Archive for the Insanity Category

Acid!

Posted in America, Britain, Child Abuse, England, Insanity, Modern World, News, Police, Prison, Teens with tags , , , , on 08/05/2018 by floroy1942

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I think the world is going mad, for we have so many acid attacks in Britain and its not going to end. Teens have been throwing acid in the face of young women, but why? A law has been introduced to make the selling of acid to young people, but it is not having an effect for they get it at home. Why would teens and young people throw acid into the face of someone they hardly know? It has become normal for young people to do this, but why?

Young people have been scarred for life by these idiots who don’t care what the effects are. If they suffered the same they would regret it for the rest of their lives. Some people have horrible scars on their face caused by these attacks, and they will live with it for the rest of their lives.

Who in their right mind would do such a thing, scarring someone for forever. It just doesn’t make sense. These animals should be locked up for a very long time but the trouble is, the police can’t do much about it. They don’t know who has done this horrible thing, and to track them down is difficult.

Britain is going crazy and it has to stop. But how will it end? the police must make a move to stop these attacks and put the perpetrators away for a long time for it will only get worse. I wonder how this got started and who started it. Young women are disfigured for life but what makes the attackers do this. Do they have something against them to make them do this or is it just a prank to disfigure someone for life.

Some can recover, but not all, especially if they are attacked in the face. If they are, some will go blind for the acid gets into the their eyes. It is a scandalous form of torture that many will live with for the rest of their lives. Disfigurement on the face will have a heartbreaking effect on the victims.

Some can have plastic surgery to remove the disfigurement but not all. They will have to live the rest of their lives with a face that is burned and horribly disfigured, and for what? The acid burns the skin and many do not have water nearby to wash away this horrible contamination.

I wish I knew what made youngsters do this, for it is a horrible way to attack someone. Every day we hear of people being attacked with acid and the police should be doing something about it. Stop and search of young teens should be introduced to find those that are holding acid in their clothes, and they should arrest them immediately. It is the only way to stop this barbarism.

Roy.

Has The World Gone Crazy?

Posted in America, Britain, England, Environment, European Union, Insanity, Modern World, Nature, News, Politics with tags , , , , on 04/03/2018 by floroy1942

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I think it has, and do you know why? Because the winter weather has caused major disruption all across the world, for we have never seen a season like this in my lifetime. We have huge amounts of snow all across Britain, USA and the most of Europe and it isn’t over yet. Never in my life have I seen a winter like this. People have frozen to death in the cold, and in Britain drivers have been trapped in their cars for as long as eighteen hours. This is unheard of. After the snow and ice is gone we will see major flooding across the United States and Britain, and many other countries. We have seen major rain and flooding in Far Eastern countries and it does not stop.

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In summer the whole world is getting hotter, and even the north and south pole are disintegrating. Its all to do with the climate change, but some people  will just not believe it. We are filling our atmosphere with gasses from cars and factories, and this is causing the heat to remain around the Earth instead of dissipating into space.

pexels-photo-297927There are well over a million cars and trucks on our roads and most of them are diesel, which is polluting the atmosphere that we breathe. On top of this we have factories that are issuing poisonous gasses into the atmosphere, especially in places like China and India. Some governments, like the Germans are planning to stop diesel cars from entering city centres, but this will not cure the problem.

There is a plan to introduce electric cars onto the roads, but that is sometime into the future, and we will see how the power generators will find enough power to provide us all. I don’t think they will, for we will be short of energy until new power stations are built.

When summer comes we will see the hottest season with temperatures creeping up to the upper thirties. In some parts of the world the temperatures will reach over forty degrees. How will people survive in these temperatures? Already the farmland in Central Africa is so dry that people cannot grow crops anymore, and that is why we have so many refugees who are starving to death.

It is in times like these that all countries should turn to the United Nations for answers, but they do not seem able to help. All they do is talk, but do nothing. The United Nations should be a powerful body of people who are responsible for peace on Earth, and to solve the many problems, but they are incapable of doing this.

The one thing that gets me is that they do not have a majority vote in the U.N. Each time Russia blocks something that everybody else has voted for and this is no good. It should be a majority vote in the U.N. so that all sides have a say in what to do next. In Syria the battles between the rebels and and Syrian forces are continuing, and it will not stop despite the resolution passed by the U.N.

                     The New UN Logo

In my view the U.N. should have stepped in against the terrorists that have caused trouble all across the globe. For it is shameful they did not. Not since the Korean War in 1956 have they done a thing to stop trouble in the world.

It is shameful that the U.N. does nothing to stop the fighting in the world. In Africa they have stopped some terrorists from fighting each other, but the U.N. Army has been accused of raping African women in these countries and nothing has been done to stop them.

It seems to me that the U.N. is a waste of time, for they do nothing to stop the fighting around the world, and all they do is talk. It is getting to be a sad world, and we are heading for destruction of the planet.

Roy.

How On Earth Could This Happen?

Posted in America, Britain, England, European Union, Insanity, Modern World, News, Oceans, Pacific, USA with tags , , , on 21/08/2017 by floroy1942

Nations search for 10 missing after US destroyer collision

                                                USS John S. McCain

How on earth could such a collision happen? It seems to me totally inconceivable that two ships could hit one another in this day and age. Twice now we have had American warships involved in a collision with other ships. First we had the USS Fitzgerald off Japan, and now another one, USS John S. McCain off Singapore.

The only thing I can think of is the crews must have been totally incompetent on both ships. They both have sophisticated radar and it should have been easy to avoid a collision. The captain’s of both ships have been held accountable, and so they should for it was sheer incompetence for them to have a collision.

Image: The Arleigh Burke-class Guided-Missile Destroyer USS Fitzgerald, Damaged by Colliding with a Philippine-flagged Merchant Vessel, is seen at the U.S. naval base in Yokosuka

                                                      USS Fitzgerald

They must have seen on radar that the tankers were heading on a collision course and the officer on the bridge should have taken avoiding action. It is inconceivable that in this day and age, with all the technology that the Navy has that they could have been involved in a collision at sea.

The collision cost the lives of sailors who were doing their job and this is a scandal. In my view, the captains of both ships should serve jail time, plus the people on the bridge at the time. To needlessly throw away the lives of sailors through sheer stupidity must be a criminal offence.

Roy.

The World In Crisis

Posted in America, Britain, China, Environment, Government, Insanity, News, North Korea, President, Russia with tags , , , , on 13/08/2017 by floroy1942

It has often been said in the past that mankind will end up destroying itself. A bold statement if ever there was one. But with the current crisis with North Korea anything is possible. Kim Jong-Un has said he will fire missiles at the island of Guam in the coming three weeks or so, and if they are nuclear tipped the world will go to war.

President Trump’s statement that he will attack North Korea if that happens could be the prelude to a world nuclear war, for China has already said that if America unleashes nuclear weapons at North Korea they will retaliate. Who knows which side Russia will back if that happens.

Map: Guam in relation to North Korea

Guam has been an American military base since 1898 when they captured it from the Spanish during the Spanish-American war. Since then it has been the only base for Americans in the Far East. Guam is very important for the Americans and has become known as the ‘Tip of the Spear’ for the American armed forces in the Far East.  The remote 210-square mile US territory, about 4,000 miles west of Hawaii in the western Pacific Ocean, is a vital US military outpost and host to strategic bombers and at least 6,000 US service members. It is just 2,200 miles southeast of North Korea and is vulnerable to North Korea attack.

It is rumoured that the North Korea is developing missiles to reach the mainland of America and they are close to achieving this. If this happens we could see all-out war between America and North Korea. This could possibly mean that China jumps on the ‘band-wagon’ against America.

Many American politicians are of the opinion that this will never happen, but with someone like Kim Jong-Un it is dangerous to ignore this. He has total control over his country and has a huge army that could invade South Korea. If this happens we could possibly see Trump unleash nuclear weapons on the north.

There can be little doubt that if this happens, radioactivity will spread around the world and we may well see the end of mankind on this planet.

Roy.

Hillary Clinton Tantrum On Losing The Presidential Election

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, European Union, Insanity, Modern World, News, Politics, President with tags , , , on 18/02/2017 by floroy1942

I received a piece about Hillary Clinton through my e-mail and wondered if its true. Sounds to me like it could be but who knows. You can make up your own minds.

Hillary Clinton’s post election celebration plans included hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of fireworks, live performances by various celebrities, such as Cher, who came believing that Hillary was going to win the  election, a five-hundred-thousand-dollar special effect glass ceiling that she  would break through in a dramatic display once she walked out on stage at her H.Q., among millions of dollars worth of other celebratory preparations, all paid for by the Clinton Foundation in full.
The most notable damage was located deep in the VIP room of the Clinton camp. A custom  150 inch ultra HD TV, a gift from the Saudi Arabian government, was found with a broken screen. The damage was caused by a $950,000 bottle of champagne that was believed to have been thrown at the screen by the former presidential candidate some time during the election. Even hubby Bill is reportedly terrified of her screaming tantrums.
Early in the morning, the custodial staff were greeted by flipped-over tables as the floors were covered with expensive food, drinks, and appetizers. Broken champagne flutes and gilded silverware were also seen scattered around the would-be party room.
The  most telling sign of a massive meltdown was the cake. The pastry that  had once proudly displayed the presidential seal, was violently flung against the walls in chunks. A broken topper from the cake in the  shape of the white house was discovered lodged firmly into the drywall near the dessert table.
Clinton’s splurge on party supplies was merely an echo of all the left-leaning polls and hype that “confirmed” Hillary Clinton’s indubitable win. Misled by just about every prediction, Hillary Clinton personally planned one big party for her assumed victory. Once it became clear that it would not be Clinton ‘s night, however, the mood of the party soured rapidly.
A former staffer, who was fired during the rampage, said that the atmosphere around Clinton went from “queen of the hour” to “the girl who was dumped on prom night” in only a few moments.
Hillary Clinton reportedly became “physically violent” towards her own campaign staff after she realized she had lost the presidential election, according to radio host Todd Kincannon. “CNN reporter tells me Hillary became physically violent towards Robby Mook and John Podesta around midnight; had to be briefly restrained,” tweeted Kincannon.
It was Podesta who was sent out to talk to Hillary’s dejected supporters shortly before Hillary called Donald Trump to concede, with Clinton nowhere to be seen until the following day.
When asked about rumors that Hillary was drunk on election night, Kincannon responded, “She was. I posted about that too. She was in a “psychotic drunken rage” according to my reporter friend. Doctor added sedatives to the mix.”
Kincannon then claimed that CNN blocked the reporter from publishing what would have been a bombshell story.  “The CNN reporter didn’t fail to report it. His editors will not let him. CNN  has banned all “Hillary in the bunker” stories,” he  tweeted.
Secret  Service officials and other staff who  worked closely alongside Hillary have previously reported her problems with angry tantrums on numerous occasions. Last year it was also reported that Clinton ’s own campaign staffers feared she could have a serious meltdown and that Hillary had  “been having screaming, child-like tantrums that have left staff members in tears and unable to work.” In addition to claims that she became irate, author Ed Klein said a source told him Hillary cried  inconsolably to a friend after the results came in, blaming FBI director Comey and President Barack Obama for not doing enough to stop the FBI investigation into her email scandal.

This could be a load of bunkum of course, but I thought it worthy of passing on. At least you can have a good laugh. I bet Donald Trump would laugh at this if he ever saw it.

Roy.

Just Joking!

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, European Union, Insanity, News, President, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 29/11/2016 by floroy1942

1

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

2

A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, “How dare you belch before this woman!” The drunk says, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know she wanted to go first.

3

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while. Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, “Hurry, hurry! It’s going to rain and we left the top down!”

4

Mr. Brown was working in his garden when on the other side of the fence, he heard his neighbour crying. Mr. Brown popped his head over the fence and asked, “What’s the matter Mary? What has upset you?” The blonde neighbour replied, “My dog has died and I’m going to bury it here.” Mr. Brown said, “You only have one dog, so why have you dug three holes?” She answered, “The first two were too small.”

5

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, “Why are you home so early?” He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” She said, “Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?” Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?'”

6

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.” “Gee, that’s tough,” he replied. “Then in September,” the friend continued, “my father died, leaving me $90,000.” “Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.” “Then last month, my aunt died and left me $15,000.” “Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.” “Then this month,” continued the friend, “absolutely nothing!”

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?

7

A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too.” The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.” “$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man. “Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests.”

8

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.” The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.” Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.” As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”

9

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!” The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal.” The trucker replies, “Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick.”

Hope you enjoyed it. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

The Pokomon Frenzy

Posted in America, Britain, England, European Union, Insanity, Mobile Phone, Modern World, News, Police, Teens with tags , , , , on 09/10/2016 by floroy1942
Playing While Driving - You could Kill Someone

Playing While Driving – You Could Kill Someone

I couldn’t believe what I read the other day about a Pokomon player waltzing into a stranger’s house. When questioned by the Police he said he was playing Pokomon and searching for monsters. This is not an isolated case for it has happened before.

There have been nineteen such incidents in Norfolk England alone in the past few weeks. The Police have registered assaults, driving offences, noise nuisance and thefts in July and August alone.

What is it with these fanatics who think they can do as they please just because they are playing a game on their mobile? Have our youth lost all sense of reason over a stupid game?

The Police have arrested people driving erratically while playing the game and it makes me wonder how long it will be before someone gets killed.

Roy.

Would You Call Your Child Pilot Inspektor?

Posted in America, Britain, Child Abuse, Children, Europe, Insanity, Modern World, News, Parenting with tags , , , , on 30/08/2016 by floroy1942

It seems we are heading into the realms of dumb, sheer stupidity when it comes to naming our children these days. I just read an article where some of the most ridiculous names ever invented have been given to celebrity children. Who are these people trying to kid?

Jason Lee With Pilot Inspektor

Jason Lee With Pilot Inspektor

There are better ways of getting your name in the papers than giving your children such idiotic names. Some of them may sound cute when the child is still a baby, but what happens when they get to schools age, of even worse, when they are adults. I would be utterly ashamed to have to tell, for example, the tax man or a prospective boss that my name is Pilot Inspektor. Have people totally lost it these days?

Here are some of the other names that celebrities have given their children:

Blue Ivy Carter (Beyonce and Jay Z)

 Little River Rocket joins siblings Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom, Poppy Honey and Buddy Bear

Little River Rocket joins siblings Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom, Poppy Honey and Buddy Bear

River Rocket (Jamie and Jools Oliver)

North and Saint West (Kim and Kanye West)

Jagger Snow (Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross)

Rocket Zot (Sam Worthington and Lara Bingle Worthington)

Sparrow James Midnight (Nicole Richie and Joel Madden)

Apollo Bowie Flynn (Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)

Maple Sylvie (Jason Bateman)

Apple (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)

Sailor Gene (Liv Tyler and Dave Gardner)

Cricket and Birdie - Two Sisters

Cricket and Birdie – One of Two Sisters

Cricket and Birdie (Busy Philipps and Marc Silverstein)

Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson (Uma Thurman and Arpad Busson)

Reign Disick (Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick)

Banjo Patrick Taylor (Rachel Griffiths)

Briar Rose (Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen)

Bingham ‘Bing’ Hawn Bellamy (Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy)

Buzz Michelangelo Fletcher

Buzz Michelangelo Fletcher

Buzz Michelangelo Fletcher (Tom Fletcher and Giovanna Fletcher)

Titan Jewell (Kelly Rowland and Timothy Witherspoon)

Bodhi Ransom (Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green)

Blue Ivy Carter (Beyonce and Jay Z)

I can just imagine some of these poor kids introducing themselves to their new friends, “Hi my name is Rocket Zot Worthington but you can call me Rocket!”, an utterance that would be swiftly followed by howls of laughter.

I have no idea how this stupid craze started, but I am sure the kids will regret it when they get older. They have my sympathy.

Roy.

 

 

A New Russian Threat To Ukraine?

Posted in America, Britain, Europe, Insanity, News, Nuclear Weapons, Politics, Relationships, Russia with tags , , , , on 12/08/2016 by floroy1942
S-400 Missiles

S-400 Missiles

Once again the threat level in Ukraine has been raised by Russia moving  more S-400 Triumph missiles into the Crimea. Ever since Russia annexed Crimea from Ukraine in 2014, and sowed the seeds of revolution in eastern Ukraine, the problems have been slowly escalating. Will it lead to war, no-one knows.

Bit by bit both the Americans and the Russians have been sending in troops and war equipment along the eastern border. A few months ago NATO and the Americans moved battalions of troops into Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland to ‘bolster defences’.

This was answered by Russia who now have 40,000 troops stationed along the Crimea/Ukraine border, and to my mind, it would take a only a spark to ignite a war. There can be little doubt that both sides need to tread very carefully so as to avoid a major confrontation.

Yevhen Panov Shown In Custody

Yevhen Panov Shown In Custody

Recently Russia accused Kiev of sending saboteurs across the border into the Crimea, and reported the deaths of a soldier and a secret police officer in an operation to foil the alleged plot. The Russians are holding a man, Yevhen Panov,  who they claim is a saboteur working for the Ukraine government, this of course Ukraine has denied.

Ukrainian Tanks

Ukrainian Tanks

Kiev has placed all their troops on high alert along its de facto border with Crimea, and along its front line with Russian-backed rebels holding parts of Donetsk and Luhansk in the east after the claim. They have also moved a great number of tanks close to the border with Crimea.

Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev said Moscow might be forced to cut diplomatic ties with Ukraine if the crisis worsened.

It is situations like this, where lies and deceit are rife, that ends up starting wars. As the situation escalates in Ukraine and Crimea we could be heading for a whole load of trouble. I for one hope that the politicians get their heads together and solve this before it does escalate into war.

Roy.

This Crazy World!

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, Canada, Europe, Insanity, Modern World, News, Russia, UK with tags , , , , on 18/06/2016 by floroy1942

People today come up with some really weird ideas, and it makes me wonder where they get them from. Glancing through the internet news pages I came across a piece that said you should always wear red underwear.

Wear Red

Wear Red

This amused me so I looked further, and some woman called Anjel O’Bryant, a leading Australian colour-response analyst said, “Colour is an untapped source of energy and it can work in your favour.” She said that, “Our bodies and minds are able to respond to colour through our base chakra, which is at the bottom of the spine. Picking the right colours, particularly when it comes to your underwear, can enhance and even change your life,” She also recommends wearing deep blue if you’ve got an important job interview. “It’s a very calming colour, it says I’m very professional,” So from now on make sure all your undies are red, or blue if you are attending a job interview, and this goes for men as well. To be honest I really don’t know where these people come from, for the stories they tell are getting more ridiculous day by day.

Escaped Robot

Escaped Robot

Another funny story was of a robot that escaped from a Russian lab and took a stroll around the city of Perm. Apparently it was being taught to move around independently and decided to take advantage of an open door and took a stroll around the city centre. As you can imagine, it stopped traffic as everyone wondered what the hell was going on, but eventually it ran out of battery power and stopped in the middle of the road. The police stood guard until people from the lab came and collected it.

You really couldn’t make things like this up could you.

Roy.

Muslims Infiltrating The BBC?

Posted in America, Britain, Christianity, England, Immigrants, Insanity, Muslim, News, Political Correctness, Religion with tags , , , , on 17/05/2016 by floroy1942

1It seems incredible, but the Muslim influence is starting to spread to our TV screens because they now want less Christian worship and the addition of Muslim worship programmes on ‘the box’.

A report by  Aaqil Ahmed, the BBC’s head of religion and ethics, states that the BBC’s output is too Christian and has suggested Muslim, Hindu and Sikh faiths should get more airtime.

Aaqil Ahmed

Aaqil Ahmed

Mr Ahmed said in a statement: “Christianity remains the cornerstone of our output, and there are more hours dedicated to it than there are to other faiths. Our output in this area is not static, though, it has evolved over the years and we regularly assess it. We do look at the number of hours we produce, and measure that against the religious make-up of society.”

The number of Muslims has risen drastically in the last ten years to more than three million. It has been suggested by Ibrahim Mogra, of the Muslim Council of Britain, that the BBC should give TV coverage of the Friday prayers from a mosque and give more coverage to the Eid.

Songs Of Praise - A Christian Programme

Songs Of Praise – A Christian Programme

A BBC spokesman said which programmes would be stopped to allow more Muslim content is not yet known but, “We … are actually intending to do more programming around Christianity and more on other faiths as well, so there is absolutely no question of an ‘either or’ on our output.”

What are we going to see next on our TV’s, Muslim game shows or news broadcasts. The mind boggles, and anyone who thinks that the Muslims will  not try to take over the country in time is a complete fool!

Roy.

A Cure For Monday Blues

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, England, Europe, European Union, Germany, Insanity, News, UK with tags , , , , on 01/02/2016 by floroy1942

1

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, “I’m hanging myself because I’m tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!” Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, “I thought you were hanging yourself.” She said, “Yes, I am!” The husband replied, “Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?” She said, “I tried that, but I couldn’t breathe.”

2

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?”

3

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.” So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?” “Blind man!” The nuns look at each other and one nun says, “He’s blind, so he can’t see. What could it hurt?” They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

4

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”

5

A husband and wife are in church. The preacher notices that the husband has fallen asleep and says to the wife, “Wake your husband up!” The wife answers, “You’re the one who made him fall asleep, you wake him up!”

7

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”

7

A boss said to his secretary, “I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast. I’ll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I’ll be done.” She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, “Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won’t even have enough time to undress himself.” She agrees. After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, “So what happened?” She responds, “The bastard used coins, so I’m still picking it up and he is still having sex with me!”

8

So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: “You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They’ll rob you blind. Don’t you go paying them what they ask. You haggle.” At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, “That’ll be twenty dollars, lads.” “Oh no you don’t! My dad warned me about you. You’ll only be getting fifteen dollars from me,” says one of the men. “And you’ll only be getting fifteen from me too,” adds the other.

9

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?” “Ten,” the doctor says sadly. “Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!” “Nine…”

Have a great week. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

 

 

 

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