Archive for the Old Age Pensioner Category

Killings

Posted in America, Britain, England, European Union, Government, News, Old Age Pensioner, Police, Prison, Teen Violence with tags , , , , on 12/08/2018 by floroy1942

Why are so many people bent on killing other people? In England the situation is getting worse as more murders are carried out. Why? Years ago Britain lived in peace and there were hardly any murders, and those that were caught were hanged. We have to get back to this. Most of the murderers are young adults who get in a rage because of something that the other youths disagree with them. We should teach our children not to harm others because of an argument. But parents don’t care these days and ignore the growing up of children.

Why don’t we get back to old days where children were educated by the parents not to do things that were against the law and harm others. When I was a child my parents were strict and told me not to do things that harmed others. That is all gone now as the parents don’t take any notice of the children growing up. They do not bother and allow them to get into fights and steal from shops.

When they get older they get into fights with others, and sometimes they kill them. What is the matter with these people? The number of killings in London has risen by 200% in the last two years and the police can’t find the culprits. Sometimes they capture a killer, but that is not always the case.

For murder they should be sent to prison for life, and some should be hanged. We are getting out of hand with these killers, and who knows that once they get out of prison they will not murder someone else. It has happened.

Once we get out of Brexit there should be strict laws that enforce these killers not to do any harm to others. The hanging should be enforced to stop these murders. Anyone who kills should be sent to prison and hanged by the throat until they are are dead. We cannot go on like this where murderers are sent to prison for four or six years and then released.

In Europe this has been going on for years and the prisons are overcrowded with Muslims. Why don’t they sent them back to where they came from and let the countries that are there homes sentence them. Murderers should be hanged a soon as the court has reached a decision.

We cannot go on like this, for the people are very worried about this and it is not only the young folk that get killed, but also old-age pensioners and middle-class people. We cannot go on like this for ever, for we will be in a horrible situation in the future.

Roy.

Brexit – A Message For Young People

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, Canada, England, European Union, News, Old Age Pensioner, Parliament, Teens with tags , , , , on 29/06/2016 by floroy1942

So Brexit has won and now the whole country is going mad – why? Our young people are up in arms because they lost the vote to stay in the Union, but it seems that not one of them has evaluated the situation properly.

In my view they should all calm down instead of demonstrating outside Parliament, and wait and see what happens, as should many other people who were against the break. At the moment we have no idea what will happen in the near future, but I can assure you that when all the hubbub dies down and reason returns, things will not be as bad as they currently seem. The reason I say this is because the Union has as much to lose as we do.

Brexit!Firstly, we have to wait until the negotiations with Brussels begin to see how things turn out. Once cooler heads start talks we will have a better picture of how the future will look. As you would expect, there is a lot of disgruntled people in Brussels who are saying they will make it hard on Britain to leave.

Most of those are people in the Commission who are deadly afraid that other nations will follow Britain and hold a referendum. They are desperately afraid of the results, which could mean that many other countries will follow Britain’s lead.

If the European Union collapses completely this would result in them being out of a job and lose not only their power, and but also their numerous monetary benefits. You have to remember that none of these people were voted into power, and indeed, have no right to run the Union. Why nations have accepted this up until now is beyond me.

Our youth voted to stay in because they are totally unaware of what is happening to the the Union. We are coming more and more under the control of Brussels as are all the other countries in the bloc.

uk-law-brussels-flags

As the above graph shows (Official Figures), Britain is rapidly losing its capacity to govern this country as more and more regulations and decisions are made in Brussels. They are slowly taking over all decisions and dictating to us what we should do, and how. Anyone dumb enough to think that this will stop is a fool, because it will never end, and they will finally be in complete control of our country. We have to make those who are demonstrating against Brexit aware of what is really happening.

This is one of the reasons why older people, who are much more ‘world wise’, voted against the E.U., for many have the life experience and knowledge to see what is happening. You cannot say that about the young, for they have not yet learned about the way the world works.

All the cries to hold a second referendum will do no good, for the leaders in Brussels have already said they will not honour the result of such a thing. For them the die is cast, the people have spoken and that is an end to it. So what we need to do now is sit back, relax, and see what comes out of the negotiations.

Airbus WingsI don’t believe it will be that bad for Britain because the Union has as much to lose as we do. Trade may change a little, but there are many companies in Europe that rely on our goods, and will not want to start searching for new sources of supply. Airbus have already said they will not search for new manufacturers of wings for their Airbus planes, and there are many more such companies.

One of the big things in our favour is that countries like Australia, New Zealand, Canada and many more look forward to doing business with us again. It may take some time after the Brexit becomes final, but trade will pick up and we will be doing what we did before the European Union came along.

Already the pound and the FTSE are beginning to rally after the huge drops we saw immediately after the results of the referendum were made known, and as I said before in previous posts, we may go through a hard time, but it will be short and we will come out much better off than we were before.

It doesn’t help to get all ‘hot under the collar’ and start screaming for a new referendum, because all we need is a little patience and the whole problem will sort itself out. I firmly believe that this country will be far better off, and have a much better future once we get out from under the jackboot of the E.U.

My advice is to relax and see what comes out of the negotiations with Brussels in a few months time, for it may not be as tough as many people think.

Roy.

How Heartless Can People Be Today?

Posted in Britain, Christianity, England, Human Rights, Justice, News, Old Age Pensioner, Traffic, UK with tags , , , , on 10/09/2015 by floroy1942

I was scanning the Yahoo News page today when I saw CCTV footage of a speeding car that ran into a 91 year-old RAF veteran. The car, driven by Gurpreet Sandhu, aged 27 was speeding at 56mph in a 30mph zone when he hit John Downes in Sutton Coldfield in the West Midlands of Britain as he was crossing the road. The driver was listening to very loud music in his car.

Three other people were waiting to cross the road at the time he crossed. As the car hit him and flung him high into the air and over the car, they saw everything that happened.

There were two women and one man who saw everything, but once the old man hit the ground the two women turned around and walked away as if nothing had happened. From the video it appears that only the man dropped his umbrella and moved across the road to help the victim.

I find this typical of many people today who are simply not willing to help others in trouble because they think it has nothing to do with them. I am truly sickened by this uncaring attitude of people today who think that if it does not affect them directly its none of their business. How can anyone be so heartless as to ignore an old man lying critically injured in the street? The least they could have done was take the time to call an ambulance!

Whatever happened to our Christian values?

https://uk.screen.yahoo.com/speeding-driver-27-hits-raf-124454821.html

Roy.

Saturday Fun

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, England, Europe, News, Old Age Pensioner, Teens, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 16/05/2015 by floroy1942

1

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Paddy’s, 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat … and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him back into the boat and safety. Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother. ‘Grandma,’ he asked, “Tis me 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk ‘cross the lake like me farder, his farder, and his farder before him?” Granny looked deeply into Paddy’s, troubled brown eyes and said, “Because ye farder, ye grandfarder and ye great-grandfarder were all born in January, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!”

2

Somewhere in Ireland a teacher asks her class: “Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood’s girlfriend? ” Young Paddy raises his hand and says “Trudy Glenn Miss”. “No Paddy ,” says the teacher.  “The answer is Maid Marion “. “But Miss,” replied Paddy, “What about that song we used to sing, ‘Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn’.”

3

In case you haven’t heard, A few months ago three British Muslim girls left their home and travelled to Syria to join Islamic State. This last week it was reported that they escaped and want to come home. This message from their mother was the reason they changed their minds: “Girls, my darlings, please come home immediately. We’re losing £250.00 a week in Child Benefit and Uncle Aziz hasn’t had a shag for a fortnight.”

scale

The following is an actual question given on a  University  of Arizona  chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

  1.    If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

  2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Anabella during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. ….leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Anabella kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

4

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. “Do you enjoy it?” The doctor asked. “Actually, yes, I do.” ”Does it hurt you?” he asked. “No.. I rather like it. ”Well, then,” the doctor continued, “there’s no reason that you shouldn’t? practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.” The woman was mystified. “What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?” “Of course,” the doctor replied. “Where do you think politicians and lawyers come from??!!!”

6

The teacher in Johnny’s school asked the class what their parents did for a living. One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny’s turn, he stood up and said, “My mom’s a whore.” Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s office. Fifteen minutes later, he returned. The teacher asked, “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?” Johnny replied, “Yes, ma’am.” “Well, what did the principal say?” “He said that ‘Every job is important in our economy,’ gave me an apple and asked for my phone number.”

7

A Cape Breton woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on an American game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night. Her husband an army vet sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced home and told his wife, “ Mary Your question is: ‘What are the three main parts of the male anatomy’, and the answer is ‘The head, heart and penis.’ The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgetting the answer. Her husband keeps reminding her, “The head, heart and penis.”Mary don’t forget it. Come the game show and she has forgotten again, and the presenter asks, “For $100,000, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds.” “Um… the head.” “Good. Eight seconds.” “Um… the heart.” “That’s right, five seconds.” “Oh… um… damn. My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning.” “That’s close enough! You’ve won $100,000!

I hope you enjoy your weekend. ‘Til next time.

Roy

Something to Brighten Your Day

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, England, Europe, European Union, Modern World, News, Old Age Pensioner, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on 06/04/2015 by floroy1942

adult diapers

During a lady’s medical examination, the British doctor says, “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.
“No! No! ………………. Just stick out your tongue!”

images

Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble….
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable.’
The operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable?’
The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde. The word is big.
She’ll read it very slowly… ‘com-for-da-bul.’

cartoons

Woman goes to the dentist to have a tooth out and says. “I would rather have a baby than have my tooth out.” The dentist replies, “Make your mind up before I adjust the chair.”

fcartoons

The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.
Little Gemma at the back of the class looked puzzled. After a little thought she put her hand up and asks the teacher:
“Are you sure about the stork, miss?
“I think you are getting your birds mixed up ‘cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag in Scarborough……..”

Funny cartoon

What is the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? – there’s one less drunk.

images

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.” Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.” St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, “Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?!” Arthur said, “Yeah, that’s me…” God commented: “Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can’t run without a road?!” Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, “Excuse me, but aren’t You the inventor of woman?” God said, “Ah, yes.” “Well,” said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some design flaws in your invention:

  1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;

    2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

    3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

    4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

    5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!”

“Hmmmm, you may have some good points there,” replied God, “hold on.” God went to His Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. “Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,” God said to Arthur, “but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than your’s.

23

Have you ever wondered why it’s OK to make jokes about Catholics, Mormons, the Pope, Jews, Christians, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, Red-Necks etc, but it’s insensitive to make jokes about Muslims?
We need to level the playing field for the sake of political correctness…..

Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:
1. If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor,
You may be a Muslim.

  1. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes,

    You may be a Muslim.

  2. If you have more wives than teeth,

    You may be a Muslim.

  3. If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean,

    You may be a Muslim.

  4. If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide.

    You may be a Muslim

  5. If you can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared jihad against,

    You may be a Muslim.

  6. If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing,

    You may be a Muslim.

  7. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs,

    You may be a Muslim.

  8. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four,

    You may be a Muslim.

  9. If you find this offensive and don’t forward it,

    You may be a Muslim.

too_much_internet

One day at lunch several guys were engaged in a little friendly bragging about their sexual prowess and the dimensions of their members.
First one, then the next would add his own exaggerations until the whole thing became quite ridiculous.
Then Bill said matter of factly “mine’s about four inches.”
There was stunned silence before one of the guys said, “Bill, you’re kidding right?”
“Not at all, four inches.” He said, with perfect sincerity. “You know, some women like it.”
We all sat in embarrassed silence until Bill continued, “Of course, others complain it’s just too wide.”

‘Til Next Time.

Roy.

A Senior Moment And Others

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, England, Europe, Insanity, News, Old Age Pensioner, Teens, UK with tags , , , , on 24/02/2015 by floroy1942

Something to brighten your day.

Promises Promises

Promises Promises

A Senior Moment.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! GET OUT OF THE CAR!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.

Moral of the story? If you’re going to have a senior moment…make it memorable!

Learning

I said to the wife, “Get me a newspaper.” “Don’t be silly,” she said. “Here, use my iPad.”

That damned spider never knew what hit it.

Copper

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says “I wonder how the girls are getting on”.

 50 Shades

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say “Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!”
Paddy says “What’s his name?”
Mick replies “Miles, from London !”

 

a_1322_20150214130708

 

A boy asks his granny, “Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?”

Granny replies, “Bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!”

Men's Entertainment

I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out that my new doctor is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional, I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out. I said, “My wife thinks that my willy tastes funny.”

‘Til next time.

Roy

A Poem That Some Of Us Can Relate To

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, Children, England, Equality, European Union, Modern World, Old Age Pensioner, UK with tags , , , , on 13/02/2015 by floroy1942

A very enlightening ditty that came my way that will remind many of the good old days.

I remember the cheese of my childhood,
And the bread that we cut with a knife,
When the children helped with the housework,
And the men went to work not the wife.

The cheese never needed a fridge,
And the bread was so crusty and hot
The children were seldom unhappy
And the wife was content with her lot.

I remember the milk from the bottle,
With the yummy cream on the top,
Our dinner came hot from the oven,
And not from the fridge in the shop.

The kids were a lot  more contented,
They didn’t need money for kicks,
Just a game with their mates in the road,
And sometimes the Saturday flicks.

I remember the shop on the corner,
Where a pen’orth of sweets was sold
Do you think I’m a bit too nostalgic?
Or is it…I’m just getting old?

I remember the ‘loo’ was the lav
And the bogey man came in the night,
It wasn’t the least bit funny
Going “out back” with no light.

The interesting items we perused
From the newspapers cut into squares,
And hung on a peg in the loo,
It took little to keep us amused.

The clothes were boiled in the copper
With plenty of rich foamy suds
But the ironing seemed never ending
As Mum pressed everyone’s ‘duds’.

I remember the slap on my backside,
And the taste of soap if I swore
Anorexia and diets weren’t heard of
And we hadn’t much choice what we wore.

Do you think  that bruised our ego?
Or our initiative was destroyed?
We ate what was put on the table
And I think life was better enjoyed.

My thanks to the donor and the anonymous writer.

Roy

Nonsense Too

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, Old Age Pensioner, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 25/01/2015 by floroy1942

Without humour you might as well be dead so here is my latest offering. I hope you enjoy it.

12 Italian Priests
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up…and all the other bells started to ring.

The Blind Cowboy

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it’s only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in Karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy…Do you still want to tell that blonde joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m going to have to explain it five times…”

Not A Difficult Joice

Not A Difficult Joice

Bob and the Blonde

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?” Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.” The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.” Bob placed a £20 note on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, The guy on the ledge Did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, But willingly handed her £20 note to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money.

Dogs

 World Phone Survey

Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
“Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a massive failure because of the following:
1. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
3. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
4. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
6. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
7. In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.
8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Getting Old In 2055

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW.

‘WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS FOR

1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN FOR A SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!’

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in

CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.

  You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. You may say ‘What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?’

Answer:

A FUNERAL PARLOUR.

(WHO SAID SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)

OOPS!

‘Til Next Time.

Roy.

The Alternative ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Posted in America, Britain, England, Europe, European Union, News, Old Age Pensioner, Senior Citizen, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 03/08/2014 by floroy1942

This book, now famous, has been read by millions of people but I nearly hurt myself laughing at this alternative version. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Fifty Shades of Grey
 by Pam Ayres

 


The missus bought a paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

 

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

 

 Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Ethel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!

 

Watching Ethel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

 

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!

 

Now if you knew our Ethel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.

 

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

 

Ethel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!!

 

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

 

First of all let me apologise to Pam Aryes for any slight she may feel has been committed here, and secondly my thanks to a friend who sent me this. Third, my thanks and appreciation to the unknown writer of this masterpiece of satire.

Roy.

Benefit Cheat Gets Off Lightly

Posted in Benefits, Britain, England, Health, Insanity, Justice, News, Old Age Pensioner, Theft, UK with tags , , , , on 06/06/2014 by floroy1942

Daily we hear of the British Justice System failing to do its job, which to my mind is to deter criminals from their lifestyle, but once again it has failed.

Janet Curtis - Benefit Cheat

Janet Curtis – Benefit Cheat

This time its about a 64 year-old woman called Janet Curtis from Clacton who cheated the benefit system out of £140,000. She claimed benefits from the district council and the Department for Work and Pensions, saying that rheumatoid arthritis meant that she could not walk more than three metres without extreme discomfort. According to her she was wheel-chair bound.

On top of that she claimed she was unable to function independently and required 24-hour care, so she received additional benefit because she needed a live-in carer and therefore needed an additional bedroom.
Curtis continued to falsely claim housing and council tax benefits for her former home in Martlesham Heath, Suffolk, for more than a decade after moving out and living with her partner in Clacton, the council said.

Doreen Savage, the council’s cabinet member for housing, said: “This was one of the most prolonged and serious cases of fraud which our investigators have ever had to deal with. Curtis’s web of deceit stretched back to the 1990s and only stopped when she was caught”.

Curtis Water-Skiing

Curtis Water-Skiing

She enjoyed lavish foreign holidays including one in Florida where she was filmed water-skiing. Water skiing ? Not bad for someone with crippling arthritis! When the video clip was discovered she was arrested for fraud and charged.

But this is where the justice system failed yet again. The judge reviewing the case in the Ipswich Crown Court found her guilty and promptly sentenced her to an 18-month prison sentence, suspended for two years, and a six-month curfew order. A suspended sentence? What a ridiculous farce, and I might add, what use is a curfew order? Is that so she cannot go on a water-skiing holiday for six months? I call this sentence pathetic.

What further annoys me is there is no mention of regaining the misbegotten gains she made defrauding the tax payer. Why does she not at least have to do community work for free as some form of recompense for the money she stole?  Her house should be taken from her and sold to help repay all that she cheated out of the system, but no, she gets off almost Scot free.

I fail to see how judgments such as this are likely to stop other people who wish to, or are doing the same thing. The country has people who barely have money for food, and old age pensioners who have to choose between heating and food to survive throughout the winter, and this woman gets away with cheating the system of £140,000 for more than ten years. There are people serving a prison sentence for not paying their TV licence and yet this evil woman gets away with it. It’s preposterous!

The only way this country is going stop this kind of crime is to hand out stiff sentences. I can only guess the judge took pity on her because of her age, but that is no excuse. Sad to say, the current legal system in the UK is far from a deterrent, in fact sentences are so light it encourages people to break the law for they have no fear of the consequences.

Let us hope that at some time in the future Justice will get back to what it should be.

Roy.

The Pensioner Parasites Of Britain

Posted in Benefits, Britain, England, Equality, Health, Human Rights, News, Old Age Pensioner, Spain, UK with tags , , , , on 17/11/2013 by floroy1942

There are times when I am ashamed of my fellow countrymen, and a report out this week has highlighted well-off pensioners who are raking in the money at the expense of their counterparts who are dying of cold every winter in the UK.

cartoonI refer to those pensioners who have enough money to spend the cold winter months in sunny Spain and the South of France, and still insist on claiming their UK heating allowance.

I am sure most, if not all, know that many old folks back home often have to choose between eating and staying warm, and every winter there are those poor souls who die from either the lack of proper nutrition or the cold. Sadly, these greedy individuals are not moved one iota by this fact, and continue to claim their allowance “because they are entitled to it”.

Winter On The Costa - Not An Overcoat To Be Seen

Winter On The Costa – Not An Overcoat To Be Seen

Many thousands spend most of the winter here on the Costa del Sol where the daytime temperature rarely drops below 14 degrees, unlike the UK, for there much of the winter it is almost always below five degrees and very often in the minus, especially at night. It is a sad fact that many UK old folks die alone in their homes in winter because they have not been able to keep warm.

The government did what it could to help by providing the Heating Allowance for pensioners, but unfortunately they did not add proper limits so that only the poor and needy were entitled. According to the government webpage on heating allowance you are entitled if:

  • you were born on or before 5 January 1952 (for winter 2013 to 2014 – this date changes every year)

  • you normally live in the UK throughout the week of 16 to 22 September 2013

You may still be able to get the payment if you live in another European Economic Area (EEA) country or Switzerland and you have a genuine link with the UK.

You usually get a Winter Fuel Payment automatically if you get the State Pension or another social security benefit (not Housing Benefit, Council Tax Reduction or Child Benefit).

The Benefit Of Heating Allowance

The Benefit Of Heating Allowance

I could claim this allowance because I live in a European country, am over sixty-five and have a genuine link to the UK, but I don’t because my conscience would not allow me too. Why is there a clause in the rules that allows people not living in the UK to receive such an allowance? This rule should be scrapped.

In my opinion, anyone spending the winter outside the UK, and certainly with an apartment or villa in Spain or the South of France, has no need of such payments. But unfortunately, people these days are greedy and think only of themselves and don’t give a hoot for anyone else.

Most people see it as a free handout from the government that they gladly accept and do not care that the really needy old folk die from cold. Perhaps these parasites should be given a guided tour of these poor people and see first hand their living conditions and feel for themselves the cold days and nights.

Cold, Hungry And Alone

Cold, Hungry And Alone

It is also a sad fact these days that many people do not think about taking proper care of the parents who gave them life, and leave them to die alone in the old family home. Some pensioners are lucky if their children visit briefly even once a year, others may get a visit once a month, but in most cases it is more important to have the family holiday in Mallorca  than to ensure the parents have a warm home to live in throughout the winter.

Winter Home On The Costa

Winter Home On The Costa

According to the report, a total of £21 million was handed out to pensioners who spend the winter in the warmer climes of Europe. Of this amount, £9 million went to pensioners basking in the sun in Spain, and another £5.1 million went to those living in France. Pensioners seeing through the winter as far away as Greece received in total £351,000 in heating payments.

According to the official figures, 119,587 pensioners living in the European Economic Area received payments in 2012-2013, a rise of 60 per cent on 2011-2012. These figures do not include those pensioners spending the winter in the UK. A drastic rise when you consider that in 2002 to 2003 only 8,090 people were paid this benefit. This coming winter may well see many more deaths among the old when you consider the major rises in energy prices passed on by the electricity and gas companies to the consumer.

If Attitudes Don't Change This Could Be You!

If Attitudes Don’t Change This Could Be You!

It is a terrible thing to sit in your own home and be unable to keep yourself warm in winter, and even more so to freeze to death. We are supposed to be a civilized people so how can we allow this to happen. Those who can afford to go abroad for the winter should have all payments stopped immediately. The millions that are saved would be enough to give all pensioners in the UK a warm house in which to see through winter without starving themselves to get it. That should be sufficient incentive for any government to change the rules.

Roy.

 

Aliens Are Real And Shop At Wal-Mart!

Posted in America, Immigrants, Insanity, Life in the Universe, Modern World, Obesity, Old Age Pensioner, UK, USA with tags , , , on 07/04/2013 by floroy1942

When someone tells me they believe in aliens I used to think they were mad, but after seeing the latest crop of photo’s of Wal-Mart customers I think I have changed my mind.

Mars Maybe?

Venus?
Venus?
Jupiter?
Jupiter?

It's Got To Be Uranus
It’s Got To Be Uranus!

 Neptune
Neptune
Mercury?
Mercury?
Titan
Must Be Titan Orbiting Saturn
Your Guess Is As Good As Mine!
Your Guess Is As Good As Mine!

Saturn?
Saturn?

Why do all the strange people shop at Wal-Mart? Is it something in the air or is that a regular meeting place for aliens living among us?

Roy

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