Britain – Land of the Loony’s. Part Two

I suppose every country has its crazy stories about Loony’s, but Britain seems to have a monopoly recently. Here are some of the latest gems to come from the ‘Green and Pleasant Land’ news columns.

Newcastle Crown Court recently handed down an eight month sentence, suspended for twelve months, to a woman for having noisy sex. The love-making sessions between her and her husband have been heard regularly by her neighbours, passers by on the street, and even the local postman. Caroline Cartwright was given an ASBO (Anti-social Behaviour Order) by the court last April but admitted she broke it almost immediately. Tests carried out in the neighbours apartment have registered sound levels comparable to a loud conversation in the same room. Mrs Cartwright, while apologising for the disruption has admitted she can’t help it. With the court ruling however, she will be abstaining from sexual pleasure for a period of eight months if further complaints are received.

In Nottingham, a man has been fined, twice, for driving at O miles per hour in a 30 mph zone. Outside his house he has a speed camera from the local police, and when someone goes past above the limit, the number plate reading software latches on to his car which is parked just in front of the camera on the side of the road. As he has nowhere else to park he is stuck with the problem. The local police have apologised and say they will look into the problem.

The American Embassy, more commonly known as Macdonalds, has come under fire for a recent advertising campaign in Britain for confusing English slang for a five pence piece with an English pound. The advert, promoting a ‘Pound Saver Menu’ states “An English pound known as a ‘bob’ ” has caused an avalanche of criticism. The reason being, a  ‘bob’ is five pence, not a pound as supposed by Macdonalds. Calls have been made for the advertisement to be changed or withdrawn, although some people have been asking to pay only the five pence as advertised. Either way, the company has egg on its face for not doing sufficient research. Their view, incorrect as it may be, is that the ‘bob’ while once referred to as five pence is now used for the pound since Britain went decimal with its currency. At least its free advertising!

Two children’s TV presenters were cautioned under British Anti-Terrorism Laws by police in London for running around in flak jackets and utility belts, carrying among other things, hairdryers and fake walkie-talkie radios. The pair, complete with camera crew, were filming an episode of the children’s TV show ‘Toonattik’ when approached by four of Her Majesty’s Constabulary. The officers gave them a warning under The Act.

And to cap it all, last week the Holiday Inn Hotel Chain began offering its guests human bed warmers! A call to Reception will have a male or female (or both) bed warmer come to your room, clothed in a special suit, who will warm the bed to body temperature before you climb in. I’ve had one for years, I call her the wife! Certainly beats the hell out of a hot water bottle.

It’s a wacky world we live in.

Roy.

One Response to “Britain – Land of the Loony’s. Part Two”

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