderate people stubbing out cigarettes on the carpet or the sofa, and throwing drinks around at parties in someone else’s house, and vowed then never to have a party in my own home. It’s a rule I haven’t broken yet! Sometimes you never know the people you know!

An old English saying; There’s nowt so daft as folk!

Roy.


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