Have A Laugh!

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“I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power a few short months ago …  At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Donald Trump took his Oath of Office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Soldiers, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the President. It was then that I realized how far America’s military had deteriorated. Every one of them missed the bastard …

Car Keys

They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolenThen I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.” 

There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your car!”

The commanding officer at the Russian Military Academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S. ) gave a lecture on ‘Potential Problems and Military Strategy’. At the end of the lecture, he asked are there questions? An officer stood up and asked, “Will there be a third world war? And will Russia take part in it?”
The general answered both questions in the affirmative.
Another officer asked, “Who will be the enemy?”
The general replied, “All indications point to China”.
Everyone in the audience was shocked A third officer remarked, “General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese (an odds of 10 to 1). Can we win at all, or even survive?”
The general answered, “Just think about it  this for a moment: In modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters but the quality of an army’s capabilities. For example, in the Middle East there have been  a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs (an odds of 30 to 1), and Israel were always victorious.”
After a small pause, yet another officer from the back of the auditorium asked:  “Does Russia have enough Jews ?

Photos -                                                          Funny Pictures                                                          October 18,                                                          2016:

 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower. She said, ‘Mummy, you are getting fat!’
I replied, ‘Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
tummy.’ ‘I know,’ she replied, but what’s growing in your bum?’

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The seven dwarfs always left to go to work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived. ‘Hello…Hello !’ she shouted. ‘Can anyone hear me? Hello !’ For a long while, there was no answer.  Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, ‘Hello!  Is anyone down there?’
Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine,  “VOTE FOR CORBYN Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, ‘Oh, thank you, God!….At least Dopey is still alive !’

Most people today think it’s improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of ‘those moments.’ Since I’m a pilot, one method that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a short flight during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior. I don’t know whether it’s the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and  stop misbehaving after our flight together. I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results. I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique. Should work with grandkids too!

How the British have passively succumbed to the Muslim invasion:
When you leave the hen house gate open, don’t cry after the fox has taken the chickens….
Mayor of London … MUSLIM
Mayor of Birmingham … MUSLIM
Mayor of Leeds … MUSLIM
Mayor of Blackburn … MUSLIM
Mayor of Sheffield … MUSLIM
Mayor of Oxford … MUSLIM
Mayor of Luton … MUSLIM
Mayor of Oldham … MUSLIM
Mayor of Rochdale … MUSLIM
Over 3,000 Muslim Mosques
Over 130 Muslim Sharia Courts
Over 50 Muslim Sharia Councils
Muslims-Only No-Go Areas Across The UK
Muslim Women … 78% don’t work and are on FREE benefits/housing
Muslim Men … 63% don’t work and are on FREE benefits/housing
Muslim Families … 6-8 children planning to go on FREE benefits/housing
… and now all UK schools are ONLY serving HALAL MEAT!
All this achieved by just 4 million Muslims out of the 66 million population!

 This is a very nice souvenir photograph of 24 newly wedded couples in Enfield:

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Just hope, for their sakes that each husband goes home with the right table cloth..

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Think old                                                          & you'll                                                          be old, think                                                          young and                                                          you'll be a                                                          delusional old                                                          fart!:

 A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.’
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, ‘I’m Jane Sugarbrown.’
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, ‘Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?’ She replied, ‘I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.’

  A son asked his mother the following  question:  ‘ Mom, why  are wedding dresses white? ‘ The mother looks at her son and replies: ‘ Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.’  The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.  ‘ Dad why are wedding dresses white?  ‘ The father  looks at his son in surprise and says: ‘Son, all household appliances come in white.’ The husband is still in intensive care and the prognosis is not good!!!

I hope you enjoyed it. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

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