The Weekend Is Here!

Little

Joe And Paddy

Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re making love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

Funny-cartoon-and-now-relax

Age Has It!

An  elderly man in the Atherton Tablelands in Queensland  had owned a large farm for several years. He  had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped  for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic  tables, a barbecue and some apple and peach  trees. One evening the old farmer decided to  go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a  while, and look it over. He grabbed a twenty  litre bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he  neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and  laughing with glee.  As he came closer,  he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping  in his pond. He made the women aware of his  presence and they all went to the deep  end.
One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re  not coming out until you leave!’ The old man  frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you  ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond  naked.’ Holding the bucket up he  said, ‘I’m here to feed the  crocodile…’
Some old men can still think  fast.

Funny-Cartoon-43

Birthday Treat

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday. “I’d like to be eight again” she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
‘I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!’
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Funny-cartoons

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

funny-cartoon-pictures-29

God Loves Drunk People Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was that?” asked his wife. “Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s bloomin’ well pouring with rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know.”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?” “Yes,” comes back the answer. “Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark. “Where are you?” asks the husband. “Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.

‘Til Next Time.

Roy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: