Weekend Fun

I hope this will cheer you up for the weekend.

 

Need I say More?
Need I say More?

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.
The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer.
So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.
A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!”

The owner responds, “Genius, my arse………It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”

Women

My wife said I’m an idiot who can’t do the simplest of things right. So I packed her bags and left.

Yeuk!
Yeuk!

I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend. I said, “What’s going on?”
“You tell me?” replied my wife.
I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.”
“A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!”
I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”

Portable African Style.
Portable – African Style.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment!

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you’re screwed.

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say “Congrats!”. But none of them come and touch the man’s Penis and say “Well done!”. Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters

Potholes
Potholes Next 9600Kms?

 

Three Irish guys are riding in their truck, drinking beer, having a good ol’ time. The driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car, so he pulls over. The other two are real nervous, “What do we do with our beers? We’re in trouble!” “No,” the driver says, “Just do this. Pull the label off of your beer bottle and stick it to your forehead and let me do the talking.” So, they all pull the labels off their beer bottles and stick ’em to their foreheads. The policeman walks up and says, “You boys were swerving all over the road. Have you been drinking”? The driver says, “Oh, no officer,” and points to his forehead, “We’re on the patch, trying to quit.”

Keep smiling. Good luck might be just around the corner!

Roy.

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