Laughter Is The Best Medicine

The UK Border Agency is asking citizens to keep on the lookout for a red 1951 Chevy that they suspect is being used to smuggle illegal immigrants from Calais to Dover through the Channel Tunnel. If you see the vehicle, pictured below, you are urged to contact your local police.

1

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot’, the man shouted, ‘that’s not what I said!’

2

FOX News reported today that Walt Disney’s new film called “Jet Black,” the African-American version of “Snow White”  has been cancelled.  All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive-By, Homeboy, and Sniper have refused to sing”Hi Ho” because they say it offends black prostitutes. They also say they damn sure have no intention of singing, “It’s off to work we go.”

3

A tourist walked into a Brighton curio/antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said, ‘How much is this bronze rat?’ The owner replied, ‘It’s £12 for the rat and £100 for the story.’ The tourist gave the owner his £12 and said, ‘I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story.’

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him. This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way. He increased his speed and ran on towards the beach and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS and they were running faster and faster.  By now very concerned, he ran down to the end of the pier and threw the bronze rat far out into the water.  Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said, ‘Ah, you’ve come back for the story then?’ ‘No,’ said the tourist, ‘I came back to see if you’ve got a bronze Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, a couple of immigrants, a Chelsea supporter and anything French!’

4 “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”   Rodney Dangerfield

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is a Mercedes-Benz 600SL.”   Lynn Lavner

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to play pool with a rope.” Camille Paglia

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.” George Burns

5

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, “Good legs.” The girl giggled and said, “Do you really think so.” I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.”

I hope you had a laugh. ‘Til next time.

Roy

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