Archive for Emergency Services

Go On! Have A Laugh!

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, Europe, News, Uncategorized, USA with tags , , , , on 18/01/2015 by floroy1942

If you cannot have the occasional laugh life ain’t worth living. I hope you enjoy this selection of recent jokes I received.

TimWhyat (1)

Mick & Paddy were walking home from the pub. Mick says to Paddy, “I can’t be bothered to walk al dat way.” “Me either,” says Paddy, “but we got no money for a cab, and we missed the last bus.” Mick suggests, “We could steal a bus from the Depot.”

They arrive at the Bus Depot and Mick tells Paddy to go get a bus while he keeps lookout. After shuffling around for ages Mick shouts, “Paddy what are you doin, have you found one yet?” Paddy shouts back, “I cant find a No 91.? “Oh bejeesus ye thick sod ~ take a No 14 and we’ll walk from the roundabout.”

Take Care - Its The Flu Season

Take Care – Its The Flu Season


When I was a kid… I thought earwigs were nasty bugs that crawled out of your ear, and then I was scared shitless when I heard about… cockroaches.

Tim Whyat (2)


A hooded armed robber bursts into the Bank of Italy and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the robber’s hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber’s face. The robber shoots the guy dead without hesitation!

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. He sees one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. “Dida anyone elsa seea my face?” calls the robber.There follows a tense minute of silence. An elderly Italian gentleman, tentatively raises his hand and says, “I thinka my wife caught a glimpse.”

 Boss to Blonde: “If I gave you $5 Million minus 10%, how much will you take off?” Blonde: “Everything Sir … shoes, dress, bra, panties … absolutely flippin’ everything!”

 An Emergency Call Centre worker in London, England, has been sacked, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.It seems a male caller dialled 999 from a mobile phone stating, “I am depressed and lying here on a railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally meet Allah.” “Remain calm and stay on the line,” was not considered to be an appropriate response.



Nonsense Overdue – Call 999

Posted in America, Britain, England, Insanity, Modern World, Police, Police Complaints, UK, USA with tags , , on 29/06/2013 by floroy1942

West Yorkshire Police There have not been any funny stories in the news recently but thankfully, an article on the internet caught my eye. It’s all about the crazy reasons why some people dial 999, Britain’s emergency number. The report comes from the South Yorkshire Police, and gives some of the unbelievable reasons why people dial the emergency number. Here’s a list:

1. One strange person rang 999 to complain that his neighbour disliked him because he was jumping up and down on a trampoline wearing a dress!

2. The Police were called by one person who stated ‘her daughter was attacking her’. As the conversation progressed it turned out her child was being very naughty and would not go to bed.

3. One caller rang to complain they could not get Sky TV with her Sky TV card. She was politely informed she should contact Sky.

4. Someone complained that children who live around the corner keep coming to her house to play with her daughter, and one of them ‘pooed’ in her daughter’s playhouse. When asked why she was angry, the irate caller said the child was only three years old but should know better!

5. One man called the Police because he had two women at the door who may be from the housing department, but asked the police to attend because he did not want to talk to them as he was on ‘water tablets’.

6. One Christmas a caller complained about some youths going around singing Christmas carols. He complained because they could not sing, and he thought they were just out to get some money.

The Emergency Services

The Emergency Services

7. One caller was very distressed when he/she rang 999 because the neighbours were making love very loudly with the windows wide open.

8. A caller reported that her daughter of 12 years, had been to the woods with four friends. They had all crossed a stream on a log, but it had slipped from under her daughter and she fell into the stream. This had ruined her new trainers. She asked the boys for help to get out of the stream and they stood there and laughed. Caller states that her daughter then had to walk home with wet feet.

10. A man rang 999 to advise that he had found some driving documents that he thought he had previously lost, and wanted to let them know.

11. A man visiting Newcastle for the weekend woke up in his hotel and complained his trousers were missing.

12. One caller said, “There is a couple with a big brown dog that is running around. It has not been aggressive towards anyone but he is concerned about the size of the dog. He has spoken to the couple about the dog but they have not done anything”.

It may or may not surprise you that these are all genuine calls to the Emergency Services, and each and every caller thought the best thing to do was call the emergency number and tell the Police so they could come round and ‘fix the problem’.

America's Emergency Services

America’s Emergency Services

I have heard that the 911 service in the USA has the same problem although I do not have any information on that.  I guess I shall have to do some digging. In the meantime, I hope this has brightened your day somewhat and at least brought a smile to your face. Until the next time.


Health and Safety Causes Another Needless Death

Posted in Britain, Conservative Party, England, Human Rights, Insanity, Parliament, Political Correctness, UK with tags , , , on 22/02/2012 by floroy1942

I was profoundly shocked to read today that a British fireman refused to go in a pond three feet deep (90cm) to rescue a drowning man because he was only trained to go into water ankle deep! His excuse; Health and Safety Regulations!

R.I.P Simon Burgess - A Life Needlessly Lost

Simon Burgess aged 41 appeared regularly at the model boating lake in Walpole Park, Gosport, England to feed the swans that gathered there. On the day in question he apparently fell into the water suffering from an epileptic fit. He was seen by a 53 year-old woman who called 999 (the UK emergency number), and when firemen arrived at the scene Mr. Burgess was floating face down in the lake.

After the Recovery

On arrival, they refused to enter the water to rescue the poor man because in accordance with Health and Safety Regulations (HSR), they were not trained to go into water above ankle deep. According to the pathologist, Mr. Burgess could very well have been resuscitated at this point. For the man to be rescued from the three foot deep lake a specialist team was required that had been trained to enter water chest deep. At this point a policeman tried to enter the water to get the man out but was restrained and told it was against the HSR. Needless to say, by the time these idiots had got their act together the poor man was dead. Personally, even though I am 69 years old, I would have gone in and rescued the poor man, and to hell with firemen and their H&S Regulations!

Gosport Fire Station - Hang Your Heads In Shame

When interviewed later, Tony Nicholls, a watch manager at Gosport fire station who was first to arrive stated: “The officers were trained to go into ankle deep water, which is level one, so we waited for level two officers, who can go into chest high water. One of the police officers told me he would like to go in the water and I advised him in the strongest terms not to.” Tim Spencer-Peet, Mr Nicholls’s superior said he fully concurred with the action taken by his men. Now if this isn’t a scandal of the highest order I don’t know what is. I can well imagine that pretty soon firemen will refuse to attend a fire because H&S says they may have a traffic accident whilst underway to the fire!

Back When Firemen Were Real Heroes!

But for now we have to accept that once again, a life is needlessly lost because of the stupidity of the current H&S regulations. It is beyond doubt that we have reached a point where the government needs to get these laws into perspective, and stop all this nonsense before people like the fire brigade become totally out of touch with reality. I am pretty sure that many of the dead heroes from yesteryear must be turning in their grave at the sheer cowardice of today’s emergency services. Many of them died in acts of unsurpassable bravery to help people trapped in burning buildings. All members of the Gosport Fire Brigade should hang their heads in shame! 


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