Archive for Computers

Weekend Fun – Again!

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, Children, Europe, Modern World, News, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 13/12/2014 by floroy1942

Time for a little more nonsense which I hope will cheer you up and make you smile:

The Time Machine:

Barak Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each. Barak goes first. “What will the USA be like in 100 years time?” The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a  printout, he reads it out “The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existent,There is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries”

David thinks “It’s not bad this time machine, I’ll have a bit of that” so he asks: “What will England be like in 100 years time?”   The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.   But he just stares at it. “Come on David” says Barak, “What does it say” David replies, “Buggered if I know! It’s not in English!”

Media

Never Lose Your Grandson! A heart-warming story:

My small grandson got lost in the supermarket so he approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

The guard asked, “What’s he like?” The little devil hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Gordon’s Gin and women with big tits.”

Man’s Eternal Weakness:

I hate all  this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an  unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I’m going to take  that.’

A fat girl served me in McDonald’s at lunchtime. She said ‘sorry about the wait’. I said, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll find a way to lose it eventually’.

Driving

The Gunfighter:

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot. ‘Can you give me some tips?’ he asked.

The old man said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high – tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’ ‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ ‘Sure will’

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. ‘That’s terrific!’ said the cowboy. ‘Got any more tips?’

‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it – that’ll give you a smoother draw.’ ‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man. ‘You bet it will,’ said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff-link off the piano player. ‘Wow!’ exclaimed the cowboy ‘I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?’

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’ The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. ‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.’

‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man. ‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won’t hurt as much.’

The ‘Silver’ Surfers: 

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Georgie, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong? He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’ I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, ‘An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.’

Georgie grinned‘Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before? ‘No,’ I replied. ‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’

So I wrote down: ID10T. I used to like Georgie, the little shithead.

Who Needs a Dictionary When You Have Dads:

A small boy has a school homework question to answer, so he asks his father “Dad, what’s the difference between ‘theoretically’ and  ‘realistically’?”
His dad thinks and then says “Right-o son, go and ask your Mother if she’d sleep with David Beckham for a million quid.” …
The boy runs off and comes back saying “Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds.”
“OK son,” says his dad. “Now go and ask your sister the same question.” The boy runs off, and comes back saying “Dad, dad”, she said “she would too!”
So then his dad says “Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he’d sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds.”
The son comes back excitedly saying “Dad! Dad! He said he would too!”
Well there you have it, son,” said his dad. “Theoretically the family could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we’re living with two tarts and a poof.”

Spelling Errors

Mr & Mr Elton John

They had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated. When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming. In the corner, one baby was lying serenely.

A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs. “Isn’t it wonderful?” Elton asked David. “All these crying babies…and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!
“The nurse said, “Oh sure, he’s happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the dummy out of his arse….”

That’s it for this time. I hope it makes your day go with a smile.

Roy.

Come Back Steve Jobs – Apple Needs You!

Posted in America, Britain, England, Europe, Mobile Phone, Modern World, Spain, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 21/05/2013 by floroy1942
RIP Steve

RIP Steve

I don’t know about you, but I think Apple has gone downhill like an uncontrollable landslide since Steve Jobs passed away. When he was alive, you knew instinctively you could trust their products as being extremely reliable, even if they were very expensive, but you got what you paid for. Nowadays, I’m afraid the Apple image has slipped drastically in my estimation, for they are not at all reliable these days.

iPhone

As an example, I had an iPhone 3S for a very long time and never had a problem with it, but ever since I replaced it with the 4S I have had nothing but trouble, and exactly the same goes for my wife who replaced her old phone with the iPhone 5. My 4S phone has been replaced free of charge a total of 3 times due to problems with it, and my wife’s 5 model has been replaced twice, also because of problems. A further example is that my wife has had to take her recently bought MacBook Air back to the shop three times so far to have faulty components replaced.

Despite all that hassle, we bought an Apple Airport Extreme a couple of days ago for her laptop to boost the almost non-existent Vodafone Wi-Fi signal we pay a fortune for, another bone of contention. Just two metres from the Vodafone box and she cannot get a reliable Wi-Fi signal.

The Airport box was described by the salesman in the Marbella outlet as very simple to install. So far so good! We spent three hours yesterday trying to get our two computers and my wife’s laptop connected, all to no avail. Today we tried again for a further three and a half hours, again without any progress.

Bloody Automated Answering Machine!

Bloody Automated Answering Machine!

In sheer desperation, my wife tried to phone the shop and spent the usual five minutes talking to an automated reply system (don’t you just hate those damned things), and when she finally got to speak to a human she was told she should press 2 and not 3. The woman on the other end could not redirect our call so she had to redial. Again with the bloody machine for five minutes before getting through, and shortly after she did, the phone went dead! Try again! It took another two tries before she eventually got through and was helped. After about fifteen minutes on the phone trying various things, she was told that the box may be faulty and we should change it at the store. ERRGGGH! I don’t know if all Apple stores are the same, but at this one we had to make an appointment just to change the darned apparatus, so I am waiting to see what happens this evening.

All Those Little Electrons and Things.....??

All Those Little Electrons and Things…..??

By this time our blood was boiling, and I realized we should both have stayed in bed for the day, if only for the sake of our blood pressure. Neither my wife nor I are computer illiterate, for we both know our way around in computer systems, even if we are not technically savvy enough to know what actually goes on inside, you know, all those little diodes and other things. We are both capable of changing boards and such when required.

When it comes to modern electronic gadgets of all types, I find that systems are becoming much too complicated for the average customer to handle. Even adding what should be a simple device is becoming more and more difficult. Whatever happened to ‘Plug and Play’? Even phones today are so complicated you need a Degree in Electronics just to operate all the functions.

Nice Helpful People In The Apple Store Marbella.

Nice Helpful People In The Apple Store Marbella.

We have been in the Apple store in Marbella many times, and I must say the staff are, on the whole, extremely polite and efficient which does them credit, but the ever increasing number of faulty products must be costing Apple a lot of money. I must also compliment Apple on their exchange programme, for they are quick to recommend replacement of the product under the guarantee without any hassle.

I have no idea if the current poor reliability is because they are all assembled in China, or just poor design. All I do know, is that we will be thinking twice before buying another Apple product, and if many people go through our experiences I can see Apple’s share of the market falling rapidly.

‘The Cloud’ Scares The Hell Out Of Me!

Posted in America, Britain, Europe, Hackers, Muslim, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 09/08/2012 by floroy1942

The recent experiences of Matt Honan in the USA have highlighted a major problem with ‘The Cloud’ that in my opinion is only going to get worse. Over the last few days we have heard about Matt’s case where his entire digital life was erased by a hacker who got into his account via the Apple Tech Assistance. This is just the first of what I am sure is going to be a sustained attack by hackers to get at people’s private data.

Everything Is Connected – Everywhere

Until now, all my private data was kept on my hard-drive in my computer and with the proper anti-virus software and a good firewall I have been able to keep hackers out, but now? With the introduction of this ‘Cloud’ thingamy I am no longer master of my own data. It will in the future be stored somewhere in cyberspace because all computer companies like Apple, Google and Microsoft are going ‘Cloud’. If I wish to keep up with the latest technology I have no choice but to go along with it, whether I wish to or not. To me this is setting a very dangerous precedent, and the day will come when the whole thing comes crashing down.

If He Doesn’t Trust It Neither Do I

I am certainly not the only one with this opinion, for Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple has also said in public that he sees ‘horrendous problems’ in the future as cloud-based computing takes hold. He said.”I really worry about everything going to the cloud, I think it’s going to be horrendous. I think there are going to be a lot of horrible problems in the next five years.” He added: “With the cloud, you don’t own anything. You already signed it away” through the legalistic terms of service with a cloud provider that computer users must agree to. I want to feel that I own things. A lot of people feel, ‘Oh, everything is really on my computer,’ but I say the more we transfer everything onto the web, onto the cloud, the less we’re going to have control over it.” Well! For my money, he should know better than most of us.

Sure, its nice to be able to transfer information between my iPhone, tablet and computer, but at what cost. My data will never have been more vulnerable! All the experts talk of their security arrangements for the cloud with encryption and passwords and all that other baloney, but hackers are not as stupid as the presuppose. The United States government and defence systems are among the most secure on the planet, but that hasn’t stopped hackers getting in time and time again. So what chance do we have with the ‘Cloud’.

The Tip Of The Iceberg, And They Are Not The Real Criminals

You can bet your last dollar that at sometime in the near future someone is going to get in again and create havoc. Just imagine, the passwords, bank details, e-mail addresses, correspondence and all the rest of the data you and I, and tens of millions of others wish to keep to ourselves will be available to the first low-life who gets in. The experts can rabbit on forever about how ‘safe’ it all is but they will never convince me, and they should not convince you with all their glib talk.

Its always the same old story, when someone comes along with an idea that will be a  huge benefit to the world, there is always someone who will use it for personal profit. Criminals hack into our computers looking for bank passwords and the like, and the Spam, market is growing day by day. Imagine if someone managed to get into the Cloud! Of course, I know everyone has protected their data with a personal password etc. and there must be millions in the Cloud, but that will not stop these nasty individuals from creating havoc once they have penetrated the outer defences, and as we saw last week, they are easy to breach.

Waiting For An Opportunity

If we the people allow this travesty we will have no-one to blame but ourselves when the muck hits the fan. I just bought a new iPhone 4S yesterday, but you can bet your life I did not activate the ‘Cloud’ function and I am sure I never will. Hopefully, Apple, Google and Microsoft will give users the option of joining the ‘Cloud’ just like the 4S phone, otherwise I will be very annoyed at being forced to use something I do not consider safe.

If there was a movement to counter the introduction of the ‘Cloud’ I would be the first to sign up. I feel safer with my old P.C. hard-drive and I would willingly enter the ‘Cloud’ like I would enter the fires of Hell.

Roy.

Gamers Beware – The Hidden Spy in Battlefield 3

Posted in Britain, England, Europe, Hackers, Human Rights, UK, USA with tags , , , on 02/11/2011 by floroy1942

Some computer programme manufacturers are getting more cheeky by the day, but currently, EA Games are the champions. I ordered their new game Battlefield 3 in high hopes of a great gaming experience, only to find that if I installed it on my computer, I was allowing EA access to ALL my private data, to be used as they wish!!!!

Maybe A Great Game - BUT BEWARE!

Needless to say, I flatly refuse to allow my personal data to be used by anyone, and have returned the game to the sales point. I will seriously consider not buying any more games from EA if this is the way things are going, and I am sure these sentiments are shared by anyone else who read the Terms and Conditions of Battlefield 3.

The following is an excerpt from their Terms and Conditions:

“You agree that EA may collect, use, store and transmit technical and related information that identifies your computer (including the Internet Protocol Address), operating system, Application usage software, software usage and peripheral hardware, that may be gathered periodically to facilitate the provision of software updates, dynamically served content, product support and other services to you, including online services” It’s not over yet – “EA may also use this information combined with personal information for marketing purposes and to improve our products and services. We may also share that data with our third party service providers in a form that does not personally identify you.”

Origin Engine

You must accept these conditions, which are found on the game engine called Origin, before you can install the game. It would seem from the latest news that sales of this long-awaited game have gone through the roof, but I bet most buyers never bothered to read the Agreement but just clicked on OK!

This is outrageous! How can any company be so blatant about helping themselves by sifting through all the files on your computer and then ‘selling’ the data to third parties whenever they feel like it. This has to be one of the worst cases of invasion of privacy ever to come from a computer programme company, and personally, I wonder if its even legal! Surely we have privacy laws to protect us from this kind of outrage? If that is the case, then someone should start enforcing them!

Keep Your Sticky Fingers OFF!

EA Games have made some of the finest games in the business, and to my mind rank among the very best (not including their after sales service), but, and its a big but, this goes way above anything anyone has tried to get away with before. Yes, some companies do like to gather information from users for use in marketing and such, but nothing on this scale.

It seems that these days, it is absolutely essential to read carefully the fine print when purchasing a game, if you wish to keep anything private on your computer that is. I feel sorry for those gamers, of which there must be many, who just click ‘Yes’ when they get to the Terms and Conditions. This whole episode shows clearly how dangerous that can be!

Roy.

How Safe Will ‘The Cloud’ Be?

Posted in Britain, England, Europe, Hacker, Hackers, Modern World, UK, USA with tags , , , , , , , on 09/06/2011 by floroy1942

It seems nothing can stop the march of technology, with Steve Jobs of Apple this week proclaiming the PC is on the way out because ‘the cloud’ is coming. Personally, I have my doubts!

Soon To Be A Relic Of The Past?

The advent of smart phones and tablets have no doubt changed computing from what we are all used to, now we can do it all on the move. No need to sit behind a desk and punch the keyboard, just flick your fingertips over the screen and its ‘job done’. A nice innovation, and no doubt a boon to busy business people who find it hard to sit still for more than a few minutes. As for the rest of us, I don’t see it having a major impact for some time to come, although it will eventually.

What is more worrying to me as a normal user, is the arrival of ‘the cloud’ and all it promises, and doesn’t promise.

Everythings In The Cloud

It does promise the possibility to transfer data, music or what have you from one piece of equipment to another without having to connect them together with a USB cable. This is because all information will be stored on ‘the cloud’ instead of your Pc’s hard-drive, i.e. there will one huge ‘hard-drive’ in the sky as it were, and everyone will store their data there. You will be able to connect to it with your Ipod, tablet or phone any time you want, providing you have an internet connection that is, and download or upload data as you choose.

Cloud Computing Explained:

What is doesn’t promise you in my mind, is total security of your information should you wish to use ‘the cloud’. Recent events, such as the hacking of Sony and many governments, have left me extremely wary of placing all my data, not to mention private stuff like bank details etc, on some ‘cloud’ over which I have no control whatsoever.

What If He Gets In The Cloud?

To me it seems like a hackers paradise, and you can bet your life that right now some foul despicable low-life is trying to get into the cloud to steal personal data. With the introduction of massive hard-drives in cyberspace, accessible to anyone, hackers must think they have died and gone to heaven.

Past experience has shown quite clearly that no matter how sophisticated the security on a computer system is, it can, and will be hacked. You can hardly imagine a system more secure than the U.S. Defence Department, but its been hacked on more than one occasion.

Everyone’s There

I know that I will not be storing all my data on one of these clouds once they are up and running, but part of the problem is, some of my data is in the hands of, for example,  companies I have dealt with in the past, my bank, government departments and the like. It has already been stated that many companies and institutions are intending to use ‘the cloud’ for their data storage, and coincidentally, along with it my information.

‘Cloud’ Providers:

The sad thing is, I have no control over this, in fact, I will not even know it is being done.

There is little doubt that unless a catastrophe occurs, like the whole cloud suddenly blowing away and everyone’s data being lost, we will not have much choice in the matter. Such an event would no doubt put the brakes on the whole thing, and possibly cause a rethink.

Future Winners In The Cloud Market?

There are new ‘clouds’ coming on line every day as people like Google and Microsoft etc get in on the act, and for sure there will be a ‘battle of the clouds’ in the future as each one tries to get your business. Naturally enough, (you knew there would be a downside) it will cost you. No-one is going to give you your own little ‘hard-drive on the net’ without you having to pay for it. What its going to cost I have no idea, but there will be a subscription fee, probably determined by how much you use the facility. Ouch!

Internet Speed Comparison – You Will No Doubt Notice That Spain Is Not Even Listed!

The one thing that will be essential, not only for businesses but also the private user, is fast, dependable internet. While many countries like Britain are moving to get fast internet connections to every household, Spain where I live, is still in the middle ages. The best speeds in my area are a lowly 3mb and with my current provider I am getting only 0.8mb. Not only that, but the internet went down five times in the last week. Truely laughable when you consider what other countries are getting. When cloud computing takes off people are going to be demanding a much better internet service from their provider, and that is going to be a major problem.

New Mac Tablet PC?

But time waits for no man as the saying goes, and you can bet your last dollar that in a few years PC’s with a hard-drive will be a relic. As progress marches on, we, the ordinary consumer have little to say in the matter, and will eventually be forced to accept the new data storage system because that will be all there is.

Intel’s Vision Of ‘The Clouds’ Future:

From my perspective, it would seem we are once again diving into uncharted waters, but there again, it won’t be the first time. I for one will test the waters thoroughly with my toe before diving in.

Roy.

Great Britain – No! Barmy Britain

Posted in Britain, Children, England, English Schools, Immigrants, Immigration, Insanity, Modern World, Primary Education, Primary Schools, UK with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on 07/07/2010 by floroy1942

If you were never quite sure if the British were really barmy, then confirmation has just arrived.

Manor Park Pupils

Manor Park Primary School in Aston, Birmingham has just bought 230 of its children a translation computer because 60% of the 364 pupils attending the school cannot speak English.

The school has been flooded with immigrant children who do not speak a word of English, and are unable to communicate with their teachers or other pupils, hence this dramatic step. The school pays an annual bill of £700 for the software which of course comes from everyone’s taxes. Comments on the article, which appeared in the Mail Online are to say the least not very complimentary.

Ethnic Pupils in English Schools

Most people have the same opinion as I; if these children cannot speak English they have no right to be in an English school. English schools are for English speaking children and should not pamper to the mass of immigrants that are flooding into the country.

During the many years I lived in Holland free language schools had been set up by the government for immigrants to learn the Dutch language, and thus help them integrate into Dutch society. This is also true of other European nations. My own wife went to such a school and within a few weeks could speak very good Dutch.

So why has such a system not been introduced into England?

In my opinion it should be a requirement for all immigrants to attend free classes set up by the government to teach them the basics of the English language before they can apply for a job, or in the case of children, go to school.

Translation Programme at work

At the Manor Park School children communicate with their teacher and other pupils by typing into the translation computer which has 25 different languages in the software.

But I have to ask, how can a teacher successfully teach a class when every word he/she utters must go through a translation programme (95% accuracy)so the children can understand what he/she is saying. The reverse is true of course, for the pupils must also type into the computer any questions they have for the teacher.

It must be obvious to anyone that this is not fair to those 40 or so percent who are, or do speak English because they are substantially held back by the sixty or so percent that do not.

Jason Smith Head Teacher

Head Teacher Jason Smith has described the system as an invaluable tool rather than a replacement for teaching English, but to my mind, it will not give children from immigrant backgrounds the incentive to learn the language, especially when their parents show no inclination to learn it either.

This is one of the main reasons why immigrants from whatever country tend to live in close communities which gives them the feeling they are still living on their ‘home soil’ even if it is in a foreign land.

Architects of Multi-Cultural Britain

It was the great plan of the New Labour Party, with the traitors Tony Blair and Co. who decided unilaterally to turn Britain into a multi-cultural society, but look at the mess we are in now.

Is the country soon to be broken up into diverse cultures and languages with the great majority of the population not being able to communicate among themselves?

This sort of pampering to immigrants must stop NOW before the clock is turned back 3,000 years and the country disintegrates into tribes once again.

The latest figures from the Education Department show that a total of 910,610 pupils in English schools do not have English as their first language, an increase of 42,750 over 2009.

Tower Hamlets - Muslim Enclave

In the Tower Hamlets Borough of London, a Muslim enclave, 78% of the inhabitants have little or no English, the highest in the UK, and the sad thing is, they don’t care, and don’t wish to learn the language of their adopted country.

This in itself is a scandal and should not be tolerated by ethnic Britons or the British government. Every foreign child and foreign born parent MUST be made to learn the language of the country they have chosen to live in, OR LEAVE! It’s as simple as that, otherwise the whole fabric of the English nation will at some time in the future be torn apart. I know I am far from alone in my opinions, for very many people in Britain feel the same and it is certain that at some time in the future there will be a reckoning such as the world has never seen.

Other European countries, and especially America, would do well to heed the warning of what is happening in Britain today, for some day they will find themselves in the same boat unless appropriate action is taken.

Roy.



Malware – The Curse of Criminal Fingers

Posted in Britain, England, Europe, Hacker, Hackers, Prison, UK, USA with tags , on 29/03/2009 by floroy1942
Virus

According to the latest reports, there was a huge rise in malware during 2007. Malware, or malicious computer programmes, have been around for a long time, but security companies suggest there was a 500% increase in the number of variants of malicious programmes over the previous year. Who can guess what 2008 will bring. Criminals make ‘variants’ of malware to try and bypass anti-virus programmes.

AV Test, a software security testing organization, said they had seen 5.49 million unique samples of malicious software in 2007 which is five times more than the 972,606 it saw in 2006. Another firm called Panda Software said the rise represented a ‘malware epidemic’.

These programmes are not quite what you and I would call virus’s, trojans or spyware and the like, they are used for criminal purposes, and are far more dangerous. Criminals use them to gain access to computers to steal data, financial and personal information, or to access a bank for example, with the intent to steal money. There are also of course the hackers, whose main aim is just to cause mischief.

It is necessary therefore to have a good antivirus programme installed, but according to today’s information, the ‘epidemic’ was caused by criminals who were trying to redesign their software so that it would not be picked up by antivirus programmes. Oops! Food for thought!

What I find so disgusting about the whole affair is how seldom they are caught, and when they are, they get hired by some software company instead of going to jail. These people are without doubt the ‘Super-geeks’ of the computer world, but dammit, they commit crimes and make the lives of ordinary people miserable. For that they should be punished – severely!

It would seem the law makers only want to punish these people if they break into government computers. What about the rest of us?

There is currently a computer hacker in the U.K. awaiting extradition to the USA for breaking into, among others, US Defence Department computers. He is doing everything he can to avoid the extradition, even going to the Court of Human Rights in The Hague. I hope they turn him down. If convicted in the States he faces 25 years behind bars. But there again, it was government computer systems he hacked into.

If you or I end up being hacked or get a virus, we spend a lot of time getting our computer cleaned up and Windows reloaded, and who knows what data we have lost, and what it has all cost, but no-one gets ‘done’ for it.

I think I have a solution however. If these people are caught the law should consider amputating their fingers. Have you ever tried typing with your nose or tongue?

May your Windows always be clean!

Roy.

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