A Senior Moment And Others

Something to brighten your day.

Promises Promises

Promises Promises

A Senior Moment.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! GET OUT OF THE CAR!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.

Moral of the story? If you’re going to have a senior moment…make it memorable!

Learning

I said to the wife, “Get me a newspaper.” “Don’t be silly,” she said. “Here, use my iPad.”

That damned spider never knew what hit it.

Copper

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says “I wonder how the girls are getting on”.

 50 Shades

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say “Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!”
Paddy says “What’s his name?”
Mick replies “Miles, from London !”

 

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A boy asks his granny, “Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?”

Granny replies, “Bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!”

Men's Entertainment

I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out that my new doctor is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional, I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out. I said, “My wife thinks that my willy tastes funny.”

‘Til next time.

Roy

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