More Nonsense

Something to brighten your day:

Old Age Sex

Two Black Guys

Two black guys were in a bar talking, and one says to the other, “You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?”
The second black guy says, “Yeah, all the time.”
The First one asked, “Why is that?”
The second says, “I’m pretty sure it’s the pepper spray.”

NYPD officer beating an unarmed black person in broad daylight;

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Larry and Bob

Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Larry didn’t show up.

Bob didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Larry hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn’t know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and — lo and behold — there sat Larry! Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you?

Larry replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’ cried Bob. What in the world for?’

‘Well,’ Larry said, ‘you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?’

‘Yeah,’ said Bob, ‘I remember her. What about her?

‘Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ‘guilty’. ‘The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’.

The Mobile Phone Age

Proxy

One day there were three nuns standing outside the gates of heaven waiting to enter. St. Peter approached them and asked the first nun, “Do you know who the first man was on earth?”She said, “Ummm that’s tough …Adam?” Bells rang, Angels sang, the gates opened, and she walked in.

Then St. Peter went to the second nun and asked, “Do you know who the first woman was on earth?” She said, “Ummmm … Eve?” Bells rang, Angels sang, the gates opened, and she walked in.

St. Peter then asked the third and last nun, “What were the first words Eve said to Adam?” The third nun said, “Hmmmm, that’s a hard one.” Bells rang, Angels sang, the gates opened, and she walked right in.

Old Golfers

The Exam

On the last day of his French class, Professor Lint goes over the final exam. “The exam will test your comprehension. It’ll be divided into two parts: a multiple-choice exam, and an oral exam. Heather realizes that she needs to do well on the final exam, or she won’t graduate.

After class, she meets Professor Lint in his office. “Professor Lint,” she says in a sexy voice, “I don’t think I’m going to pass the class, and I was hoping you could help me out.” Pretty soon, Heather and the professor are having wild sex in his office.

Afterwards, Heather asks, “How’s my comprehension?”

“So far so good,” the professors says, “but you need to come back tomorrow at noon.”

“What’s tomorrow?” “Tomorrow,” Professor Lint says, “is the oral part of the exam.”

Gaga

Flight Emergency

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees. The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled “Mayday, Mayday!! The pilot had passed out. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, Mayday!!”

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!”. He began his series of questions.
Tower: “How do you know you are travelling at 18,000 feet??”
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me”. Tower: “Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are travelling at 180 mph??”
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me”.
Tower: Okay, that is good. How do you know you’re flying upside down??”
Aircraft: “Because the crap in my pants is sliding out of my collar.”

weight watcher

 

‘Til next time.

Roy.

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