Archive for January, 2015

Weekend Nonsense

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, England, Europe, Insurgents, News, UK, USA with tags , , on 31/01/2015 by floroy1942

The internet is a great place for spreading  humour so I hope you will enjoy the following:

TimWhyat

The Lodger

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. When she asked if she could have a bath the lady of the house told her they didn’t have a bath, although if she wanted to she could use a tin wash tub in front of the fire. “Monday’s the best night because my husband goes out to darts,” she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn’t have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home.
He didn’t believe her, so she said: “Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I’ll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: “Do you shave?” “No,” replied the girl. “I’ve just never grown any pubic hair. I take it you have?”
“Oh, yes,” said the woman, and she pulled up her night dress and showed the girl that she possessed a generously endowed pelt . . . very generous indeed. The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, “Did you see it?” “Yes,” he said, “but why the hell did you have to show her yours?” “Why ever are you worried about that?” she said. “You’ve seen it often enough before.”
“I know,” he said, “but the dart team hadn’t.”

Facebook

 The Jewish Taxi Driver

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat. The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? – Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

 The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady  I vasn’t staring at you like vat you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.”

The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He paused a moment, then told her…”Vell, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,  ‘Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping da money to pay for dis ride?

Anger Management

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate’s been hit by a car.

Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he’s bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.’

 Operator: ‘What is your location sir?’

 Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .’

 Operator: ‘How do you spell that sir?’

 Silence…. (heavy breathing) and after a minute.

 Operator: ‘Are you there sir?’

 More heavy breathing and another minute later.

 Operator: ‘Sir, can you hear me?’

 This goes on for another few minutes until….

 Operator: ‘Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?’

 Paddy: ‘Yes, sorry bout dat… I couldn’t spell eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street ‘

image

A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.

She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives. …”Look,” he said. “My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they’ll ask for a 310 [small] a 320 or a 330 [large]. The word condom won’t even be used.

The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said “350”. The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.

“Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs” her boss told her. She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs. “Yes!” she said ” He’s got one hanging there!”

The boss said “Go back in and give him $3.50, he’s the window cleaner!”

Toilet Brush

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?” “Nonsense,” said the wife. “You’re so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.” The husband climbed out of bed and counted. “One, two, three, four. You’re right, you know.”

I hope this helped to you cheer you if you’re having a bad day, and even if you are not.

Roy.

Why Would I Distrust Muslims Baroness Warsi?

Posted in Afghanistan, Al Quada, America, Britain, Christianity, Europe, Immigrants, News, Nigeria, Terrorism with tags , , , , on 27/01/2015 by floroy1942
Baroness Warsi - A Misguided Woman

Baroness Warsi – A Misguided Woman

Baroness Warsi, a Muslim who quit her post in David  Cameron’s government last year, has claimed that the Muslim population in Britain are not trusted by the British population. She claims there is a government tendency to view them with suspicion, coupled with a lack of trust. She has strongly criticised a policy of ‘non-engagement’ with the 3 million strong Muslim community.

Ed Pickles

Ed Pickles

She complained about a letter sent by Communities Secretary Eric Pickles to all Muslim mosques across England earlier this month, urging Muslim leaders to do more to root out extremism and prevent young people becoming radicalized in the wake of the Paris terror attacks. Many Muslims claimed the letter was  “patronising and factually incorrect”, and gave the idea that Muslims and Islam are inherently apart from British society.

East London Mosque

East London Mosque

Baroness Warsi complained there had been almost six years of non-engagement, both by the previous Labour Government and now the coalition. She said, “The reaction to the Pickles letter underlines what I consistently argued for in government – that it was important for us to engage with a broad range of groups and individuals who purported to speak for the British Muslim community, while accepting that, inevitably, some didn’t do it very well. It’s no surprise there is a trust deficit, a questioning of motive to a letter sent with the best of intentions. For too many, the hand of friendship felt like an admonitory finger that was once again pointing at Britain’s Muslims.”

Now I wonder where she got that idea from? I just hope she can answer the following questions for me:

1. Who was it that bombed the World Trade Centre on 9th of November 2001?

2. Who was it that bombed Madrid on March 11th 2004?

3. Who was it that bombed London on June 7th 2005?

4. Who was it that murdered Lee Rigby on the streets of London on 22nd May 2013?

5. Who was it that beheaded several hostages and broadcast it world wide?

6. Who was it that murdered 17 people in Paris on 7th January 2015?

7. Who is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent Muslims over the last ten years?

8. Who is responsible for sending hundreds of innocent Muslim teenagers to Syria and Iraq to fight for the Islamic State terrorists?

If you can answer these questions Baroness, I will agree with you.

Given the questions I have put above is it any wonder there is distrust of Muslims in not only our country, but all across Europe and the United States?

Thankfully Not Typical

Thankfully Not Typical

Is it any wonder that the British people distrust Muslims in our country when so many refuse to integrate, learn the language, respect our traditions and culture, and become proper British citizens? Why are there so many imams in mosques who preach nothing but hatred for the people of their adopted country? Why do we not see good Muslims standing up and condemning the activities of these hate mongers?

Typical Muslim Demonstration

Typical Muslim Demonstration

Daily we see on our streets the Muslim mobs with placards proclaiming that ‘Islam Will Rule the World’ or ‘Death to the Infidel’! Would you trust or engage with such people? We have had Muslims hurling insults at the funerals of our soldiers who have fallen in Afghanistan fighting the Taliban and al Quada to give the Afghan people freedom.

Integrated Muslims

Integrated Muslims

I am well aware that many Muslims who live in Britain have to a certain extent become respected parts of the community, but how on earth can anyone trust those who come to our country as immigrants and refugees, and try to undermine the British way of life. There are those who wish to destroy everything that Britain stands for, and values that have stood the test of time for a more than a thousand years.

Message From Muslim Imams

Message From Muslim Imams

All across the world Muslim terrorist groups are killing people indiscriminately, like Boko Haram who ten days ago slaughtered 2,000 Nigerians just for the hell of it! In India, Pakistan Malaysia, Thailand and many other Far Eastern countries, Muslims are attacking and killing Christian people just because they are not Muslim. It will take an international effort to wipe out these terrorist groups one by one until there are none left. Then maybe the world can get back to living in peace.

It seems to me Baroness that you are asking the wrong people this question, you should be asking your own people why they do not wish to become a thoroughly integrated part of British society!

Roy.

How To Evade Responsibility

Posted in Britain, Child Discipline, Children, England, English Schools, Modern World, News, Parenting, Primary Education, Teens with tags , , , , on 26/01/2015 by floroy1942

I saw quite a revealing article in the news today that shows clearly how parents are evading responsibility for bringing up their children. In a survey of 1000 people by Waitrose, questions about respect and good manners among adults and children were put forward. Of those questioned a huge 72% said that good manners had declined in Britain today.

Wise Words

Wise Words

A total of 60% blamed the parents for this, but 70% thought that good manners should be taught in schools and requested it become part of the national curriculum.

Mark Price, Managing Director of Waitrose

Mark Price, Managing Director of Waitrose

Mark Price, managing director of Waitrose, said: “In school it used to be the teaching of the three Rs which was considered the mainstay of a good school education but as this survey shows, people would prefer the “four Rs” – reading, writing, arithmetic and respect. There’s clearly a mood for a renewed focus on teaching good manners but, rather than suggesting this has to be taken on by any particular group of people, perhaps the real answer is for all of us to take responsibility through the example we set every day?”

A spokeswoman for the National Union of Teachers said:  “Courteous and respectful behaviour in schools is essential but is as much ‘caught’ as ‘taught’ in the home as at school. The ethos of the school should encourage courteous behaviour in the playground and corridors as well as in the classroom.”

There are a surprising number of people in the U.K. today who do not even bother to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ which is disturbing, for the British were always known for their good manners in the past. In my day it was normal practice to give up your seat to the elderly on public transport, and thankfully there are still some who do this today.

But what I find so disturbing in this report is that so many people think good manners and respect should be taught in schools. This is totally wrong, for teaching these two essentials should come from the parents and be a natural process. To have special classes devoted to teaching good manners to children is too ludicrous for words.

The Way It Should Be

The Way It Should Be

If the parents themselves are kind, polite and well mannered the children learn it without problem, but sadly that is not true today. The fault lies with many of the current generation, for there are many extremely rude people around today.

About three years ago my wife and I were sitting in a local bar having a drink and at the next table were a family with a small child. The grandfather was playing with the child and it was screaming at a very high pitch that went through my head like a knife. I looked across at the child without saying anything and immediately the father started verbally attacking us with “What’s your effin’ problem” etc. Even when his wife joined in, again with a lot of foul language, my wife and I never said a word in reply, but he continued to insult and threaten us with violence. Finally my wife had had enough and called the police.

There was no reason for the outburst and no respect for anyone else in the bar, just a verbal attack using a lot of foul language that was extremely threatening and loud in nature. Sadly there are many such people in the U.K. these days and there are times when it makes me ashamed to be English.

Parents Who Don't Care?

Parents Who Don’t Care?

But the point of this little saga is, how can the children expect to learn respect and manners when their parents behave in such a way. These are without doubt the kind of people who will say loudly, “It’s the schools responsibility.” But they are wrong, very wrong! If you yourself behave like an animal you have to expect that your children will grow up in the same way.

An Empty Vessel

An Empty Vessel

Children are like an empty vessel when they are born, and their future personality is dependent on what you as a parent put into it as they grow. If you are a foul-mouthed thug then your sons will grow up to be just like you, but if you are a respectful and kind person they will grow up to be the same.

Good manners and respect for others is not something children learn in school, they learn from the way their parents go through life and what they are taught at home.

Instead of pushing yet another task onto our education system, modern parents should live up to their own responsibilities, for manners like many other things, must be taught from an early age.

Roy.

Muslim Appeasement – A Prime Example

Posted in America, Britain, England, Europe, Government, Immigrants, Muslim, News, Police, Religion with tags , , , on 25/01/2015 by floroy1942

There are continual complaints in Britain about everybody from the government to law enforcement appeasing Muslims who live among us. While it is necessary to respect the religion of Muslim immigrants up to a point, there are times when people go overboard and this is a prime example.

Standard Police Entry Tactics

Standard Police Entry Tactics

The following is a copy of an e-mail that is currently going the rounds, and while it is accurate in some details, it gives a somewhat distorted view of the way in which Police handle house searches of Muslim suspects.

The e-mail:

THESE ARE INSTRUCTIONS HANDED OUT TO ALL OFFICERS AT C.I.D COURSES AND ANTI-TERRORISTS COURSES IN THE BEDFORDSHIRE FORCE/SERVICE

UK’s Bedfordshire Police’s rules regarding terrorists and dangerous criminals:

If they’re non-Muslim
* Consider the most opportune time of day to be able to arrest suspects with minimum resistance
* Apply all necessary force to enter the premises and arrest suspects accordingly.

If they’re Muslim:
* Community leaders must be consulted before raids into Muslim houses.
* Officers must not search occupied bedrooms and bathrooms before dawn.
* Use of police dogs will be considered serious desecration of the premises.
* Cameras and camcorders should not be used in case of capturing women in inappropriate dress.
* If people are praying at home officers should stand aside and not disrupt the prayer. They should be allowed the opportunity to finish.
* Officers should take their shoes off before raiding a Muslim house.
* The reasons for pre-dawn raids on Muslim houses needs to be clear and transparent.
* Officers must not touch holy books or religious artefacts without permission.
* Muslim prisoners should be allowed to take additional clothing to the station.

I did some research into this affair and found a statement by the Bedfordshire Police that gave the true story. It shows that some points in the e-mail are accurate but there is much more to the story. These guidelines were issued by the National Home Office and Association of Chief Police Officers.

THIS IS THE RESPONSE HANDED OUT BY THE BEDFORDSHIRE POLICE:

This message claims to contain a list of instructions given to police in Bedfordshire in the UK regarding police entry to Muslim households. The list provides information about how police should conduct themselves in Muslim households so that their activities do not offend the household’s residents with regard to their religious beliefs and customs. The protest message decries what it considers to be a continued appeasement of Muslim citizens in the UK and asks recipients to pass on the information so that other British residents will be aware of the issue.

As detailed in the Bedfordshire Police statement quoted below, there are strong similarities between many of the points listed in the protest message and the actual set of guidelines provided to police. That said, however, the following information should be noted:

  • The advice given to police about entry to Muslim households consists of guidelines only, not concrete instructions or ironclad rules as suggested in the message. The information given to police makes it clear that the guidelines “should not impinge on, or supersede the objectives of the police action”.

  • The guidelines used by Bedfordshire Police are derived from National Home Office / Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) guidelines. Thus, the guidelines were not created specifically by the Bedfordshire Police.

  • The Bedfordshire Police statement notes “that the same considerations and respect for faith and diversity are always applied no matter what the belief of the household, Muslim or otherwise.”

In March 2010, the Bedfordshire Police published the following statement on its website in response to an enquiry about the protest email from a member of the public:

Dear Member of the Public,

REQUEST UNDER THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT Reference No F-2010-00207 With reference to your request for information received on 26th February 2010, I note you seek access to the following information:

The following is an item circulating on the internet which is self explanatory.

Will you please verify to the authenticity of it as true copy or otherwise, put out by the Bedfordshire Police for guidance of its officers.

I am required by the Freedom of Information Act 2000 (The Act) to handle all requests in a manner that is blind to the identity of the requestor. Any information released in response to a request is regarded as being published, and therefore in the public domain without caveat.

Police Raid A Muslim Home

Police Raid A Muslim Home

In response to your questions, I have today decided to release the information requested in full as I can see no harm to any individual, the community, the police service or other bodies. After considering whether releasing this information will affect the good order and functioning of community, government or other public service affairs, I believe it is in the public’s interest the information be released. The information lies within the arena of public safety and may provide common benefit to members of the community. Releasing this information will not identify any individual or compromise any court case, law enforcement or investigation.

With reference to your recent enquiry and in response to your question I can confirm the following: Response – The item you refer to is incorrect and is not ‘Bedfordshire Police’s rules regarding terrorists and dangerous criminals’ as the website claims.

Bedfordshire Police does have guidance for entering households which was derived from National Home Office / Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) guidelines. While the information on the website is not the same, there are some similarities to our guidance for some basic considerations when entering Muslim households, especially for pre-planned operations, which is summarised below:

  • Innocent occupants of a household such as women and children may be present and Police should never under-estimate the impact of any loss of their personal dignity. Muslim women may be more flexible in their choice of dress at home amongst family members than outside and police entry could contribute to a loss of dignity. Opportunity should be afforded for occupants to cover themselves sufficiently to comply with the etiquettes of “Hijab” if a non-family member is present – and that includes the head for women.

  • The same level of etiquette and respect should be observed in Muslim households as in a Muslim place of worship, such as a Mosque. Female officers must be available wherever practicable to deal with females and there should not be any cross gender contact by the officers.

  • Muslim prisoners should be allowed to take additional clothing to the station. All clothing needs to remain pure for prayer and the denial of appropriate clothing will be a very serious issue for the individual.

  • If possible, officers should not take shoes into the houses, especially in areas that might be kept pure for prayer purposes – nor should they step on any prayer mats etc. This might be difficult in some cases but needs to be seriously considered – plastic overshoes may be an option in some cases if the cleanliness/ purity of the overshoes can be maintained.

  • Non-Muslims are not allowed to touch Holy Books, Qurans, or religious artefacts without permission. In the current climate the justification for pre-dawn raids on Muslim houses needs to be clear and transparent.

  • The aftercare of those not detained must be considered. Sufficient arrangements should be made to offer alternative accommodation to those who are removed from their homes whilst lengthy searches are carried out. If they are not removed from the house they should be allowed some flexibility and privacy.

  • Deployment of family liaison officers should be considered to minimise the impact on the families and the local community.


This guidance is purely of an advisory manner and was written in 2005 at the time of the increased tensions following the 7/7 bombings and applies in the main to Counter Terrorism operations. It is made clear the advice should not impinge on, or supersede the objectives of the police action.

The same considerations and respect for faith and diversity are always applied no matter what the belief of the household, Muslim or otherwise.

While the above is supposed to ensure that Police do not infringe upon the religious rights of Muslim immigrants, it does show that the amount of consideration given to these people is way and above that given to non-Muslims.

If the Police go into a house or apartment of a non-Muslim the first the occupants know about it is the sound of the battering ram used by the Police to smash open the door.

Next they rush into every room, sometimes with guns waving and everyone is told to raise their hands. There is no consideration for the fact there may be women in the house, or even children, and they certainly don’t remove their boots. So I guess if you are a criminal, or wish to become one, converting is Islam is your best option for then you will have a chance to escape out the back door while the police are busy removing their boots at the front.

Integration

Integration

It is indeed sad to see so much appeasement of Muslim immigrants in Britain when even criminals get so much attention. I have often said that if these people wish to move to a western country they have to abide by our rules and respect our culture. But this is not the case when government and others are making such strenuous efforts not to upset them.

In a recent development, publisher Oxford University Press was criticised by politicians for advising UK writers not to include pigs or sausages in books they wrote for children that would be sold overseas. In the Oxford Press’s view this would upset Muslims and Jews. A recent report indicated that some lunatic suggested that children’s piggy banks should be banned because it would upset Muslims.

A Shameful And Disgusting Statement  From Our Prime MInister

A Shameful And Disgusting Statement From Our Prime MInister

I am at a stage when I despair at the way the British people are bending over backwards to satisfy these people and not offend them in any way. We should be standing up for our own way of life, traditions and culture and the message should be, if you cannot adapt to the British way of life there are other parts of the world where you can settle.

We were once a proud race with a history that was the envy of the world, but now we are slowly digging our own graves, and within maybe twenty years or so our culture and way of life will be a thing of the past. Sad to say, but the same is happening throughout many European countries, and even in America but at a much slower rate.

Is This Your Grand-Children In Years To Come?

Is This Your Grand-Children In Years To Come?

To tell the honest truth, I am just glad I will not live long enough to see the end of European culture, or in the event that the people finally wake up, the civil wars on the streets predicted by Enoch Powell so long ago.

Roy.

Nonsense Too

Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, Old Age Pensioner, UK, USA with tags , , , , on 25/01/2015 by floroy1942

Without humour you might as well be dead so here is my latest offering. I hope you enjoy it.

12 Italian Priests
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up…and all the other bells started to ring.

The Blind Cowboy

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it’s only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in Karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy…Do you still want to tell that blonde joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m going to have to explain it five times…”

Not A Difficult Joice

Not A Difficult Joice

Bob and the Blonde

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?” Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.” The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.” Bob placed a £20 note on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, The guy on the ledge Did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, But willingly handed her £20 note to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money.

Dogs

 World Phone Survey

Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
“Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a massive failure because of the following:
1. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
3. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
4. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
6. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
7. In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.
8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Getting Old In 2055

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW.

‘WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS FOR

1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN FOR A SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!’

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in

CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.

  You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. You may say ‘What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?’

Answer:

A FUNERAL PARLOUR.

(WHO SAID SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)

OOPS!

‘Til Next Time.

Roy.

Nonsense Time

Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, UK, USA with tags , , , on 23/01/2015 by floroy1942

Commenting on the news is all well and good, but now and then I like to bring you something light-hearted. So to cheer you up here are a few gems.

Girls Take Note

Girls Take Note

In the men’s room this morning I was standing next to a very fat fellow at a urinal when suddenly, for no discernible reason, he confided in me that he hadn’t seen his pecker in 15 years. Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else to say and wanting to be helpful, I said “Why don’t you diet?” Giving me a surprised stare, he said, “Dye it? For God’s sake, what colour is it now?”

Ah! The Good Old Days

Ah! The Good Old Days

Naked Cowboy
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks ‘Why in the world are you walking around like this?’
The cowboy says, ‘Well it’s like this Sheriff ……I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt… So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants…. So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts…so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, ‘Now go to town, cowboy.. ‘
‘And here I am.’
Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist!!!!

Good Idea!

Good Idea!

There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The guy said, “It’s simple. I just say that I’m a lawyer.” So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, “Oh! You’re a lawyer?” He said, “Why, yes I am!” So they went to his place.

When they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, “Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!”

The Big Letdown

The Big Let-down

Sounds Familiar.

God looked down upon Seniors and decided most seniors don’t get enough exercise. So, in his wisdom, God decreed that seniors would become forgetful that they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things misplaced and move around more. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was yet another need. So God in his wisdom made seniors lose coordination that they would drop things, which would require them to bend and reach and stretch.And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the functioning of senior bladders and decided that in His wisdom there might be calls of nature more frequently, requiring more walking to the relief station, which would burn calories. God looked down and saw that it was good.
Seniors were obliged to exercise more from these senior shortcomings and did become more active as a result. So if you find you are required to get up and down more as you age, remember it’s God’s will and in your best interest, even though you mutter under your breath. Amen!

Nuff  Said!

‘Nuff Said!

5097 married men were surveyed as to why they liked oral sex

  1% liked the warmth,

      2% liked the sensation,

     3% liked the eroticism,

             94% just liked the peace and quiet.

Mine's Bigger Than Yours

Mine’s Bigger Than Yours

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in. I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.”

When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Self Explanatory

Self Explanatory

‘Til next time. Have a great day.

Roy.

Another British Government Failure

Posted in Britain, David Cameron, England, Human Rights, Immigration, Justice, News, Police, Politics, Prison with tags , , , , on 22/01/2015 by floroy1942

A report from MPs on the Committee of Public Accounts in Britain has highlighted yet again the failure of government to take the correct measures when dealing with immigrants. This time it is the Home Office in the line of fire.

Theresa May - Home Secretary

Theresa May – Home Secretary

The report shows a decisive failure of the Home Secretary to order deportation for immigrant criminals who reside among us. The rules demand that any immigrant sentenced to more than one year in jail is to be deported on release, sadly this has not been followed.

According to the National Audit Office (NAO) a total of 760 immigrant criminals are ‘on the run’ from the police, and this includes murderers and rapists. A total of 151 foreign nationals have been released onto the streets of Britain after serving their prison term since 2009, instead of being deported as the rules state.

Home Office

Home Office

Something just as disturbing is that the government has been paying some of these people compensation because of delays in bringing their case to court. In total the Home Office has paid out £6.2 million to 229 immigrants awaiting trial, which averages out at £27,000 each.

The report also says that the police have not been carrying out criminal records checks on more than two-thirds of those arrested. This means that in effect, a serial offender can get a light sentence because his previous convictions have not been taken into consideration.

Terror Suspect Mohammed Ahmed Mohamed. He Fled In A Burka From A Mosque.

Terror Suspect Mohammed Ahmed Mohamed. He Fled In A Burka From A Mosque.

In a joint statement, Margaret Hodge, chair of the Committee of Public Accounts, together with committee member Richard Bacon, said: “There has been a complete failure to improve the management and removal of foreign national offenders. Despite firm commitments to improve and a massive ten-fold increase in resources, the system still appears to be dysfunctional.”

Yvette Cooper - Shadow Home Secretary

Yvette Cooper – Shadow Home Secretary

Theresa May has come in for heavy criticism from the Labour Shadow Home Secretary Yvette Cooper who said,  “This is a damning report of failure and incompetence in Theresa May’s Home Office. Previous home secretaries have resigned over this kind of thing. Yet time and again Theresa May just hides and blames everyone else.”

Britain currently has around 10,000 foreign prisoners locked up for various crimes, and the number removed from our shores after release rose to 5,613 in 2008/09, but sadly the numbers have fallen far short since then.

Part of the problem for the government is the Human Rights Act (HRA). Clause 8 decrees that all people ‘have a right to family life’ and many foreign criminals have used this to escape deportation, even those charged with multiple murder and rape. The good news is that David Cameron and his ministers are working to scrap the HRA in Britain, I have to say, about time too.

Abu Qatada - IT Took Ten Years To Deport Him To America

Abu Qatada – It Took Ten Years To Deport Him To America

There can be little doubt that the entire system needs a good shake-up from the top down, for this kind of lax behaviour is disgraceful. There should be no hesitation on the part of the Home Office to deport those who commit major crimes, and if they have a family they go too. This country has more than enough of its own criminals without having to accept foreign nationals who break the law.

Migrant Arrests

Migrant Arrests

There are constant complaints that our prisons are too full, and yet we have 10,000 foreign nationals in our prisons. This just doesn’t make sense. By deporting these people along with their families we will make more space available, and it would be a lesson to all immigrants that we will not stand for this behaviour.

It is without doubt time for someone to light a fire under this government and make them understand that we the people will not stand for this incompetence.

Roy.

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