Time For A Giggle

Laugh and the world laughs with you, so I hope you enjoy this little offering.

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and she was upset.
‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!’

The husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

So the husband began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.
So, in my compass ion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please ….. Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?

Who the hell is Eric ?

 

Poor Eric

Poor Eric

Well, Eric is the geezer who got home late one night: Joy his wife was waiting for him with ………”Where the hell have you been?”

Eric replies “I was getting a tattoo!”

“A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?”

“I got a hundred quid note tattooed on my willy” he said proudly.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disgust. “Why on earth would a Chief Executive get a hundred quid note tattooed on his willy?”

“Well…One, I like to watch my money grow.

Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand..

And lastly…  Instead of you going out shopping all the time, now you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred quid any time you want!!”

Eric is presently in the Critical Care Unit. I’m afraid no visitors are allowed until further notice!

URGENT !

Whoever  left  his  wife  at my  place  after last  night’s  BBQ is  asked to  come and get  her  ASAP.

It  is   not  that  she’s a  problem, but  mine is  coming  back  tonight.

Cheers,

Out Cold

Whatever you do, Keep smiling!

Roy.

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