Nonsense Time

Commenting on the news is all well and good, but now and then I like to bring you something light-hearted. So to cheer you up here are a few gems.

Girls Take Note

Girls Take Note

In the men’s room this morning I was standing next to a very fat fellow at a urinal when suddenly, for no discernible reason, he confided in me that he hadn’t seen his pecker in 15 years. Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else to say and wanting to be helpful, I said “Why don’t you diet?” Giving me a surprised stare, he said, “Dye it? For God’s sake, what colour is it now?”

Ah! The Good Old Days

Ah! The Good Old Days

Naked Cowboy
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks ‘Why in the world are you walking around like this?’
The cowboy says, ‘Well it’s like this Sheriff ……I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt… So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants…. So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts…so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, ‘Now go to town, cowboy.. ‘
‘And here I am.’
Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist!!!!

Good Idea!

Good Idea!

There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The guy said, “It’s simple. I just say that I’m a lawyer.” So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, “Oh! You’re a lawyer?” He said, “Why, yes I am!” So they went to his place.

When they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, “Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!”

The Big Letdown

The Big Let-down

Sounds Familiar.

God looked down upon Seniors and decided most seniors don’t get enough exercise. So, in his wisdom, God decreed that seniors would become forgetful that they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things misplaced and move around more. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was yet another need. So God in his wisdom made seniors lose coordination that they would drop things, which would require them to bend and reach and stretch.And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the functioning of senior bladders and decided that in His wisdom there might be calls of nature more frequently, requiring more walking to the relief station, which would burn calories. God looked down and saw that it was good.
Seniors were obliged to exercise more from these senior shortcomings and did become more active as a result. So if you find you are required to get up and down more as you age, remember it’s God’s will and in your best interest, even though you mutter under your breath. Amen!

Nuff  Said!

‘Nuff Said!

5097 married men were surveyed as to why they liked oral sex

  1% liked the warmth,

      2% liked the sensation,

     3% liked the eroticism,

             94% just liked the peace and quiet.

Mine's Bigger Than Yours

Mine’s Bigger Than Yours

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in. I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.”

When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Self Explanatory

Self Explanatory

‘Til next time. Have a great day.

Roy.

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