Weekend Laugh

It’s weekend and time to enjoy everything that makes you happy. Read on and put yourself in the mood.

The Doctor’s Visit

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in, so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband?

“Oh, that’s easily explained. For the past six months,” the wife says, “I’ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don’t have any money.” The cab driver asks me, “Are you going to pay today, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what.’

“Then, when I get to work,” she continues, “I’m late, so the boss asks me, ‘Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what.’

“I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, ‘So, are you going to pay this time, or what?’ Again, I take an ‘or what’. So you see, doc, by the time I get home I’m all tired out and don’t want it anymore.”

“Yes, I see,” replies the doctor. “So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?”

Oxygen

 

Someone Doesn’t like Fosters?

This lass says to me, “I gave my first ever blow job to my boyfriend today. Afterwards I had a pint of Fosters. Well, I had to do something to get that horrible taste out of my mouth. So I gave him another blow job”.

Jehova's

 

Three Women And A Poor Man

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England, Wales, and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said, “Have you ever had a hug?” The man said, “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?” The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, “‘ave ya ever been fooked, laddie?” The man broke into a big smile and said, “No.”

She said, “Well ya will be when the tide comes in.”

Glasses

The Travelling Salesman

A travelling salesman, out on the road for two months, was beginning to feel lonely and horny. He stopped in at a bar, ordered a drink and asked the bartender what men did for fun around here. The bartender told him to go to room at the top of the stairs and wait for Vanessa. He did.

Soon the door opened to reveal the most beautiful black woman he had ever seen. “Hi, I’m Vanessa, and I’m $20,” she said. Much to his dismay the salesman had only $18, which he promptly offered. “Vanessa does not lower her standards for anyone,” she said. “I’ll send up Angela.”

A few minutes later a beautiful white woman appeared, took his money and treated him to a wonderful evening of sucking and fucking.

Twenty-five years later while on vacation, the salesman found himself in the same bar talking to the same bartender.

“Bet you don’t remember me,” he said. “Sure I do,” replied the bartender. “You’re the guy that knocked up Angela 25 years ago. That’s your son at the end of the bar. He’s been in every night for ten years, hoping to meet his daddy.

The salesman went over to the boy and said, “Son, I think I may be your daddy.”

The boy said, “Great! What is my last name?” “Bardowski,” the salesman said.

“Oh, no,” said the boy, “you mean that I waited ten years to find out that I’m Polish?”

“Hey, kid,” the salesman said, “two dollars more and you’da been black too!”

Doctor

Old Golfers

A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Steinberg for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

“Is that so?” asked the first old guy. “Did he do a good job? “The second oldster replied, “Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 180 mph when it slammed me right in the nuts.”

The first old guy was confused and asked, “What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?”

His partner replied, “It was the first time in two years my teeth didn’t hurt.”

Sex

Band Aid

I tried to download the new Band-Aid song to raise money for victims of the Ebola outbreak, but my anti-virus software wouldn’t let me.

Bugs

When I was a kid… I thought earwigs were nasty bugs that crawled out of your ear, and then I was scared stiff when I heard about… cockroaches.

I hope you feel good right now. Have a good weekend.

Roy.

 

 

 

 

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