Go On! Have A Laugh!

If you cannot have the occasional laugh life ain’t worth living. I hope you enjoy this selection of recent jokes I received.

TimWhyat (1)

Mick & Paddy were walking home from the pub. Mick says to Paddy, “I can’t be bothered to walk al dat way.” “Me either,” says Paddy, “but we got no money for a cab, and we missed the last bus.” Mick suggests, “We could steal a bus from the Depot.”

They arrive at the Bus Depot and Mick tells Paddy to go get a bus while he keeps lookout. After shuffling around for ages Mick shouts, “Paddy what are you doin, have you found one yet?” Paddy shouts back, “I cant find a No 91.? “Oh bejeesus ye thick sod ~ take a No 14 and we’ll walk from the roundabout.”

Take Care - Its The Flu Season

Take Care – Its The Flu Season

 

When I was a kid… I thought earwigs were nasty bugs that crawled out of your ear, and then I was scared shitless when I heard about… cockroaches.

Tim Whyat (2)

 

A hooded armed robber bursts into the Bank of Italy and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the robber’s hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber’s face. The robber shoots the guy dead without hesitation!

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. He sees one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. “Dida anyone elsa seea my face?” calls the robber.

There follows a tense minute of silence. An elderly Italian gentleman, tentatively raises his hand and says, “I thinka my wife caught a glimpse.”

Boss to Blonde: “If I gave you $5 Million minus 10%, how much will you take off?”

Blonde: “Everything Sir … shoes, dress, bra, panties … absolutely flippin’ everything!”

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London, England, has been sacked, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.It seems a male caller dialled 999 from a mobile phone stating, “I am depressed and lying here on a railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally meet Allah.” “Remain calm and stay on the line,” was not considered to be an appropriate response.

Roy.

 

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