The Alternative ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

This book, now famous, has been read by millions of people but I nearly hurt myself laughing at this alternative version. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Fifty Shades of Grey
 by Pam Ayres

 


The missus bought a paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

 

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

 

 Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Ethel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!

 

Watching Ethel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

 

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!

 

Now if you knew our Ethel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.

 

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

 

Ethel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!!

 

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

 

First of all let me apologise to Pam Aryes for any slight she may feel has been committed here, and secondly my thanks to a friend who sent me this. Third, my thanks and appreciation to the unknown writer of this masterpiece of satire.

Roy.

4 Responses to “The Alternative ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’”

  1. Hi

    Written by me 🙂 not Pam Ayres ….. you can google it! Dont mind youi posting by the way. Thanks for comment!

    John

    Like

    • Hi John,
      Thanks for commenting and nice to meet the person behind the pen for a change. It is a great piece – well done. My reference to Pam Ayres was for posting the joke version under her book title, not inferring that she wrote this piece. Keep up the good work, and whatever you do, keep smiling!
      Best Regards,
      Roy.

      Like

  2. I choked on my tea this morning, this was hilarious!

    Like

    • Hi Kristina,
      Great to have you back and glad you liked it. Nothing like waking up to a good laugh first thing in the morning. It sets the mood for the whole day.
      Have a great day.
      Best Regards,
      Roy.

      Like

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