Archive for the Germany Category

Britain Today

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, Germany, Modern World, News, UK with tags , , , , on 12/05/2017 by floroy1942

Britain is not what it used to be and the evidence is below:

Daftland

We live in a country called Daftland
The England we knew is no more
Where sensible people do ludicrous things
Or risk breaking some Daftland law.

In Daftland we’ve police dogs with muzzles
Less the villain has cause to complain
And to steal from a shop and say ‘sorry’
Means you’re free with no stain to your name.

You had better leave lights on in buildings
When you lock up and go home at night
’cause the burglars might hurt themselves entering
And there’s no way you’ll be in the right.

When speaking be wary in Daftland
As some terms that you’ve used all your life
Now have connotations unintended
And you’ll end up in all sorts of strife.

We elect politicians in Daftland
To give us the laws of the land
Yet eight laws in ten now come from abroad
The whole thing has got out of hand.

The borders are open in Daftland
And of migrants there’s no keeping track
Just a few of the thousands illegally here
Will ever be caught and sent back.

The exception to this is the hero
Who fought for this land in the war
He’s old and he’s sick, he might cost us a bit
So he’s not welcome here any more.

When the history is written of Daftland
Historians may just recall
That the craziest people in Daftland
Were the public who put up with it all.

I received this by email and thought it worthy of sharing because it really hit the ‘nail on the head’.

Roy.

Time For A Laugh

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, Europe, Germany, News, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 06/05/2017 by floroy1942

A Kiwi emigrated to Oz and opened up a petrol station. To increase its sales he put up a sign saying, ‘Free Sex with Fill-Up.’ Soon a local, Bill, pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The Kiwi told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Bill then guessed 8, and the Kiwi said, ‘You were close’ the number was 7.  Sorry, no sex this time. A week later, Bill and his mate Bluey pulled in for a fill-up at the same station. Again Bill asked for his free sex. Again he got the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Bill guessed 2 this time. Again the Kiwi said, ‘Sorry, it was 4 ‘You were close’ but no free sex this time.’ As they were driving away, Bill said to his mate Bluey, ‘I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.’  Bluey replied, ‘No it ain’t Bill, it ain’t rigged – my missus won twice last week.

A very cute Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating shrimp. Every time he ate one, he deliberately spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to dodge or deflect it. He finished the box of shrimp and threw it out the window.  Seeing this, she’d had enough of his rudeness, lack of manners, and his total disdain of women. She got up and pulled the train’s Emergency Cord. The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid female, worthless Infidel, Catholic Bitch.” She smiled and said to him, “When I cry rape and they smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years in prison, you towel-headed Goat Shagger! 

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Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…..’ His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ‘What are you doing?’ The little boy answered, ‘I’m doing my math homework, Mum.’ ‘And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?’ the mother asked ‘Yes,’ he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, ‘What are you teaching my son in math?’ The teacher replied, ‘Right now, we are learning addition.’ The mother asked, ‘And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?’ After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, ‘What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.’

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You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers!

You carefully pace yourself to time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax  simultaneously. C. You don’t miss the Golf on Sky sports!

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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me…. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor’s office. He inquisitively ask the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?” She replied, “I’m having a baby.” With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?” She said, “He sure is.” Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?” She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.” With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked… “Then why did you eat him?”

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A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive.
So the host asked, “What are your three wishes?” The man replied, “Give me the shotgun and bullets and show me the idiot that pushed me in ….”

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Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them. He says, to the first Priest,” I’m Jesus Christ.” The Priest replies,” No son, you’re not!” So he says to the second,”I’m Jesus Christ.” He says,”No, son, you’re not.” The drunk says,” Look I can prove it.” He takes the two Priests into the bar. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says,” JESUS CHRIST YOU’RE HERE AGAIN!!!”

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A rich man and a poor man were sitting at a bar having a few drinks and they got chatting. after a while they realise both of there wedding anniversaries are the next day. Poor man, “What did you get your wife for her wedding anniversary?” Rich man, “I got her a pink ferrari and a diamond ring.” Poor man, “What made you choose those gifts?” Rich man, “She loves fast cars and I wasnt sure about the ring so if she doesnt like it, she can take it back in her new car… ” The poor, “Man nodds in agreement.” Rich man, “What did you get your wife?” Poor man, “I got my wife a pair of cheap slippers and a dildo.” Rich man, “Why did you choose those gifts?” Poor man, ” Well if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go f**ck herself.”

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Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, “Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?” His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.” “Gee Dad that’s great,” said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!” “What do you mean?” said Dad. “Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, “Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming” If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”

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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my privates inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.” The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his privates unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone 100 dollars who’s willing to give it a try.” A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up. “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

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Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in appropriate parts and said to his dad, “I wish I could do that.” Jimmy’s dad looked down at Jimmy and said, “Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!!”

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A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in. After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, “Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn’t like me to stay out during late night.” The first guy replies, “I’ll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning.” The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. Seeing her he screamed, “What the hell are you doing in here?!” “Quiet!”, she exclaimed. “You’ll wake my mother.”

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A blonde and brunette are having tea when suddenly the phone rings. The blonde picks it up and immediately starts crying. Her brunette friend asks her, “Why are you crying dear?” Blonde says, “Because my mom just called and said that my father just died. “I’m so sorry,” says the brunette. The blonde finally stops crying, when the phone rings again. She picks it up and starts crying again. The brunette asks again whats wrong, to which the blonde replies, “My brother just called and said that his father died too.”

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I hope you had a laugh. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

 

 

Paris Hit Once Again

Posted in America, Britain, European Union, Germany, Immigrants, Islamic Revolution, News, Police, Religion, Terrorists with tags , , , , on 21/04/2017 by floroy1942

Paris Attack

Paris has once again been hit by a terrorist outrage, but who will be next? It seems to me that the government and the police in many countries are not doing their job properly. It was said on the news that the perpetrator was known to the police, and this is not the first time, but they did nothing about it, and now a person is dead and three others wounded.

It seems to me that the police, who knew this person was a radical, should have stepped in and done something once they found out what he was. Why does someone have to die before the police take action against these people? It is no good saying that the law does not allow this, for if necessary they need to be changed. New laws should be passed to cover this situation.

If the authorities know that someone has been radicalized they should either deport him or put him in prison where he can do no harm. Some will argue that everyone has a right to an opinion, but that should not include terrorist radicalism. These people are dangerous and often take the lives of innocent people and if it is to stop, then the police and authorities have to be much tougher with them.

Across Europe, and I include Britain in this, there are known immigrants who have been radicalized by Islāmic State and have been persuaded to carry out atrocities. It has been proven on many accounts, but the authorities do nothing to stop this until an act of terror is inflicted on the people.

All countries in Europe have to be much tougher on these people otherwise, all hell will break loose. The police and the authorities know of many immigrants who have allied with Islāmic State or been radicalized by them, and once this is known they should step in and remove the threat.

You cannot wait until an atrocity has been carried out before you act, otherwise Europe will become a battleground.

With the huge influx of Islāmic State fighters who have infiltrated Europe as refugees we can without a doubt expect many more such attacks, and in my view the governments must get on top of this. Otherwise there will be many more atrocities in cities across Europe. The only way to stamp out this threat is for governments to come down hard on these people.

The writing was on the wall when you saw pictures of migrants from Iraq and other places over the last eighteen months. You only have to see the photographs taken of the migrants entering Europe to notice that two-thirds of them were unaccompanied men between eighteen and twenty-five. How many of them were from Islāmic State? It is known that there are several thousand Islāmic State terrorists in Europe, and they are busy persuading ethnic European migrants to commit atrocities. This has been proven by the attacks that have taken place over the last eighteen months.

Once ISIL has been defeated in Iraq many more will come here and the terror will spread. They are losing on the battlefield in Iraq so for them it is common sense to move to Europe where immigrants are welcomed with open arms. When that happens we will see many more attacks on innocent people. Lets hope that the governments of Europe have the guts to nip this in the bud!

Roy.

Merkel Is Again Trying To Offload Immigrants

Posted in America, Benefits, Britain, Elections, European Union, Germany, Immigrants, Muslim, News, Politics with tags , , , , on 28/01/2017 by floroy1942

imagesOnce again Angela Merkel is trying to offload over a million ‘refugees’ that have flooded into Germany in the last eighteen months. The one thing you have to say about her is she never stops trying. Thankfully most countries in the Union are refusing to accept her plan for the distribution of these migrants to all European countries.

Most have followed the major increase in rapes and women molestation that have happened since these people arrived in Germany. Many have built barriers and closed their borders to these people for they do not want the same problems in their own country. The reason for this is that Muslims consider any non-Muslim woman to be ‘fair game’, and have no qualms about raping and molesting women who do not belong to their faith. It is also evident that the number of attacks by ISIL across Europe have increased significantly since she allowed this huge influx of Muslims. There is no doubt that several thousand terrorists have entered the continent among the refugees.

Merkel has over the past year realized the big mistake she made by opening the borders of Germany to ‘refugees’ from Syria, which are only about a quarter of the numbers that have entered, for most are economic refugees coming to live off the state on benefits.

It would seem that the majority of Germans still think she is the right person to lead Germany despite this huge gaff. Members of Merkel’s Christian Democratic Union in Grimmen in the far northeast of Germany voted for her as party leader with a 96% majority. She said the issue would be raised at an EU summit in Malta on Friday, but downplayed hopes for a breakthrough. “We have to insist that everybody shows a bit of solidarity when it comes to the distribution of migrants.” Merkel said.

In other words all the countries of Europe must come together to solve this problem that she alone has caused. I rather think that plea will fall on deaf ears with the majority of member nations. No-one wants to accept these people who live off the state and bring with them a crime wave. Not only that, but they will eventually be taking over towns and areas of cities as in Britain once they get organized.

Without a doubt Merkel has opened a major ‘can of worms’ here in Europe and currently there is no solution to the problem. It is said that she could once again be elected as Chancellor of Germany at the next election. It just goes to show you how dumb some people can be.

Roy.

This Will Cheer You Up

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, Canada, England, European Union, Germany, News, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 19/01/2017 by floroy1942

1

In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Answer: Throw in your washing….We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said. “I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits.” I said, “Sorry mate. Did he drown?” “No.” he said, “He choked on a sock.”

2

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser who responded “Rome?  Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty.  You’re crazy to go to Rome.  So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking Continental,” was the reply.  “We got a great rate!” “Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser.  “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late.  So, where are you staying in Rome?” “We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.” “Don’t go any further.  I know that place.  Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.” “We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.” “That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser.  “You and a million other people trying to see him.  He’ll look the size of an ant.  Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.  You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.  “It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked so they bumped us up to first class.  The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great!  They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.  They too were overbooked so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!” “Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”  “Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me.  Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand!  I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.” “Oh, really!  What’d he say?”  He said: “Who in hell cut your hair?”

3

Dear Friends:
I have the distinguished honor of being a member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton.  We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces. We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame.  We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed.  It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Barack Hussein Obama, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference. We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all.  He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was.  He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else’s money.

Thank you, 
Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee

P.S.   The Committee has raised $2.16 so far…. ($2.00 of which was from the Clinton Foundation)

4

A woman went into a pet store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the assistant she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn’t want to spend a fortune. “Well,” said the clerk, “I have a very large bullfrog. They say it’s been trained to give blow jobs!” “Blow jobs!” the woman exclaimed. “It hasn’t been proven but we’ve sold 30 of them this month,” he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it’s true? No more blow jobs for her, so she bought the frog. When she explained froggy’s ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off!… The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night however, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books. “What are you two doing at this hour?” she asked.
Her husband replied, “If I can teach this frog to cook, you’re history.”

6

At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom’s mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. The pastor asked the woman, “Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?” The woman replied, “We can’t hear in the back.”

5

A Muslim couple, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah for counseling. He asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, “We realise it’s a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we’d like your permission to dance together.” “Absolutely not,” says the Mullah. “It’s immoral. Men and women always dance separately.” “So, after the ceremony, I can’t even dance with my own wife?” says the man. “No,” answered the Mullah, “It’s forbidden in Islam.” “Well, okay,” says the man, “What about sex? Can we finally have sex?” “Of course!” replies the Mullah, “Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!” “What about different positions?” asks the man. “No problem,” says the Mullah. “Woman on top?” “Sure,” says the Mullah. “Go for it!” “On the kitchen table?” “Yes, yes!” “Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porn video?” “You may indeed!” “Can we do it standing up?” “Absolutely not!” says the Mullah.” “Why not?” asks the man. “It could lead to dancing!”

British humour as it used to be:  absolutely politically incorrect.
It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloureds from running.
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Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
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Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements
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Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who’s English.. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.
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Years ago it was suggested that, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works great!
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Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque…
They’ve told the public not to panic as they’ve managed to push it inside.
====================
During last night’s high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said “We didn’t even know they were living up there”.
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Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.
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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, “What’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”
====================
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.  It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, “I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah.” To which the call centre employee replied, “Remain calm and stay on the line”.

I hope you enjoyed a laugh! ‘Til next time.

Roy.

Happy New Year

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, Canada, European Union, Germany, News, UK, USA on 01/01/2017 by floroy1942

I wish everyone a happy new year!

Roy

Anis Amri

Posted in America, Britain, England, European Union, Germany, Government, Immigrants, Islamic State, News, Terrorism with tags , , , , on 22/12/2016 by floroy1942
Anis Amri - Terrorist

Anis Amri – Terrorist

I find it incredible that the German authorities refused Anis Amri asylum over a year ago and still let him stay in the country. He was under surveillance for a long period, and yet he was still able to commit the atrocity of ramming civilians with a truck at a Christmas market, killing twelve people and injuring forty-eight more. The original driver of the truck, Lukasz Urban from Poland, was found stabbed and shot in the cab of the lorry.

The one question on many people’s minds must be, why was Amri not deported when his application failed.

There are many more cases like this all across Europe, and it seems to me that these people should be deported immediately when their asylum application fails. It would appear from reports that he could not be deported because he did not have valid identity papers, but surely that could have been solved by the immigration department much quicker.

It is said that he used a total of six aliases and three nationalities during his time in Germany so this would point to the fact that he was up to no good.

There can be little doubt that the responsibility for this entire disaster rests firmly with the authorities. If they had handled the situation correctly this would never have happened.

Angela Merkel is finding out now what a big mistake she made by opening the doors to Germany to so-called refugees, for the attacks on civilians have increased steadily since that happened, and they will continue to do so.

It is time for the European governments to take a tougher line in immigrants and vet them properly to identify those who do not come from Syria.

Looking at the photos from the last year of refugees it is plain to see that the great majority are young men without families, and that should have been a warning to the authorities. Letting in those with families would not have caused so many problems, but to allow hundreds of thousands of young single males to enter was asking for trouble. This has been made evident by the huge increase in rapes and assaults on women in Germany over the past year.

There can be little doubt that Merkel made the same mistake Britain’s Tony Blair did so many years ago. Our country is a travesty compared to what it was before he came to power, and we have no choice but to live with it. The same goes for Germany.

To try and stem the terrorist attacks and the rape of women, the German authorities need to round up all those who do not have families with them and send them back where they came from. This is the only way the country will be safe again.

Roy.

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