Time For A Bit Of Fun

1

American: “I’m proud of our CIA. They know whatever is happening in the world, often before it happens.”
Italian: “I’m proud of our women. They’re the most beautiful and proud and not easy to be had.”
Turk: “I’m proud of our carpets…true works of art. No one can make carpets of such high quality.”
Then they all looked at the silent Indian, waiting for his response. They asked: “What are you proud of?”
Indian: “I’m proud of myself!”
They all asked: “Why?”
Indian: “Last week I screwed an Italian woman on a Turkish carpet…and the CIA knew nothing about it!”

2

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach…As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother’s, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, ‘The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.’
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, ‘The bigger they are, the dumber the man is’ Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother: ‘Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.’

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’ The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’ The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

4

A man is traveling through the desert when he comes upon an Indian lying on the ground stark naked with a hard-on sticking straight up in the air. He asks the Indian what he is doing, to which the Indian replies, “I telling time.” The man tells the Indian that he does not believe it, so the Indian tells him that it is 1:00. The man looks at his watch and is amazed to find that it is exactly 1:00. He travels a bit longer until he comes upon another naked Indian lying on the ground with a hard-on sticking straight up. He asks this Indian what he is doing and he too replies that he is telling time. He tells the Indian to prove it and the Indian tells him that it is 2:00. The man looks at his watch and once again is amazed that the time is correct. He continues his trek through the desert until he comes across an Indian lying naked in the sand, masturbating. He asks this Indian, “And what the hell are you doing?” The Indian replied, “I winding my watch!”

5

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers , Florida . She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “How are you today?” “Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book. “I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked. “First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,” he replied and turned back to his book. “I’m sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely,” she countered. “Do you live around here?” she asked. “Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ,” he answered, and again he resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, “Do you like pussy cats?” With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit, and gave her the most wild and passionate sex she had ever had in all her life! When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, “How did you know that was what I wanted?” The man replied, “Answer me first! How did you know my name was Katz?”

6

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. “The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me: I’m me. I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?” The Englishman lowered his newspaper and replied, “How very sporting of your mother.”

8

 

Today’s word is ………………  Fluctuations

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was very irritated … She asked the teller, “Why it  change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”
The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people too.”

Hope you enjoyed it. ‘Til next time.

Roy.

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