A Lighter Moment

Take time out for a chuckle.

Whyatt-piranha-comic

Here’s a little story to cheer up all men!

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a Prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where there are beautiful nurses who are more gentle and accommodating.

As usual, he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination. “At this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection,” said the nurse.

“I haven’t got an erection,” said the man.

“No, but I have” replied the nurse.

Wyatt

I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”

Thinking back, I really should have run, but you don’t get offers like that every day.

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A Simple But Effective Security System

 TEL AVIV, Israel – The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It’s an armoured booth you step into, that will not X-ray you but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: “Attention to all standby passengers,  El Al is pleased to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London . Shalom!”

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Film

A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, “No! No! Don’t enter that church, you damn fool.”

His wife asks him, “What are you watching?”

Husband replies, “Our wedding video.”

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The Lost Keys

Several days ago, as I left a meeting, I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys.They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all. “Hello My Love”, I stammered; I always call him “My Love” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice. He barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your bloody car.”

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Robbery

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and raped his wife. A moment of silence passes, then the guy says, “I can’t believe they raped my wife after only five beers!”

Every-Morning

Famous Quotes:

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.  Rodney Dangerfield

 “There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.”  Lynn Lavner

 “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”   Camille Paglia

 “Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”  George Burns

 “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”  Sharon Stone

 “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”Tiger Woods

 “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”Jack Nicholson

 “Clinton  lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”  Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

whyatt

‘Til Next Time.

Roy.

2 Responses to “A Lighter Moment”

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