Midweek Fun

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All men are seduced into believing they are marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years, the nympho leaves….

But the maniac stays.

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A blonde went into a worldwide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed, “I don’t have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!” The man arched an eyebrow. “Anything?” “Yes, anything!” the blonde promised.

With that, the man told her, “Follow me.” He walked into the next room and ordered, “Come in and close the door.” She did. He then said, “Get on your knees.” She did. Then he said, “Take down my zipper.” She did. He said, “Go ahead…take it out.” She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, “Well… go ahead!” The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly “HELLO…..MOM, can you hear me???”

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I accidentally took a women’s multi vitamin and I’ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.

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A’hhhhh . . . . . . . . . Remember those days?
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and James had a date with Annabella.  He arrived at her house and rang the bell.  ‘Oh, come on in!’ Annabella’s mother said as she welcomed James.  ‘Have a seat in the sitting room. Would you like something to drink?  Lemonade? Tea?’  ‘Tea, please,’ James said.

Mum brought in the tea. ‘So, what are you and Annabella planning to do tonight?’ she asked interestedly. ‘Oh, probably go to the flicks and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the coffee bar, perhaps have a walk on the beach afterwards.’  ‘Annabella likes to screw, you know,’ Mum informed him. ‘Really?’ James gasped, surprised to say the  least. ‘Oh yes,’ mother continued, ‘When  she goes out with her friends, that’s all they  do. ‘Is that so?’ asked James, incredulously. ‘ Oh yes,’ she said. As a matter of fact, she’d screw all night if we  let her!’ ‘Phew! Well, thanks for the tip!’ James said as he began thinking about alternative plans for the evening.

A moment later, Annabella came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted James. ‘Have fun, kids!’ mother said as they left. Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Annabella burst into the house, slamming the front door behind her. ‘The Twist, Mum!’ she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen.  ‘The bloody dance is called the Twist!’

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After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full.

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day apparently, ‘A meal for two with a terrible view’ isn’t the best way to announce number 69.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8….

humor

Two policemen call the station on the radio, “Hello, is that you, Sarge?”  “Yes!” replied the sergeant. “We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she’d just mopped clean.” The sergeant asked, “Have you arrested the woman?”  “No sir . . . the floor’s still wet.” came the reply.

‘Til Next Time.

Roy

 

2 Responses to “Midweek Fun”

  1. lol, lol

    Like

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