Archive for the Canada Category

Ignorance Is Bliss

Posted in America, Britain, Canada, Conservation, Environment, Europe, Forests, Health, Modern World, News with tags , , , , on 02/07/2017 by floroy1942
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Atmospheric Pollution In Cities

I wonder why today’s generation think that our weather patterns are normal? We have areas of the world today where temperatures are rising so fast that it is becoming unbearable. We have floods that have never been so destructive in the past, and droughts are common across many countries of the world.

In Africa for example, people are dying in their thousands because it is so hot and they have no food anymore. We have tremendous floods across the world where people see their houses washed away and many people die. In places like the United States and Portugal the air is so dry that forest fires spring up and reduce them to ashes. The one thing to remember is that we rely on trees among other things, like the sea,  to provide us with oxygen. Even the oceans are contaminated.

Whatever you might say, this is not normal, for fifty/sixty years ago these things never happened on such a huge scale. The world is destroying itself and there is no-one to blame but us humans.

Most of the weather changes have been caused by atmospheric contamination and we have our cars and factories to blame. If we continue like this I can see the end of mankind on this planet, for it will get so bad that the planet will be unlivable.

The sad thing is no-one is doing much to combat this threat to humanity. We have had climate conference after climate conference but nothing is changing, even though governments promise to do something about it.

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To begin with, measures must be taken to get rid of diesel engines for they are the worst polluters. Second, we need to reduce the number of vehicles on our roads drastically. It is unbelievable that many families have three or even four cars per household. This has to be reduced.

All factories must be made to curb contamination by making sure that they do not pump dangerous chemicals into the air. This will take many years to accomplish but it must be done if mankind is to survive on the Earth.

At the climate conferences all countries say they will abide by the rules that are drawn up, but they seldom do. Life goes on as it always has and the pollution is getting steadily worse. Day by day we see cities covered in smog, and in China for example, people go around wearing masks so the pollution does not get into their lungs. As time goes on this will spread to many other cities across the world.

It is time for governments across the world to make some hard decisions about climate change, for it will steadily get worse as time goes by. It is easy to say “it will be alright in the end”, but it will not. As the pollution of our atmosphere gets worse and worse people will have a very short lifespan, and that is inevitable.

The British Parliament – There For The People!

Posted in America, Britain, Canada, England, European Union, Government, Modern World, News, Parliament, Politics with tags , , , on 24/05/2017 by floroy1942

Just goes to show you how Parliament works:

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Some things are important, others are not!

Roy.

Britain Today

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, Germany, Modern World, News, UK with tags , , , , on 12/05/2017 by floroy1942

Britain is not what it used to be and the evidence is below:

Daftland

We live in a country called Daftland
The England we knew is no more
Where sensible people do ludicrous things
Or risk breaking some Daftland law.

In Daftland we’ve police dogs with muzzles
Less the villain has cause to complain
And to steal from a shop and say ‘sorry’
Means you’re free with no stain to your name.

You had better leave lights on in buildings
When you lock up and go home at night
’cause the burglars might hurt themselves entering
And there’s no way you’ll be in the right.

When speaking be wary in Daftland
As some terms that you’ve used all your life
Now have connotations unintended
And you’ll end up in all sorts of strife.

We elect politicians in Daftland
To give us the laws of the land
Yet eight laws in ten now come from abroad
The whole thing has got out of hand.

The borders are open in Daftland
And of migrants there’s no keeping track
Just a few of the thousands illegally here
Will ever be caught and sent back.

The exception to this is the hero
Who fought for this land in the war
He’s old and he’s sick, he might cost us a bit
So he’s not welcome here any more.

When the history is written of Daftland
Historians may just recall
That the craziest people in Daftland
Were the public who put up with it all.

I received this by email and thought it worthy of sharing because it really hit the ‘nail on the head’.

Roy.

Time For A Laugh

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, Europe, Germany, News, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 06/05/2017 by floroy1942

A Kiwi emigrated to Oz and opened up a petrol station. To increase its sales he put up a sign saying, ‘Free Sex with Fill-Up.’ Soon a local, Bill, pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The Kiwi told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Bill then guessed 8, and the Kiwi said, ‘You were close’ the number was 7.  Sorry, no sex this time. A week later, Bill and his mate Bluey pulled in for a fill-up at the same station. Again Bill asked for his free sex. Again he got the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Bill guessed 2 this time. Again the Kiwi said, ‘Sorry, it was 4 ‘You were close’ but no free sex this time.’ As they were driving away, Bill said to his mate Bluey, ‘I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.’  Bluey replied, ‘No it ain’t Bill, it ain’t rigged – my missus won twice last week.

A very cute Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating shrimp. Every time he ate one, he deliberately spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to dodge or deflect it. He finished the box of shrimp and threw it out the window.  Seeing this, she’d had enough of his rudeness, lack of manners, and his total disdain of women. She got up and pulled the train’s Emergency Cord. The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid female, worthless Infidel, Catholic Bitch.” She smiled and said to him, “When I cry rape and they smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years in prison, you towel-headed Goat Shagger! 

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Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…..’ His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ‘What are you doing?’ The little boy answered, ‘I’m doing my math homework, Mum.’ ‘And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?’ the mother asked ‘Yes,’ he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, ‘What are you teaching my son in math?’ The teacher replied, ‘Right now, we are learning addition.’ The mother asked, ‘And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?’ After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, ‘What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.’

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You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers!

You carefully pace yourself to time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax  simultaneously. C. You don’t miss the Golf on Sky sports!

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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me…. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor’s office. He inquisitively ask the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?” She replied, “I’m having a baby.” With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?” She said, “He sure is.” Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?” She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.” With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked… “Then why did you eat him?”

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A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive.
So the host asked, “What are your three wishes?” The man replied, “Give me the shotgun and bullets and show me the idiot that pushed me in ….”

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Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them. He says, to the first Priest,” I’m Jesus Christ.” The Priest replies,” No son, you’re not!” So he says to the second,”I’m Jesus Christ.” He says,”No, son, you’re not.” The drunk says,” Look I can prove it.” He takes the two Priests into the bar. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says,” JESUS CHRIST YOU’RE HERE AGAIN!!!”

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A rich man and a poor man were sitting at a bar having a few drinks and they got chatting. after a while they realise both of there wedding anniversaries are the next day. Poor man, “What did you get your wife for her wedding anniversary?” Rich man, “I got her a pink ferrari and a diamond ring.” Poor man, “What made you choose those gifts?” Rich man, “She loves fast cars and I wasnt sure about the ring so if she doesnt like it, she can take it back in her new car… ” The poor, “Man nodds in agreement.” Rich man, “What did you get your wife?” Poor man, “I got my wife a pair of cheap slippers and a dildo.” Rich man, “Why did you choose those gifts?” Poor man, ” Well if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go f**ck herself.”

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Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, “Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?” His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.” “Gee Dad that’s great,” said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!” “What do you mean?” said Dad. “Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, “Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming” If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”

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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my privates inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.” The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his privates unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone 100 dollars who’s willing to give it a try.” A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up. “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

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Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in appropriate parts and said to his dad, “I wish I could do that.” Jimmy’s dad looked down at Jimmy and said, “Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!!”

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A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in. After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, “Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn’t like me to stay out during late night.” The first guy replies, “I’ll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning.” The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. Seeing her he screamed, “What the hell are you doing in here?!” “Quiet!”, she exclaimed. “You’ll wake my mother.”

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A blonde and brunette are having tea when suddenly the phone rings. The blonde picks it up and immediately starts crying. Her brunette friend asks her, “Why are you crying dear?” Blonde says, “Because my mom just called and said that my father just died. “I’m so sorry,” says the brunette. The blonde finally stops crying, when the phone rings again. She picks it up and starts crying again. The brunette asks again whats wrong, to which the blonde replies, “My brother just called and said that his father died too.”

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I hope you had a laugh. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

 

 

Have A Laugh

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, Europe, News, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 07/04/2017 by floroy1942

What a good shave will do for you!

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his haircut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, ‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your muffin..’ She says, ‘Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.’

A US Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Hendersonville, NC. He tells the priest, Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag burning, cop-hating, Muslim Jihadist.” The priest says, “My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. ‘I asked them, ‘ If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’ ‘NO!’ the children answered. ‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’ Again, the answer was ‘NO!’ ‘If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’  Again, they all answered ‘NO!’ I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, ‘Then how can I get into heaven?’ A little boy shouted out: ‘YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN’ DEAD.’

StarTrek

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Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the lights out of this bloke at a party.  In my defence… when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

What’s the difference between a refugee and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learnt English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own bike and wanted to go home!

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?’
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. ‘I can’t dear,’ she said. ‘I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.’ A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: ‘The big sissy.’

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The doctor took the husband in first. The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated. He checked his blood pressure and other things then said he was going to check with the wife. He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly. She did as instructed. He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction. Then he said – “Ok, good – you can get dressed now, and I will talk to your husband”. The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, “Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn’t get an erection either”

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I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he’s only got one arm bless him. I shouted. Where you off to Charlie? He said, I’m off to change a light bulb. Well, I just cracked up, couldn’t stop laughing. I said. That’s going to be a bit awkward init? Not really, He said. I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.

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A son asked his mother the following  question:  ‘ Mom, why  are wedding dresses white? ‘ The mother looks at her son and replies:  ‘ Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.’  The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.  ‘ Dad why are wedding dresses white?  The father  looks at his son in surprise and says: ‘Son, all household appliances come in white.’

I hope you enjoyed this little offering. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

Not All American’s Are Dumb

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, Government, News, USA with tags , , , , on 14/03/2017 by floroy1942

I got a call from a Kansas Congressman’s staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ”I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts ..”
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ”Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa ..”  His response — click..

A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!”

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I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, ”Is it possible to see England from Canada?”
I said, ”No.”
She said, ”But they look so close on the map”

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An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

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A New York lawmaker, called and asked, ”Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?” I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’ He replied, ”Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!”
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..

A New Jersey Congressman called to make reservations, ”I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .”
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ”Are you sure that’s the name of the town?”
‘Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ”I’m sorry, sir, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a rhino anywhere.”
”The man retorted, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!”
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ”You don’t mean Buffalo , do you?”
The reply? ”Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

A Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ”Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!”

 

A Senator called and said, ”I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?”
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane.
She said, ”Yeah, whatever, smarty!”

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, ”How do I know which plane to get on?”
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ”I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”

A Senator John Kerry aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ”Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas … When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ”I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.”

People can be so funny at times. I hope you enjoyed this.

Roy.

 

 

Things Are Hotting Up!

Posted in America, Britain, Canada, England, European Union, Islamic State, News, Politics, Russia, United Nations with tags , , , , on 12/03/2017 by floroy1942

Its looks to me like things are getting nastier in this world as we now have a new war of words between Turkey and the Netherlands. The country banned entry to a Turkish diplomat who wished to address the large Turkish community in the country.

Mevlüt Çavuşoğlu Refused Entry To Holland

This has led to great anger in the Turkish government and also among the Turkish residents in The Netherlands. This is yet another spat between countries that can be added to those already around the world.

There can be no doubt that we are in desperate times, what with the number of problems this world is facing at this time. It makes you wonder how all this will end.

Disagreement Over Syria.

There are major disagreements about how to handle the ISIS problems in Iraq, and the constant threat of terrorists attacks in Europe. Disagreements between Russia and the USA over how to handle the Syrian crisis are still there, and no major efforts have been made to solve this problem.

President Trump has sparked anger with his ban on immigrants from Muslim Countries, plus the removal today of the President of South Korea Park Geun-hye. North Korea is continuing with its nuclear and missile tests which is also raising concern among many nations.

Demonstration

In many countries across the world there is civil unrest aimed at governments and government decisions on various subjects, so it makes you wonder what the future holds. There has never been such turmoil among nations since the Second World War. It makes me wonder where the world is headed, for we face the possibility of major conflicts breaking out in the near future.

The United Nations is keeping very quiet on all these subjects, and the world has not heard a word from them when they should be doing all they can to solve these problems. After all, that is why the UN was formed, to be an open forum for nations to discuss and solve political crisis in the world.

It is certainly time for the UN to step forward and start negotiations with all these countries to try and solve their differences, but unfortunately the UN is a shadow of its former self and has become almost useless.

António Guterres – Maybe He Can Make A Difference

What has it done about the problems in Iraq with ISIS – nothing! In my view it should have got together an International Force and gone to that country and wiped out these people, the same with Nigeria and the many other countries these people infest. It should also have taken positive steps to stop the nuclear threat from North Korea and gone into Ukraine to stop the troubles there. I am sorry to say that the UN has forgotten what its mandate is, i.e. world peace!

Vetoes In The UN.

Agreement can only be reached via the United Nations where countries come together and talk. Talks should be constructive, and each country must be willing to negotiate and surrender to the will of the majority. The veto held by Russia, the United States, China, France and Great Britain must be scrapped so that we can make decisions based on a majority. It does no good when all the countries approve of a decision but it can be scrapped by a single country.  Most times the veto is used because that country is looking out for its own interests.

The general public in the West hear of all this trouble on the news daily, but do not seem interested enough to protest that governments do something about it. Their main concern is that none of this interrupts their own lives. It is a sad indication of our times that people only think of themselves.

The World’s Problems On The News – Forgotten Within Five Minutes

For example, they watch the TV news and hear of the twenty million starving people in Africa, but five minutes later they have forgotten all about it as they concentrate on their own lives. We in the West are so lucky that we do not have to face such problems, but please, spare a thought for those poor people!

A Starving Child

Western governments should be doing all they can to solve crisis such as this by sending money and food to these places and ensuring a fair distribution of it. Unfortunately, with the amount of corruption in the world today, much of this assistance would not reach those in desperate need. If God were to come down and remove all the corrupt people in the world with a wave of his hand most of humanity would disappear.

There can be little doubt that the world is heading for a tumultuous period in its history yet again, and we can only hope that someone takes action to solve all this crisis.

Roy.

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