Archive for the President Category

The World In Crisis

Posted in America, Britain, China, Environment, Government, Insanity, News, North Korea, President, Russia with tags , , , , on 13/08/2017 by floroy1942

It has often been said in the past that mankind will end up destroying itself. A bold statement if ever there was one. But with the current crisis with North Korea anything is possible. Kim Jong-Un has said he will fire missiles at the island of Guam in the coming three weeks or so, and if they are nuclear tipped the world will go to war.

President Trump’s statement that he will attack North Korea if that happens could be the prelude to a world nuclear war, for China has already said that if America unleashes nuclear weapons at North Korea they will retaliate. Who knows which side Russia will back if that happens.

Map: Guam in relation to North Korea

Guam has been an American military base since 1898 when they captured it from the Spanish during the Spanish-American war. Since then it has been the only base for Americans in the Far East. Guam is very important for the Americans and has become known as the ‘Tip of the Spear’ for the American armed forces in the Far East.  The remote 210-square mile US territory, about 4,000 miles west of Hawaii in the western Pacific Ocean, is a vital US military outpost and host to strategic bombers and at least 6,000 US service members. It is just 2,200 miles southeast of North Korea and is vulnerable to North Korea attack.

It is rumoured that the North Korea is developing missiles to reach the mainland of America and they are close to achieving this. If this happens we could see all-out war between America and North Korea. This could possibly mean that China jumps on the ‘band-wagon’ against America.

Many American politicians are of the opinion that this will never happen, but with someone like Kim Jong-Un it is dangerous to ignore this. He has total control over his country and has a huge army that could invade South Korea. If this happens we could possibly see Trump unleash nuclear weapons on the north.

There can be little doubt that if this happens, radioactivity will spread around the world and we may well see the end of mankind on this planet.

Roy.

Hillary Clinton Tantrum On Losing The Presidential Election

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, European Union, Insanity, Modern World, News, Politics, President with tags , , , on 18/02/2017 by floroy1942

I received a piece about Hillary Clinton through my e-mail and wondered if its true. Sounds to me like it could be but who knows. You can make up your own minds.

Hillary Clinton’s post election celebration plans included hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of fireworks, live performances by various celebrities, such as Cher, who came believing that Hillary was going to win the  election, a five-hundred-thousand-dollar special effect glass ceiling that she  would break through in a dramatic display once she walked out on stage at her H.Q., among millions of dollars worth of other celebratory preparations, all paid for by the Clinton Foundation in full.
The most notable damage was located deep in the VIP room of the Clinton camp. A custom  150 inch ultra HD TV, a gift from the Saudi Arabian government, was found with a broken screen. The damage was caused by a $950,000 bottle of champagne that was believed to have been thrown at the screen by the former presidential candidate some time during the election. Even hubby Bill is reportedly terrified of her screaming tantrums.
Early in the morning, the custodial staff were greeted by flipped-over tables as the floors were covered with expensive food, drinks, and appetizers. Broken champagne flutes and gilded silverware were also seen scattered around the would-be party room.
The  most telling sign of a massive meltdown was the cake. The pastry that  had once proudly displayed the presidential seal, was violently flung against the walls in chunks. A broken topper from the cake in the  shape of the white house was discovered lodged firmly into the drywall near the dessert table.
Clinton’s splurge on party supplies was merely an echo of all the left-leaning polls and hype that “confirmed” Hillary Clinton’s indubitable win. Misled by just about every prediction, Hillary Clinton personally planned one big party for her assumed victory. Once it became clear that it would not be Clinton ‘s night, however, the mood of the party soured rapidly.
A former staffer, who was fired during the rampage, said that the atmosphere around Clinton went from “queen of the hour” to “the girl who was dumped on prom night” in only a few moments.
Hillary Clinton reportedly became “physically violent” towards her own campaign staff after she realized she had lost the presidential election, according to radio host Todd Kincannon. “CNN reporter tells me Hillary became physically violent towards Robby Mook and John Podesta around midnight; had to be briefly restrained,” tweeted Kincannon.
It was Podesta who was sent out to talk to Hillary’s dejected supporters shortly before Hillary called Donald Trump to concede, with Clinton nowhere to be seen until the following day.
When asked about rumors that Hillary was drunk on election night, Kincannon responded, “She was. I posted about that too. She was in a “psychotic drunken rage” according to my reporter friend. Doctor added sedatives to the mix.”
Kincannon then claimed that CNN blocked the reporter from publishing what would have been a bombshell story.  “The CNN reporter didn’t fail to report it. His editors will not let him. CNN  has banned all “Hillary in the bunker” stories,” he  tweeted.
Secret  Service officials and other staff who  worked closely alongside Hillary have previously reported her problems with angry tantrums on numerous occasions. Last year it was also reported that Clinton ’s own campaign staffers feared she could have a serious meltdown and that Hillary had  “been having screaming, child-like tantrums that have left staff members in tears and unable to work.” In addition to claims that she became irate, author Ed Klein said a source told him Hillary cried  inconsolably to a friend after the results came in, blaming FBI director Comey and President Barack Obama for not doing enough to stop the FBI investigation into her email scandal.

This could be a load of bunkum of course, but I thought it worthy of passing on. At least you can have a good laugh. I bet Donald Trump would laugh at this if he ever saw it.

Roy.

What Will Trump’s Legacy Be?

Posted in America, Britain, European Union, Human Rights, Immigrants, Islamic State, News, People's Rights, President, Russia with tags , , , , on 31/01/2017 by floroy1942

President Trump has upset a lot of countries in his first two weeks in office, and we have yet to see how many more are in line. Judging by the number and size of demonstrations against him it seems he is currently the most hated president of all time in the States.

It’s true that he has made some unpopular decisions, like the Muslim immigrant ban and his determination to build a wall between Mexico and the United States and make Mexico pay for it. The burning question is, what else does he have up his sleeve. He is without doubt the most radical president the U.S. has ever had.

I would not be surprised if he ends up being assassinated if he continues on his current path, for there has never been such an unpopular president in all of America’s history. Despite all the millions of people around the world who are demonstrating against his decisions, he still holds fast on the presidential orders he has made.

What does this say for the future of the United States and his legacy? Well, if he carries on with these unpopular decisions he may not last four years and could end up being impeached by Congress.

In contrast, the American people are demonstrating in their millions against the decisions he has made, especially his immigration ban which has affected all Muslims living, or wanting to settle in the United States. Currently there are about 3.3 million Muslims living in the USA and many who wish to move there. Trump’s plan has stopped this and the numbers of those refused entry are growing day by day.

With the number of militants increasing daily, and the rising number of attacks in European countries, it would seem like a plausible idea to stop them entering, but they are a tiny fraction of those who wish to enter. The trouble is, how do you distinguish these radicals from innocent people.

Currently, all Muslims from Iraq, Syria, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen are banned from entering the USA, which is due to the number of radicals that are fighting in these countries. But Trump’s new law goes further than this by banning all Muslims from entering the USA. There can be little doubt that this law cannot be sustained, for many are returning from abroad and live in America with families waiting for their return. How this turmoil will end is anyone’s guess, but for now it is making Trump the most hated leader in the world.

With the tensions between China and the U.S. over the South China Sea, and with the Russians, it is clear we are living in dangerous times, with the threat of nuclear war increasing as is evidenced by the world coming half a minute closer to annihilation according to the scientists. It would seem that once again the world is entering a period of major instability and someone like Trump is not helping to ease the tension.

I sincerely hope that this time of turmoil will pass and he calms down. He needs to improve international relations with the rest of the world and make efforts to ensure the people can live in hope once again. He needs to repair relations with foreign countries he has upset and move forward to making the world a place of peace once more. Given time, he may turn out to be a good president for the USA if he curbs his radical decisions. We have no choice but to wait and see how things turn out.

Roy.

Just Joking!

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, European Union, Insanity, News, President, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 29/11/2016 by floroy1942

1

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

2

A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, “How dare you belch before this woman!” The drunk says, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know she wanted to go first.

3

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while. Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, “Hurry, hurry! It’s going to rain and we left the top down!”

4

Mr. Brown was working in his garden when on the other side of the fence, he heard his neighbour crying. Mr. Brown popped his head over the fence and asked, “What’s the matter Mary? What has upset you?” The blonde neighbour replied, “My dog has died and I’m going to bury it here.” Mr. Brown said, “You only have one dog, so why have you dug three holes?” She answered, “The first two were too small.”

5

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, “Why are you home so early?” He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” She said, “Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?” Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?'”

6

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.” “Gee, that’s tough,” he replied. “Then in September,” the friend continued, “my father died, leaving me $90,000.” “Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.” “Then last month, my aunt died and left me $15,000.” “Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.” “Then this month,” continued the friend, “absolutely nothing!”

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?

7

A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too.” The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.” “$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man. “Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests.”

8

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.” The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.” Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.” As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”

9

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!” The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal.” The trucker replies, “Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick.”

Hope you enjoyed it. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

So Trump Has Won – What Next?

Posted in America, Britain, Elections, England, European Union, Immigration, Islamic State, News, President, Russia with tags , , , , on 10/11/2016 by floroy1942

Against all the predictions Donald Trump has won the American election for President. So what now? There seems to be great unrest in America at the result, for many are not waiting to see what the man can do for America and demonstrate on the streets against him. Will he be a good President and solve many international and domestic problems or not. That is the question on many people’s lips at the moment.

Top of the agenda will be solving the tensions with Russia, but Putin has already said he is hopeful of  relieving the tensions that currently exist with Trump when he becomes President. That at least is a step in the right direction.

It will be interesting to see what input he has with regard to the ongoing war in the Middle East. Will he be able to solve the problem of ISIS by working with other countries? We will have to wait and see.

Many countries are a little fearful of what he will do on international relations with various countries. He is not a politician but a business man, so there may not be a softly softly approach to his dealings with many countries. His idea of building a wall along the border with Mexico is just one example.

On the domestic side many are fearful of what he will do to solve the problems currently evident in the USA. Crime must surely be top of the list as it steadily increases. Sad to say, but a lot of it is due to the blacks and Mexican immigrants and it remains to be seen how he will deal with this problem. The economy is also something that he needs to look at, but being a business man he may be able to help get it back on its feet again.

Without doubt the position of President of the United States is a powerful post and whoever holds it can do a lot of good in the world. On the other hand it can bring the world into chaos. We will just have to wait and see how Trump handles it. We can only hope he does the right thing.

Roy.

Who To Choose – Trump Or Clinton?

Posted in America, Britain, Canada, Elections, Environment, European Union, News, Nuclear Weapons, Obama, President with tags , , , , on 18/10/2016 by floroy1942

Clinton Versus TrumpThis article may ruffle a few feathers among Americans, especially as I do not live in the USA, but the question is a valid one. Which candidate would you choose as President of the United States of America? On the one hand we have Hilary Clinton, and on the other business man Donald Trump. To be perfectly honest I would not choose either of them, for neither one is honest enough to hold the post.

So far as Hilary is concerned there is the scandal of her e-mails while she was Secretary of State, plus the scandals surrounding her and her husband while he was President. Plus their Clinton Foundation shenanigans. There is of course much more hiding under the table.

So far as Trump is concerned he has made himself unpopular with women because of secret recordings made while he made jokes about women and the many allegations of rape made against him from women who have suddenly come forward after staying silent for many years. On top of this there are his many failures in business which are steadily becoming public knowledge.

To be completely honest, I think that neither of them are fit for the most powerful post in the world, i.e. President of the United States.

In the last few elections for this post there has been mudslinging one against the other, but neither candidate has laid out how they would run the country. This was always the main focus of attention by prospective nominees in the distant past, but that has disappeared in the more recent elections.

Obama and Mitt Romney fought like cats and dogs, slandering each other and not concentrating on how they would run the country, and the same is true now. The Presidential Election has become a ‘no holds barred’ fight between the two candidates and whoever manages to drag up the most dirt about their opponent wins. This is not the way to run an election for the Presidency.

It would be nice if each candidate laid out the plans they have for running the country, and how they would coöperate with foreign powers. The people should be more interested in how they would serve the public and make their lives better. But it seems that this approach is history as we delve more and more into ‘in-fighting’ between the candidates.

The position of President of the United States is the most powerful in the world, and those who hold it should be concentrating on making lives better and paving the way for true peace in the world, but with these two candidates that will never happen. Clinton is only interested in making herself and her husband richer at the expense of the people, while Trump is only out for fame and fortune.

How will they treat Russia? Will they enter into negotiations to lift the threat of war that is currently hovering over the world? How will they treat the catastrophe that has overtaken the Middle East? What will they do in America to battle the increasing contamination of our atmosphere. How will they improve the living standards of the American people? All of these subjects have not even entered their heads for they say nothing about how they would act as President. All they do is concentrate on mudslinging.

All I can say is, God help us all if either of these two get into power.

Roy.

America, Before You Vote For President Watch This!

Posted in America, Britain, Canada, European Union, Justice, News, Politics, President, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 01/08/2016 by floroy1942

I have always held the opinion that Hilary Clinton is downright corrupt and should never be President of America. Before you decide to vote for her watch this video that has been made by Dick Morris who worked for both Clinton’s for many years.

<https://www.facebook.com/dickmorriscom/videos/10154398092154438/>

Roy.

Joke Time – It’s Friday

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, European Union, Modern World, News, Politics, President, USA with tags , , , , on 29/07/2016 by floroy1942

1

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, “My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.”

2

A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver and says, “You failed to stop at the red light. Let me see your driver’s licence.” The blonde asks, “What does that look like?” The blonde cop answers, “It is rectangular and has your picture on it.” The blonde looks around inside her purse and mistakes her mirror for the license. When she hands it to the blonde officer, he looks at it and replies, “Oh, I didn’t know you were also an officer. You can go!”

3

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

4

A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbour with her problem. The neighbor says, “All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red.” The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden naked for a few minutes. The next morning, the neighbour comes over to the woman’s house and asks the woman if her tomatoes have turned red. The woman says “No, they’re still green, but I noticed the cucumbers grew four inches!”

5

Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting. She comes back with 2 rabbits. The other two say, “Wow, where did you get that?” She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped.” Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer. The other two say, “Wow, Where did you get that?” She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped.” The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue. They others say, “Wow, where did you get that?” She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn’t stop.”

6

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. “Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?” The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out “352!” He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep. “I’ll take this one,” she says proudly. “It’s the cutest!” “Hey lady,” says the shepherd, “If I guess your real hair colour, can I have my dog back?”

7

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?” His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night, whether you’re here or not.”

8

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”

9

 

A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house’s doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. “Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?” she asked. The boy replied, “Under my buckin’ hat.”

11

I hope you enjoyed it. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

Make Saturday A Happy Day

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, President, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 04/06/2016 by floroy1942

1

A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, “Are all of those kids yours?” He replies, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”

2

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.” Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas.”

3

A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, “Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?” She replied, “He’s probably playing golf with his friends.”

4

A blonde sees a thermos in a store. She asks a clerk, “What is that and what’s it for?” The clerk answers, “It’s a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” The blonde says, “I’ll take it.” When she gets to work, her blonde boss asks, “What is that?” The blonde worker says, “It’s a thermos. It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot.” “Whatcha got in it?” “A cup of coffee and a Popsicle.”

5

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?'”

7

Q: What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? A: “Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.”

Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one of them turns to the other one and asks, “Hey, isn’t that Hortense?” The other drunk chimes in and says, “No, she looks pretty relaxed to me.”

7

A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, “Ouch, that hurts!” The doctor said, “I know your problem.” The blonde asked, “Is it bad, doctor?” The doctor replied, “No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee.”

8

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!

 

9

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so. “I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!” They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half. They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister. “I guess we can go home now, Mabel,” she said. “This is where we came in.”

10

There was a redneck who hit every black man he saw with his truck. One day he saw a priest walking down the road and thought, “For all the bad things I done, let me give this priest a ride.” So he picked the priest up and they drove along. The redneck saw a black guy down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep and so the priest would think it was an accident. The redneck closed his eyes and heard a loud bang. “What happened?” he asked. “You missed him,” the priest said, “but I got him with the door.”

11

A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, “I’m here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I’m going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their balls which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck.” The man says “Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?” The animal control employee says, “Oh, that’s for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla, shoot the dog.”

12

I hope you enjoyed it. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

Something To Brighten Your Weekend

Posted in America, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, Politics, President, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 30/04/2016 by floroy1942

1

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, “My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.”

2

There was a blonde driving in the country side when she went around the corner and saw an ocean of wheat fields. Then she saw a blonde in a row boat frantically paddling. The blonde driver yelled out, “Hey! It’s blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I knew how to swim, I’d swim out there and kick your ass!”

3

A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, “Why didn’t you get me a gift?” the husband says, “You haven’t used the one I got you last year!”

4

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, “Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00.” Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. “Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, “Can I help you?” “I was wondering,” whispers the man, “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Yes,” she purrs, “I am.” The man replies, “Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”

5

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won’t run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

6

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.” “But I always get it here,” says the blonde. “Do you have the container it comes in?” “Yes!” says the blonde, “I will go and get it.” She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.” The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, push up bottom.”

7

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, “Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn’t dance a single step!” “So?,” asked the duck’s former owner, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot?”

8

An American tourist walks out of a Mexican train station when he notices he isn’t wearing his watch. A Mexican man is resting under a sombrero under a nearby tree. The American approaches the Mexican and asks, “Excuse me, do you know what time is?” The Mexican looks at the donkey, grabs its balls, and replies, “4:30.” The American asks, “How do you know that?” The Mexican replies, “Well you get a handful of the donkey’s balls and lift them up so you can see that clock across the street.”

9

A blonde, brunette and redhead were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, redhead had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools. It began to pour down raining, so the redhead and brunette both pull out condoms and put them on their cigarettes. The blonde asks, “What are you doing?” and they reply, “We’re saving it for later.” Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says “What size: small, medium, or large?” She answers, “I don’t know, one to fit a camel?”

11

A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, “There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, “What’s so funny?” She says, “I’m imagining how they make condoms.”

11

“Babe is it in?” “Yea.” “Does it hurt?” “Uh huh.” “Let me put it in slowly.” “It still hurts.” “Okay, let’s try another shoe size.”

Q: Why is sex like math? A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

12

A blonde decides to try horseback rising. On her first outing, the bouncing horse causes her to lose control. As she’s thrown from the horse, her foot catches in the stirrup, so she lands head first. Just as she loses consciousness, the carnie stops the carousel.

13

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender is livid and says to the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” “No. What did that stupid monkey do this time?” says the patron. “Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole” says the bartender. “Yeah, well I hope it kills him because he’s been driving me nuts,” says the patron. The guy finishes his drink and leaves. Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs one, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks. “What now?” responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a peanut up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it” says the bartender. “Well, what do you expect?” replied the patron. “Ever since he ate that darn cue ball he measures everything first!”

14

A man walk into a bar and says, “Give me something to drink just no vodka.” The bartender asks, “Why? That’s your typical drink of choice.” The man replies, “Because last night I got drunk and blew Chunks.” The bartender says, “Well, it’s normal to blow chunks if you drink too much. The man says, “No, Chunks is my dog.”

15

I hope you had a laugh. Until next time.

Roy.

Are You Voting For Clinton?

Posted in America, Britain, Elections, Government, Modern World, News, Politics, President, USA with tags , , , on 20/04/2016 by floroy1942

Voting for Hillary Clinton – See what you think of this!

https://youtu.be/kypl1MYuKDY

Just click on the link. It will open your eyes. I should warn you that I have no way of verifying this statement, but I thought it might interest many voters for it is going viral.

Roy.

 

Obama Caught Out By Advanced Technology

Posted in America, Demonstration, Modern World, News, Obama, President, Summit, Terrorism, United Nations, USA with tags , , , , on 19/11/2014 by floroy1942

Its true what they say, you cannot stop the advances in technology that hit us from all sides on a daily basis. This time it seems that the President of the USA was caught out.

Air Force One

Air Force One

For decades the safety of the President has been in the hands of the Secret Service who are tasked with protecting him. But it would seem that now a new measure has been introduced thanks to advanced technology.

It concerns the safety surrounding Air Force One, the Boeing VC-25 that currently takes Obama around the world to various meetings, conferences and on diplomatic visits. Normally the aircraft always has a military escort but this is soon to be replaced.

New scientific advances have allowed the aircraft to become totally invisible, which will give the President and his entourage complete protection from terrorist attacks because you cannot shoot down what you cannot see.

The aircraft was ready for its maiden flight and an Air Force General asked Obama if he would like to fly on the test flight. Obama immediately agreed that he would and they proceeded to the airport. The following photo was taken as the President boarded the plane.

 

 

 

President Boards The New Invisible Air Force One

President Boards The New Invisible Air Force One

Roy.

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