Laugh Page

Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer.  One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man, you really look tired.” His buddy says, “Dude, I’m exhausted.  My girlfriend wants sex all the time, three, four, even six times a night, every night.  She wakes me up at all hours.  I just don’t know what to do.” A fellow about 65, sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says… “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that nonsense.” 

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LAWYER STORY
Two attorneys are stranded on a tropical island for several years. One day one attorney saw a woman out in the ocean floating in their direction.” the other lawyer was wary and said: ” You’re hallucinating, You’ve finally lost your mind.” But within a few minutes, up on the beach floated a stunningly beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as earrings on!
The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing. One said to the other, “You know, we’ve been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It’s been such a long, long time. So, do you think we should, well… You know… Screw her?’   “Out of WHAT?” asked the other lawyer  !!

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ROMANTIC TEXT MESSAGE An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty years’ service, was a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbucks to meet a friend for coffee.  While awaiting her friend’s arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her husband a romantic text message: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.  If you are laughing, send me your smile.  If you are eating, send me a bite.  If you are drinking, send me a sip.  If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” The husband responded:  “I’m takin’ a shit.  Please advise.”

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Why we wish children would stay so innocent!
1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. ‘How do you know that the cat was dead?’ she asked her pupil. ‘Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,’ answered the child innocently. ‘You did WHAT?’ the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
‘You know,’ explained the boy, ‘I leaned over and went ‘Pssst’ and it didn’t move’

 It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, ‘That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?’ The little girl replied, directly into the minister’s clip-on microphone, ‘Yes, and my Mum says it’s a bitch to iron.’

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’
The boy thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!”

I hope you enjoyed it.

Roy.

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