Snippets of News and Nonsense

Desperate Dan

The news these days is often like reading the old time comic books. There are some strange stories out there that find their way into print. Take the case of a woman who had her car stolen while she was delivering a parcel. An opportunistic thief jumped into her car and drove off with the woman’s 3 year-old daughter in the back. The police found the car abandoned some 20 minutes later with the girl safe. It was removed by the police for forensic examination, and the victim received a letter from the tow company working for the police to say she would have to pay £150 to get her car back because it had been ‘abandoned’. According to a police spokesman, this was standard practice for abandoned cars. But it wasn’t abandoned, it was stolen the woman said, but she still had to pay. How nutty can you get!

It can be revealed that Gordon Brown the UK Prime Minister has changed his favourite snack from Kit-Kat chocolate bars to bananas. He now eats 9 a day. His reason, he wants to appear ‘radiant’ for the General Election. It seems they contain tryptophan, an amino acid that can be converted into seratonin by the body which then improves your mood. Doctors say that consuming so many bananas every day can cause gastrointestinal problems and flatulence. It would certainly be unseemly for the Prime Minister to have an attack of flatulence during a speech! – “I can assure you” Phuuurmh! “this government will” Phuuurmh! “lead our country for the next four years” Phuuurmh!”

Better cut down on the banana’s Gordon.

It has just been reported that in 2009 over 2,000 people in the UK claimed benefit because they were too fat to work! This figure is only slightly less than the figures for 2008 when 2,070 people claimed benefit on the grounds of obesity. Currently this is costing the tax-payer £10m a year and the figures are set to rise annually. It is estimated that 17% of men and more than 25% of women are now obese in Britain, and among the country’s youth more than 33% are now considered overweight. The problem is only going to get worse. The down side, especially for the overweight youth of today, is that life expectancy will be down by 10-15 years. Even now, overweight people are struggling to live past 55 years of age. The answer is obviously a strict diet and exercise!

Yesterday, passengers on a number 24 bus in London were left gob-smacked when their driver suddenly stopped the bus and got out of his cab leaving the engine running. He laid out a mat on the floor of the bus by the exit and to the astonishment of all, after removing his shoes knelt down and started to pray. He was a Muslim. It was 5 minutes before he got back into the cab and continued the journey. Good job he wasn’t a pilot! Inshallah!

A Greek Cypriot ex-teacher of Bigland Green Primary School in Tower Hamlets London is suing his old school for racial discrimination. He had complained to the headmistress Jill Hankey that the children in his class, 8-10 year-old Muslims, were uttering openly racist and extremist comments. Some were; “We want to be Islamic bombers when we grow up”, and “Kill all Christians and Jews”. Once when he accidentally brushed against a boy, the child turned on him and said “Don’t touch me, you are a Christian”.  Most of the class said they thought the 9/11 bombers were heroes and martyrs. The teacher, Nicholas Koufuris claims he was forced out of his job by the headmistress for complaining about what was being said in his classroom. Each time he mentioned it she made excuses to justify the comments. My only comment is, that if children of such a young age are being corrupted to such a degree, and this behaviour is widespread among Muslim children, then Britain and perhaps the western world are headed for big trouble.

Have you heard about he woman who thought her swollen stomach was due to a complication with an ovarian cyst and found out she was 7 months pregnant? She had been diagnosed as having an ovarian cyst, an under-developed womb and blocked fallopian tubes in her early twenties. When her belly began to swell she thought it was to do with her illness because she had been told she would never bear a child. Eventually she went to her doctor who diagnosed that she was 7 months pregnant. Now at the age of 33, she had a premature baby girl 2 weeks later. The wonders of nature!

Harriet Harman, Gordon Brown’s Minister for Equality and Leader of the House of Commons is back in the news for all the wrong reasons. Her latest plan is to ‘outlaw’ the word Chairman! She feels that the name is sexist and should be replaced by ‘Chair’ or Chairperson’ or even ‘Occupant of the Chair’. She also wants the Chairman’s Panel to be called ‘The Panel of Chairs’. Grow Up Harriet! You would be far better employed ensuring the Muslim Burka is banned from the streets of Britain! Oh Damn! Of course you can’t do that because it would upset the Muslims!

Just another day in paradise!

Roy

One Response to “Snippets of News and Nonsense”

  1. Be my guest!
    Roy.

    Like

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