Friday Laugh

Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor.
Mick says, “Oi Paddy, what ya doing?”
Paddy says, “Well me and Mary haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.”

An Irishman sends his wife a text message while down at the pub.

A doctor in Dublin, feeling overworked wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”. “Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.”
“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor.
“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir” says Murphy.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the tird one?” asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: “HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!”
“Tunderin’ lard Jesus, Murphy, what did you do?” asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.”

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?” Maria: “Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first is that I iron better than you.” Wife: “Who said you iron better than me? Maria: “Jor huzban, he say so.” Wife: “Oh yeah?” Maria: “The second reason eez that I am better cook than you.” Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?” Maria: “Jor hozban deed.” Wife, increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?” Maria: “The third reason eez that I am better at sex dan you in da bed.” Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth: “And did my husband say that as well?” Maria: “No Senora….”The gardener deed.” Wife: “So, how much do you want?”

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favour of work. A Captain said it was 50%-50%. A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion? Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure. The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why? “Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”

A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge… so they stopped and parked their Harley’s. Their leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she  says. While he didn’t want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an
opportunity either, so he asked her…  “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?” So she does… And it was a long, deep, lingering, spine-tingling kiss.

After she’s finished, the biker leader says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That’s a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous.  Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…”

The authorities think she may have been pushed…

‘Til next Time.

Roy.