Get Rid Of Monday Morning Blues

Well, Monday is here again, and that for many people means the Monday blues as they return to work. But I have a little pick-me-up that might help you get over them. There’s nothing like a good laugh to get rid of the blues, so here goes.

A Doctor’s Good Advice:

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?” The lady frowned. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.

“Well,” the doctor continued, “Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.” The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

“How did it go?” the doctor asked. “Terrible, doctor, terrible” the old lady replied.

“Did it not work?” said the doctor.

“Yes,” the old lady said, “It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”

“Then what is the problem, ma’am?” the doctor asked.

“Well,” she said. “I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.”

Five Masculine Moments – You never know what you are letting yourself in for!

The Couch

A friend asked if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him I was married now and that’s where I sleep.

1919 Poster

One look is enough to drive men to drink

Drink

72 Virgins

A suicide bomber died and went to heaven, as foretold. When he arrived there, he met Allah, and he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.

Allah regarded him for a moment, and then replied, “Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you’re here to service them. Since they’re virgins, they’re quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you’ll be on constant, exhausting duty. And I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!”

The bomber responded, “Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”

Allah replied, “Who said anything about women?”

Nothing like sharing the work load! 

Work load

The Genie

A Black guy, an Indian, a Muslim and an Australian were walking together on Bondi beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand.

He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.

“I can only grant four wishes,” the Genie said. “And since there are four of you, you may have one wish apiece.

“Pointing at the Black, he said, “Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish.”

The Black thought for a moment then said, “I wish for a fleet of ships so that I can gather all my people and take them away from this white suppression.”

Poof! It was done! Thousands of ships appeared on the skyline.

The Indian said, “I wish for enough aircraft to take all my people’s back to our homeland!”

Poof! It was done! Row after row of aircraft filled the sky.

Finally, the Muslim said, “I wish for a hundred thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah.”

Poof! It was done! A hundred thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

Turning to the Australian, the Genie asked, “And what is your wish?”

The Australian watched as the loaded aircraft began moving toward the runway, looked out to sea as the loaded ships sailed out into the sunset, and watched the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off into the distance.

He said, “Awww … just give me a beer, mate. It doesn’t get any better than this!”

I hope I managed to cheer up your Monday – ‘Til next time

Roy.

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